dealing with setbacks...

[geff_p]

hi every1! jus wonderin how ppl dealed with setbacks in life? Be it in potential relationships or work or circumstances? My way is to get absolutely ****** with friends (or if not on my own) so i dont think about it but i know this is not wise and can feel myself drifting toward this option again after a setback... suggestions?

[leg_end758]

Southern comfort and sprite.Gods medicine.


DTH?

[~max~]

Maybe go see a movie, have a board games night with your mates (sounds naff, but it's really a great laugh!), play games online, read a book? I know it's hard to not succomb to the call of drinks (I'm the same as you!), but ultimately, it's gonna make you feel worse, and nothing will have changed in your situation anyway.

[leelapops]

Hi geff, I don't find alcohol to help me at all, I am not sure why, but if I was to think about getting wasted if I was having a hard time, I would just not bother-I can already see that for me it has no effect!

I think talking really helps. I am really fortunate in that I have some very good friends who I can go to whenever something's up. By the same token I am more than happy to return the favour.

Whatever works really, that's just my favourite. Oh, that and food! x

[raysparx1]

What you mean by setbacks? if you are unhappy at work simple, pack it in and get another job, I have had a few. my son nearly died in an accident at work, my wife has had cancer, mum and dad have gone, but if you think you can hide behind a bottle, you are very mistaken, your problems are still there and you have a headache, face it deal with it, but don't go out and get ******, thats what my dad used to do that and it solves nothing, good luck with whatever it is that you have got to deal with, Ray

[Quoi]

every cloud has a silver lining ;-)

[leelapops]

Ah ray, voice of reason as ever :)

A really fair point there. People spend so long trying to please others, or being too frightened of change to actually instigate it. But there is nothing more liberating than being proactive in your own life direction: so mny people don't have that freedom. Take it while it's yours!! Be honest with those who surround you, and most of all be true to yourself.

x

[Drisgirl]

I thought I would grab the nearest bottle -quite the reverse -I came off booze completely (wasnt a heavy drinker anyway-but like a drink and still do) -I needed a clear head and boy the sound sleeps you get are amazing.

I now imbibe when I want to -not as much and not as frequently -so that was like about 4 months off it totally -I was amazed as I thought that would be the time I would really take to the bottle and I didnt.

You will be amazed at the inner strength which lurks below -take care x

[leg_end758]

You cant find happiness in a bottle.But you may find enlightenment.Which will put you on the road to happiness , when youre sober that is.

Through alcohol some moments of clarity can arrive.

Though not for everyone.

DTH?

[Drisgirl]

True -very philisophical Leg x

[cruella]

Don't think alcohol helps anything really.
Just delays having to face up to reality the next day. It only masks the problems which you will still have to deal with, one way or another.

[leg_end758]

I compare it to the red indians who get themselves into a trancelike state from smoking a variety of plants.During their hallucinatory time they believe they converse with the great spirit and that is their defining moment of clarity .

Same might be said of alcohol , though many it does reat harm to.

[mirela]

i normally talk to friends, and try not staying alone. it normally took a while to get rid of the low mood, just do whatever can make you feel better, indulge yourself, but have to give a deadline and tell yourself it is time to bounce back and stop moaning and make a plan to start again.

[Caribeing]

You can't undo whats done , put it out of your mind and concentrate on the good things life
has to offer.

[leg_end758]

Some say you cant change whats ahead either.Who really knows eh ?

Anyway im offski.

Thoughts to think tonight


bye x

[haysi06]

Hi geff_p,

Like many people I would have a drink in a bid to block out the feelings of disappointment but as you probably know it really doesnt work longterm. My advice is to talk to friends, family or even someone that you can trust from work. Alternatively set yourself some personal goals and work out how to achieve them, join a gym, gives you time to yourself to think and also gets your mind and body fit. But most of all, remember that 'whats for you wont go by you' and I believe that everything happens for a reason.

Good luck and take care

Hxx

[Caribeing]

Leg end too much thinking would drive you crazy
relax your brain enjoy the evening

[helliebobs]

geff_p, I have never got drunk in order to deal with/handle my problems but I can why some do. I used to have quite a self destructive way of dealing with stuff which I won't go into here, but as I have got older I find I either retreat into myself or lash out and scream and shout - depends what the problem is.
Having a good support network always helps - I have a few fantastic friends I trust completely and I know I can rely on to pick me up when I'm down.
I'm also currently undergoing a course of CBT and after each session I am given a different task to complete before the next session (homework if you like) and they are things like a Happy Thoughts log, which I know sounds a bit hippy dippy, but once you start writing things it becomes very cathartic.
Someone on here last week (sorry i can't remember who) posted a question about what little things in life make you happy and I found once I started typing things, I couldn't stop.
It is about reminding yourself that it is just a minor blip, you will get through it and that you have dealt with worse before and come through it ok. It is all too easy to wallow in things and forget what you have achieved, so you need to find some sort of 'tool' which wil help you remember.
Anyone make any sense out of that? ;)

[haysi06]

hellibobs, you make perfect sense, thanks for that. Hxx

[helliebobs]

haysi, seriously, writing a list of what makes you happy, however big or small, you do suddenly realise you have a lot in your life to be thankful/grateful for.
Of course, it always helps to practice what you preach - something I often forget ;)

[geff_p]

cheers guys! went out and played football tonight so not succumbed yet. may well have a few this wkend but it wont b to get over this setback hopefully. jus to get out. problem is i always used to think times a good healer, n i could spend the time drinkin to make it easier. also raysparx listenin to your problems makes mine seem so insignificant. thx every1! x