Keeping in touch with ex's

[delsgirl]

My partner of 5 years is always texting his first ex wife and saying love you and miss you. When i met him he said she was his best friend and they discussed everything etc even though divorced now for 15 years. I caught him out very early on and dumped him as I knew i would not be able to handle this, he begged forgiveness even from my parents, and said he would never do it again, unfotunately he has never stopped and i check the phone bill every month , and hey presto te numbers there again. they 2 very very grown up kids and grandkids, but i thinks its humiliating and disloyal that he does this and the context of what he texts if so wrong his 2nd wife divorced because of this, first wife also dumped him

[jno]

sounds like Diana - three people in the marriage gets rather crowded. It doesn't look like he's ever going to give this up. You can't make him. All you can do is think about what you want to do. Personally, I think I'd be outta there - but do you feel you're still getting enough from the relationship to make it worthwhile keeping going? Have you asked yourself exactly why you haven't left already? What are the pros and cons? Really, only you can make this decision, so you need to be sure of how you feel.

[Ice.Maiden]

Oh..I don't think I'd leave somebody just because they kept in touch with an ex! Of course, if the texts or calls became very personal, then I wouldn't be too happy, but I certainly wouldn't blow a fuse - I'd discuss matters. My husband often has dealings with his ex, because we were all in the same group of people who knew each other. I'd think he was very mean if he didn't speak to her, and they've even had dinner together. It's all perfectly above-board, and we have trust between us. If children'd come from a past relationship, to my mind, that makes it all the more important for people to stay in touch, and just be civilised.

[delsgirl]

Its the way they communicate that upsets me, all lovey dovey, I love you , your more beautiful than when we first met, miss you etc, apart from discussing the kids etc. They used to go out socially a lot but he stopped doing that when he met me, an he volunteered to do that as I was unaware at the time they did go out socialising, but his second wife rated it as the main point of their divorce as he would not leave her alone and kept letting the 2nd wife down to be with her. He is extremely protective of wife No.1 and when i have bought up the subject he gets defensive with me.

[888sally888]

NO WAY would I put up with this. And I am not a jealous person but this is ridiculous. Tell him is she is that wonderful to go back to her!!

Why did they spilt up?

[country_boy]

if he begged you to take him back with a promise of stopping it, why did you let it slide second time round?
If you put up with it, it'll continue. Sounds like he won't drop it though, I don't get why they aren't together either.
If it were me, I'd walk. Sounds like he's probably giving her more than the odd text!

[delsgirl]

They split many years ago because she wanted more and started going out a lot and had a boob job etc and just did not want him anymore, it cracked him up badly at the time and they did try to get back together but i did not work from a trust point of view. They both met other partners she is still with hers but he had several and then re-married, that didnt work and then he met me, and i apparently knocked his socks off. He does love me and does not go out or anything like that, but he feels some sort of responsibilty for her i think.

[delsgirl]

He has to have sort of contact as they have troublesome kids even though they are older and grandkids, and i cant relate as well as she can i suppose. I dont feel it is her as much as him

[legend002]

You seem to be living in a marraige of convenience.For his convenience not yours.He texts his first ex wife like that youre in denial.Theres only one woman in his life and its not you.



H T H ?

[delsgirl]

ive been all through the arguments etc etc over the last 5 years, and he could go if he wanted to, but he hasnt, even when ive done my damnedest to get rid. Im not in denial i made such a stink about it, that he has to do it behind my back and his kids area nightmare i dont want in my life,

[legend002]

time you got a life that doesnt involve him.

[pastafreak]

Maybe you have to clear your mind of what has happened in the past and start a clean slate with him.......talk openly with him about his relationship with her...but NOT in an agressive way.....ACCEPT that it is something that will never change-almost like giving him permission.....do this for a few months.If it is no longer forbidden to him he may not find her as appealing. If after this, you still can't live with it,and he hasn't made an effort to change......then WALK.

[country_boy]

^^^^^^^^
sound advice

[tufty7]

Different stance from me on this one delsgirl, I reckon if anything was going to happen between him and her it would have happened by now, Just accept he still has a friend ship with her , don't feel threatened by it , Loads of people feel threatened by others past friendships , just because you chat/ text to someone , don't mean your are sh.agging there brains out ....