oh soother

[luvrboy]

My wife and I disagree about when to try and rid my boy of his soother. he is 20 months old and when he gets craby and for bed time he needs it. when he can not find it at night he freaks out and my big hearted wife runs in to rescue the little guy. when do you think is a good time and how would you go about it.

[georgit79]

What's a soother? Is it a blankie? I had mine until I was about 14!

[Lindy Loo]

Hi luvrboy, I'd go along with your wife!! (Yes I know it's not the answer you'd like!!) Nearly all babies and toddlers have something they hang onto as a 'comforter', and in your little one's case it's a soother ('dummy' here in the UK). At 20mths he is still very young and most children grow out of needing a dummy in their own time...I wouldn't pressurise him into giving it up yet. As your son gets older and into nursery or playgroup, you'll find he 'forgets' to need it until bedtime. Once he is old enough to understand that 'big boys' don't have soothers it will be easier to 'lose' that one too. When the time comes try a 'star chart'. 1 star for every night without a dummy, then a small reward for being a 'big boy' . By then he may have found a favourite teddy to cuddle. My son had 3 dummies at bedtime (only then)...1 in the mouth, 1 in his hand and 1 in the cot!!! By the time he was 3 1/2 they had all gone!! Anyway I know what I'd rather have at 2/3am....and it's not a screaming toddler!!!! Good luck

[kags]

I agree with lindy loo - my son also had 3 dummies constantly, and all attempts to get him to give them up resulted in serious stress for the whole family. Then when he was 3 I suggested he swap his dummies for a much coveted Thunderbird 2 toy - he happily handed them over to the bemused man at the toy fair, and it was never ever mentioned again. Don't turn it into a battleground, just give it a bit of time - and don't make your wife feel guilty about it!!

[Hgrove]

Despite my efforts to give my daughter a dummy she kept spitting it out. I so wish she had taken to it. I have lots of friends whose children had used dummies and the only drawback they complain about is that if the child wakes up during the night having dropped his dummy and can't find it, they wake up and cry. Kags's advice is good, the following is an alternative: later on (perhaps three years old?) come Xmas you can encourage him to wrap his dummies and leave them for Father Christmas who needs them for another child - and will leave your son presents in exchange.

[Bonzo 2000]

I'm interested in hgrove'slast answer. In our part of Scotland, its traditional for children to throw their dummies into the fire as a final gesture and an offering to Father Christmas in exchange for goodies. As for age, our 3 year old is still keen on his "dumm" in bed and in the car. His older friends all got rid of theirs at various ages, but almost universally before starting school. Hope this helps.

[clcandj]

Is the soother a pacifier? If so he shouldn't have had it to begin with! They don't need them and it causes their teeth to come in crooked or rotten. However, since its too late for that lecture, just joking, is he potty trained yet? If so then talk to him about being a BIG BOY now and explain that if he is a big boy then he needs to get rid of the pacifier. Hope this helps, it should, but you will have to stand your ground with him and your wife. But do talk to her about this first because it will take you both to make this work.Good Luck!!

[andy hughes]

The majority seem to favour getting rid of a dummy when a child is old enough to understand the concept of no longer needing it. My daughter left hers for Santa when she was three, to givve to the new babies - it worked out fine, so don't rush the little guy, he be ready when he's ready.

[georgit79]

Ok, so a soother is a dummy. I didn't have one of those, but I disagree with clcandj who says they rot your teeth, because I just sucked my finger instead. Dummy or no, babies are going to find something to put in their mouths, whether it be finger, thumb, or gnarled old bit of dirty blanket. I know which I'd prefer. I've also found that kids grow out of dummies faster than they grow out of sucking fingers and thumbs, as you can't take away a digit..

[Lindy Loo]

I disagree with clcandj totally. Dummys don't rot baby teeth...too much sugar, fizzy drinks and sweets do that. As for making teeth go crooked...I shall be polite and say 'rubbish'. You cann't blame a dummy for needing a brace etc during teenage years!! That is usually caused by to many teeth in a small jaw. Even thumb sucking at the age of 10-12 is unlikly to distort the teeth that much!!! And a 20mth old baby potty trained? Some are only just walking by then!! What an idealist clcandj is! No disrespect intended, but bringing up a baby is not that simple!!!

[wonky]

How dare clcandj make such a coment to luvrboy as if there arent enough things to worry about in the confusing world of Parenting, what a horrible answer!! Anyway as to your question luvrboy if a soother is a dummy i think andy hughes answer is just brilliant what happened with my friends child was he just chewed them all when he got to about 2 and we said that they are for baby's and big boys dont have dummys n he was quite happy with that answer (i know i have made it sound really easy n i know its not always that easy but its worth a try!!) If a soother is a blanket or item of clothing i dont think there is ever a time i had mine until i was married (more for sentimental value i didnt NEED it!!)then i gave it to my cats (strange but unfortunatly true!!) and theres nothing wrong with me- well maybe a little bit loopey. Good luck x x

[Hgrove]

I also wish to record my disagreement with clcandj's comments. I know dozens of families with pre-age school children and the age for potty training is anywhere between 2 years and 3 1/2 years! As for the dummy damaging teeth, I gather it is an old fashioned theory that was fashionable for a few years in the 1980s but has now been shown to be unfounded. I got the idea of wrapping up the dummy for Father Xmas from some friends who did that with their children - we are in England. What I have heard over and over again is, the main drawback of dummies is that if it falls out of the child's mouth in the cot at night, they might cry and wake you up if they can't find it again.

[secretspirit]

I'm not going to get into the debate over whether dummies damage children's teeth but I have to say that you see the most normal looking parents, who no doubt bleach the high chair to within an inch of its life pick a dummy off the pavement and suck it, then give it back to the child. That has to be bad for them (I know not all parents do this of course but it makes me cringe).

[Philtaz]

Our son never bothered with one though our daughter wanted one all the time, roughly 6 around the house at any one time! On Christmas Eve we told her that if she collected all her dummies(soother) then Santa Claus would leave her a present for each one, so she duly found them all and left them on the table for Santa before going to bed. In the morning they were gone(obviously) and Santa had kept his promise. For a day or two after she asked for her dummy but we told her they'd all gone and Santa had given them to the children in Romania. As it's soon Christmas you could give it a try, you've just got to be a little firm when your child gets tetchy for the first day or two.

[beckseya]

my son is 2 years old and he has a dummy, lately ive started hiding his dummy and he doesnt ask for it but as soon as he is tired and ready for bed i get it out and give it him, and every morning when he gets up he gives it me to hide again. he also has a comfort blanket which i could never take of him because he takes it every where he goes. so i wouldnt worry to much about it yet. i think you will know when the best time is to take it off him.

[Joe's Mum]

My son gave his dummy up at 3yrs he lost it one night and i could not find it and instead of going and buying him another I told him if he did not have it for 5 nights we would go the power ranger shop it worked he asked for it but the toy was better and now he does not even mention it...good luck just both of you (you and your wife) make sure you both agree to it and stick to it.

[Hammer]

I think too many people forget that kids are kids and there is no point wanting them to mature too quickly. So many parents get hung up on when their offspring should sprout teeth, start walking, sleep through the night, form sentences, use the potty, lose their dummy, .... Don't worry about any of it, it will happen when it happens.

[clcandj]

lindyloo I have raised a child. And no, its not that simple, but you have to set your mind to things and just do it. Wonky I said that same thing about being a big boy in my answer and I did say that I was just joking about my criticism at the first of my answer. Guess I got some people all roused up on this question. My apologies, in no way did I mean to upset anyone including luvrboy. The rot your teeth or make them come in crooked thing is just something that alot of older people said to me when I had my daughter. Something I laughed about, but my daughter never wanted a pacifier or blankie for comfort. I was only expressing my opinion and trying to help out.

[Del68]

My wife an I must have been blessed by the God's! Niether of our girls, 7yrs and 15mths have wanted or used a dummy. We tried to give them to both and they just did not want it. Both had "special" teddies, but it was not the end of the world if the teddy was in the wash or left at friends. We have friends who's 4yr old still walks around with a dummy, in fact if I think about it, the only time he does not have in in his mouth is when he's eating or drinking! Each to their own I suppose, there's no real harm either way, just so long as the child is happy and content. Here endeth my tuppence worth.

[Kay]

I've raised 4 kids (all adults now) and all of them had a dummy/soother/pacifier. As someone else said babies will put something in their mouths,fingers,blankets etc. I weaned my lot off by giving them their dummies every other night ( I used to say that the dummy fairy was washing it).Mine were all off by the age of 2 and NO rotten teeth later.It IS the sweet sugary things that rot the teeth.