scared of starting a new relationship

[lil123]

Hi
I have been divorced from my ex husband a year
during this time I had a short relationship but I noticed similar trates in this man as my ex as my ex was very abusive
I am just so scared of getting in another relationship at the moment and thought it might be best to stay on my own for maybe a year
Has anyone been through a similar situation that could give advice please
Michelle xx

[raysparx1]

Hello lil123, I haven't beenn through a divorce so can't comment on that, but it is obviously going to be very traumatic, and a year is not very long is it, you did the right thing in not getting involved with somebody that shows any signs of being abusive,

in time your confidenne will grow stronger and you will feel able to really move on from the past, I would do as you are thinking and bide your time no way rush into anything if somebody asks you out for a drink or meal go and enjoy the company without any commitment on either side, good luck with whatever the future holds and remember there are some decent blokes out there. you might even meet him when in tescos waiting at the checkout, take care, Ray xx

[Octavius]

Unless you particularly feel that you need the time out to get your own life and individuality back in order and enjoy yourself, I don�t think there is any need for you to deprive yourself of �company�. There is no requirement to become committed in a relationship to anyone, hence the old clich� �play the field� for a bit and have some (safe) fun.

Let yourself be wined and dined in a non-committal way.

It is natural to compare new with old, but if something specific puts you off, then this is your natural instinct reminding of your ex husbands behaviour and setting up barriers for progression and trust. Sometimes your instincts are right, but sometimes the memories alter perception and are wrong.

There is no rush so take your time, get to know people and learn to accept that the men you meet may well be different from your ex, it takes time to recover from a long relationship and to learn to trust another person in your life.

Perhaps just take a little time to have some selfish time and space and enjoy life without the burden and responsibility of a (full on) relationship. With a more confident and happier outlook who knows what life may bring.

[DONNA1458]

I wear my heart on my sleave and trust a new partner 100% until something happens for it to be otherwise. If you are emotionally guarded you will not give a new relationship the best chance... the consolation is that it never hurts as much as the time before if you do get hurt.

[joannie10]

I agree with others, why focus on a new relationship. Enjoy peoples company and see where it goes from there. If you are having doubts I would suggest you take it no further though. We need to make the most of own lives and and are responsible for our own happiness x

[Whoever]

You've obviously spent a long time being "part of a couple" and during this time you may have partly forgotten what it is like to be an individual in your own right, with all your own needs, as opposed to the compromises that we all normally make as part of a relationship. So spend a little time getting to know yourself again, working out your own value system and recognising the things that are important to you. The more space you give yourself, the better you will get to know yourself and your needs, and I think that once you have done this, you will then feel more comfortable able being able to engage with somebody else on an equal footing. Use this time to try and make some new friends and get involved in new social activities. Sometimes getting to know new people "at a distance" helps to give you an insight as to whether you would enjoy getting to know them better at close hand.