No hope.....

[smudge]

My Aunt has been admitted to hospital for an emergency operation on one of her lungs. I've just rec'd an email from my cousin to say that they started to operate, but found that she has advanced cancer. She woke up to be told that there is nothing they can do for her & she will be sent home to await her fate.....

My sis & me are going to visit her next week, but as I'm bawling now, I know I'll probably do the same the minute I see her. I just don't know what to say to her to make her feel better.

How do you think you would face this very painful, sad situation.

[Drisgirl]

Its surprising where you get the strength from -I visited my nannie daily -knowing she was dying -she wasnt told but she knew as her 3 girls had been brought in for the news and she told the consulktant that as long as they knew she was happy.

Happy she was -she had ebless visits she had fun-we had laughs and she must have been the happiest most peaceful person to face death evrr.

I dreaded the fisrt visit but it wasnt doom and gloom -she was getting her hair done and she said o heres my granddaughter -have you got �3 -I just laughed and that was the tone until she died 3 weeks later.

Way to go -surrounded by your family -having a laugh and reminiscing without actually speaking about the fate which is going to befall us all -I hope I get that chance.Good Luck Smudge -put on a brave face -but honestly before long you will be pleased that you have this opportunity xxx

[Doc Spock]

My Dad died when I was 37, my Mum died whenI was 41,

My 2nd wife, mother to my 2 daughters died at 44.

I have no problem with death at the appropriate time, ie, we all expect parents to die before us.

Death is always sad.

[Louisa 69]

Smudge, thinking of you and your family at this time. Let your aunt lead the way. To be honest i've never been in that situation before, so don't know how to best advise you.
Take care xxx

[Quizmonster]

My heartfelt sympathy goes out to you, Smudge. As we get older, the death of relatives obviously happens more and more frequently. It doesn't get any easier to handle. I wish you the strength to cope and an easeful passing for your aunt. Thinking of you.

[bigmamma]

Awww , sorry I haven't posted on here much much earlier smudge sweetie. I have only just seen this thread. What sad news for your family. Is the primary in her lung love ?
What an awful shame nothing more can be done , she will be feeling like there is no hope. I really can't imagine what is going through her mind at the moment , but , having been in the position of having relatives that have been told that there is nothing else that can be done , I can remember how your family must feel.
I have my arms open love , open yours and I will give you a big hug . xxxxxxxxx

[Quizmonster]

Isn't coincidence strange, Smudge? Since my message above, I have today had a phone-call from my sister to tell me that an aunt of mine has just died!
As both my parents came from large families, I started life with 17 aunts and uncles. I now have only one left, in her late nineties just like the one recently deceased. Soon, I daresay, that whole "layer" of family people will have been "peeled off". ..and my layer is next!
So, if it is any comfort, it comes to us all.

[raysparx1]

Hello smudge, so sorry to hear about your auntie, but there is no need for words, just an arm around her shoulder, a hug and a kiss on her cheek is worth a thousand words, words are just that, words, what is important is the love you can give, you are a kind,caring loving person, this comes through in what you put on here, so to me all you have to do is go visit your aunt and you will do what comes naturally, just be smudge, talk to her if she wants to talk but as I said , I think, just you being you is more than enough, take care smudge, thinking of you xx

[smudge]

I've just got in to find all your wonderful caring replies, so a big thank you to you shaney, shivvy, mycats, dris, louisa, IAP, Quizzy, bigmamma too. Also, thank you to BOO & bigmamma for your very kind PM's - just read.

I'm sorry for all of you, who have been in similar situations, especailly the news of your Aunt today Quizzy, bless you & your family.

I've read all your posts carefully & they've given me a bit more confidence for next week. All I hope is that her only two children find the space in their hearts to make contact with her, as they haven't bothered with her for some years, which is doubly sad. Once married, they chose to live life above their stations & forget where they come from! My Aunt is a really lovely person & want her last days to be contented & peaceful......

My thanks to everyone who's posted on here, you're all very kind. -xxxxx-

[smudge]

A big thank you to you too Ray. Very much appreciated.

Apologies for missing your name off my list Ray, but I've got a cracking headach & am very tired today. However, I've got my daughter popping in soon with the little ones & they soon cheer me up with their love & cuddles. -xxxx-

[cruella]

Hi smudge
Sorry, I have just read your posting.
Like others have said, best thing is a hug.
No need for words unless your Aunt wants to talk about it.
I expect she will at some stage and be there for her when she does want to talk.
As long as a person knows they are loved, that helps a lot.
Just be strong and hang in there. xxxxxxxxx

[~write~path~]

I've only just seen this thread but wanted to add something.

My grandmother was whisked into hospital with a stomach ache and constipation a few years ago. She was very fit and we were all told that a quick op and it'd all be ok.

Unfortunately things didn't quite go to plan. Once they operated on her bowel they found she had cancer - lots of it - and we were told she wouldn't last any longer than 3 months.

We were shocked and very upset as I'm sure you can imagine.

I feared that I would not be able to even say 'Hello' once she came round without bawling my eyes out and making her bed wet with tears but when the time came - amazingly - I (and everyone around her) was able to hold it together enough to get through the first hour.

After that we all had a bit of a cry and she did too - but she said that she felt much better that we were able to confront it with her rather than sweeping it under the carpet. She was very calm and very brave - and if I'm not careful I'm going to cry!

She was sent home and we were told that we simply had to wait 3 months.

She lived for another FOUR years! And with the right pain relief lived quite contentedly.

It is a very sad situation you find yourself in and I wish you and your family all the best.

[tiggerblue10]

Smudge, I don't know what to say that hasn't already ben said hun. My thoughts are with you and your Aunt xxx

[leelapops]

Smudge, nothing to add to what's already been offered in terms of practicalities, but just to let you know I really feel for you and your family. I hope your aunt's time is peaceful and thshe is surrounded by things that make her happy. x

[smudge]

Popping back to thank you too cruella, ~write~path~, 3lightball, tigger & leelapops - for your wise words & kindness.

I can't stop thinking about how my Aunt must be feeling lying in her hospital bed & can't wait to visit her now to give her the reassurance she needs. -xx-

[bigmamma]

Smudge love , you won't need many words , just being there holding her hand and giving her a hug of support will mean a lot , and give her comfort . xxxxx

[smudge]

Bless you bigmamma & thank you for your messages & PM too.

Sitting holding her hand, will bring so much back thinking of Mum & Dad, so I'll try to be good & smile as much as I can.

Take great of yourself too. -xx-

[bigmamma]

Bless you smudge , hope you get rid of that headache and manage some sleep tonight .
I remember sat by my sisters bedside in the Hospice holding her hand , and not one word passed our lips and yet we comforted each other .

[Kleiber]

I was going to say something, but having read everyone's posts, I'm really stuck for words. It makes me feel so humble, thinking that there are so many of us out there who have gone or are going through the hell of cancer and other things. Smudge, I can't add anything to what everyone else has said - may your God bless you and your Aunt (and your family) and I pray that things are not too hard for you all. Like I said - nothing more to say. Love to all of you (and, In a Pickle, I thought the poems were lovely!) K xxx