Why do we love ?

[Roughquest]

People that hurt us, abuse us, harm us??? People we are involved with, why do we love them unconditionally, to allow us to be treated badly no matter what ? Why am I sat here in tears missing someone that abused me? I really loved him and I miss him so much !

[jno]

because he was part of your life, RQ; you're embarking on a new life now and it's strange being on your own. Because you've got love to give and he was the one you gave it to. You'll find someone else worthier of it, but it'll take a while.

[Poison-Ivy]

ah bless ya Roughquest... Many years ago, my ex was abusive, not physically just mentally. No matter how awful his words could be I still loved him. I don't know why, can't explain it. Eventually I just snapped and had enough, couldn't take it anymore and i ended the relationship. Although I still loved him to the bitter end.

Don't worry too much about it, no one can control their feelings and emotions, no matter how strange they maybe.

Time is a great healer. x x x

[lindapinda]

I've read previously,what has happened to you RQ. You've been very brave and strong,to get to where you are right now. Mental and physical abuse,can go on for such a long time,that it becomes part of you,and even though you have taken the right steps,you are still bound to miss the "nice" person you knew. Your reaction is completly normal,but upsetting for you. As Jno said,this is going to take a while,but,don't expect too much from yourself too soon,and be very proud of what you've achieved so far! Look after yourself xx Linda

[Roughquest]

Thank you Poison Ivy, my 'ex' was also abusive physically, but mostly mentally and emotionally, he never used his bare hands, just used implements to hit me with....but I know i need to move on to pastures new, its just very difficult, i feel helpless that i could not help him through it, or least of all help him through some form of counselling which hurts.....i just want to hold him and tell him it will all be ok.....soppy i know....someone give me a slap !

[Roughquest]

Thanks also to JNO and LINDAPINDA, very valuable comments, thank you once again to you all who have understood.......it is not easy at all.....but out of the 'Jekyl and Hyde' personality, I really miss the Hyde part......he was the most attentive, generous, gentleman and very tactile person I have know for a long time....OUCH....but it all came at a very BIG PRICE.....

[Poison-Ivy]

I'm sorry I don't know the history of your situation but here if you need to talk. x x x

btw after a long almost greiving process i met Mr Poison and am now v. happy.. there is light at the end of the tunnel sweetie x x x

[lindapinda]

I have 2 good friends who both went through this RQ. One,has been mentally and physically abused (enough to have to go to the doctor) and the other mentally. My second friend managed like yourself,to get away.It was not easy. Like Poison Ivy,she is very happily remarried,but,will still avoid any contact with her ex,cos he still upsets her. My first friend,has chosen to stay with her husband,and,to be honest,I always expect to hear the worst someday.

[figure]

Roughquest, I'm sorry to hear of what you are going through, but time is a great healer. Things will get better; you will understand and realise that things happens for a reason. Take care of yourself and be strong. x

[delsgirl]

Keep busy and do not feel sorry for him. Look after YOU and get plenty of actviites to do. even throw yourself into work, it all helps to heal. You would never be able to help someone like that, they have to do it themselves. Unfortunately, women seem to think they are going to be different with them , or they can change them, but its not possible to change anyone, they change themselves and only when they want to, not when you say. Look forward to your new future with pride and be very grateful you are without him. It will take a long time to forget the so called nice bits, as we tend to remember the good times, but please look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself permission to be happy and loved the way you deserve. Make tomorrow the first day of the new you.