Friendship

[buttons]

Do you ever feel like you have been a really lousy friend? I feel like the last few months ive been so wrapped up in my own little world that ive let the people who i care about disappear without trace. Houw can i stop being so lousy at friendship??

[Whoever]

I think many people find themselves in this position, not deliberately but because they all lead busy lives and there don't seem to be enough hours in the day.
Although this isn't a very "spontaneous" solution, I keep a computer diary and every few months put in an automated reminder to myself to "ring so and so or send a quick "How are you"? e-mail. Being nudged in this way does serve as a reminder that some weeks have passed and that it's time to make contact, even if you don't have time to physically meet up. I also log birthdays in the same way and sending a birthday message also helps to keep in touch.

[leelapops]

Hi buttons, I do know exactly how you feel.

However, I also think that the very way in which you've actually asked this means that you are self-aware, and not a rubbish friend at all! You must care about those close to you to reflect in this way.

I think good friends can always start up where they left off, and understand that just because you haven't spoken for a while, it doesn't mean the friendship is less valuable.

Just be honest with your friends: try and see them, either as a group if you're all mates, or individually, and explain why you've been a bit absent, and apologise. Tell them that in the coming future you'll try and be around more, and if you need their help or support, ASK them: it's what friends are for!

x

[Octavius]

If they have disappeared without a trace, does this also mean that they could be neglecting you?!

I have been a one man band for about 2 months now and haven�t been able to give much time to my wife and child, let alone any friends. They all know what I am up to and are being patient I guess, they know I�ll drop them a line when the dust settles � I also pre-planned a big party for them all to come to my house so they know I have them in mind even if I haven�t contacted them in a while.

Still, no harm in dropping a text or email to see how they are and promise to catch up soon. Its all about communication innit.

[buttons]

the friend i was most annoyed about losing touch with has emailed me as she saw my question on this site. Maybe im not such a lousy friend afterall.

I love the idea of a little reminder on my email, perfect for those people that you can loose track of.

Im going to be a better friend.

[yinyang]

When I read your post I realised that I hadn't spoken to my best friend for a week and that she'd been having terrible trouble with her heating so I texted her to see how it was all going. So thank you for reminding me to be a better friend.
It's always nice to know you've been listened to so I always try to follow up things they've been talking about - ' how's your mum keeping now?''Did your sister get that job?' - little things but shows that you've been thinking of them.
We've all got things going on and, as Octavius said, I'm sure some of your friends have been just as guilty of not keeping in touch with you. Doesn't mean they've given up on you though and I bet it would only take a quick text or email to get the friendship up and running again. Get on the phone now !

[buttons]

Since i posted this question at 1:30ish, ive emailed the friend that i missed, emailed a couple more, text both my sisters and spent 25mins on the phone with my mum and its got to be said i feel a whole load better for it

thannks to everyone.

Buttons - a slightly better friend.

[Drisgirl]

Hi Stranger -lol

Im like you -I have been a fairweather friend for ages but have now decided to really get my erse into gear and make an effort .

Hope youre well x

[buttons]

i am well dris, its been so long since i was on here that i feel like ive been neglecting you all!!

[Drisgirl]

Well now youre back -we'll catch up on the different threads -good to see ya x