Grandparents

[flanker]

Why do grandparents think they have any rights concerning their grandchildren?

 

My in laws went mental when I told them my partner and I had absolutely no intention of baptising our daughter.

 

Neither of us believe in god and therefore it would be hypocrisy of the highest order to do so.

 

They were also unhappy with our choice of name - cheeky b4stards.

[mullein]

i had the same problem with my mother in law a strict catholic when it suited her purpose and as i was young at the time i christend my daughter a catholic to keep her quiet...i know i was weak..but i wouldnt do it again  my daughter has never been to church and doesnt believe and recently she christend my grand children at a church of england i was not amused and didnt attend,,as she just did it for show to say they were christend..i havnt made an issue out of it i just ignored the whole thing and its never mentioned...i had a really interfeering set of grand parents and i kept out of their way as much as possible..fortunately we lived in a different area..what you name your children is your choice if they dony like it tough..i would just tell them firmly you are not having a christening you dont wish to fall out with them and want the subject closed... mullein

[smudge]

Although we were both christened, my husband & I decided against having our two daughters christened & to let them decide their for themselves when they older. We've never had any interference from anyone on this issue & if we had have done, we would have politely informed whoever that it was our choice to do so. This would have included names too of course.

[smudge]

*ignore their after decide!

[CliveB]

You called your child cheeky b4stards????

[FP]

My son was not christened.  His grandmothers (no grandfathers unfortunately) made no comments at all.  We did not christen him as we have no particular religious beliefs and thought it should be his own choice.

 

The only remark we got was from a neighbour who reckoned that it was terrible not to christen him in case anything happened to him and he died young!  I quickly told her that if there was a god that punished young children because their parents did not christen them, then he wasn't a god I wanted anything to do with!

[Robinia]

I can totally understand your anger but if you can stay calm & indifferent to their opinions they'll get the message a lot quicker than if it blows up into a big row.

I'm not christened, my sons aren't either.  There were some mumblings about not being able to have a Christian burial (I don't want a burial anyway) but does anyone actually ask you whether you were christened when you die?  Or at any other time in your life for that matter?

[Hgrove]

It would have been better if your partner had told them that and faced their comments;  but of course they have no right to meddle.  If they continue you could drop hints that they will not see their grandchild if they carry on like this.  However, a word of warning:  grandparents can be very useful for relief childcare later on, so if you can keep them on your side, it is a plus.  When my daughter was born both my in laws were still working full time so I never asked.  They both retired two years later but they never offered to help - they only live a 45 min. drive away so they could have done so without too much inconvenience.  I felt unconfortable asking as they are not my own parents and my husband refused to mediate.  Life would have been so much easier if they had been available sometimes.

[andy hughes]

Some parents have difficulty in accepting that their children are actually adults, with children of their own. they tend to feel that the deeply held beliefs they raised their children to feel have been abandoned, and they feel undermined as people. This is by way of an explanation - it does not excuse this type of behaviour. As  grandparents, my wife and I have been very careful not to be too free with our opinions (and of course we have them!) because two of our daughters are adults, and the third one is not too far off, and they must live their lives as they see fit. My advice would be to try and ride out this issue - once your parents realise that you are going to do things your own way, they may accept the situation. If not, remind them gentrly but firmly that you are adults, and will raise your children as you see fit, you would like thier approval, but you don't require it, and if the push the issues, then a rift will result, which you want to avoid. Hopefully they will listen.

[Joes Mum]

My Dad is a minister and he put no preasure on me to have my son christened his congregation did and when I did get my son christened he was too old ( 6 months)...according to them...I am having another child in March and my in-laws want him to be christened at their church and have told me that my Dad can do abit in the service, I said no thank you why should my dad do a bit when he can do the lot in his own church....my mother in law spends too much time on her own and comes up with lots of stuff to make out she is better than everyone....great isn't it...best one is my son apparently said that he does not want a little brother or sister he wants to go and live with her...when my mother in law told me this my son turned round to her and told her that she was telling porkie pies...I had to bite my tongue so hard not to laugh...hummor them that is what i do....I turn up for Sunday tea and they look after my son every Friday and if I ever want a baby sitter she is there.....

[Robinia]

*I should have said ...ask whether you were christened when you die & not ...ask you whether you were christened. (Would be a bit difficult)

Have found this site which answers my own Q about christian burials

www.baptism.org.uk/christening.htm

[RevShirls]

I can sympathise with you, flanker. I've come across many interfering grandparents (in-laws) - as well as great ones too. I think some people can't let their children grow up and some live seem to need to live their lives through their children and grandchildren.

This is manipulative behaviour to mock the choice you chose for your child and to try to make you feel uncomfortable or to get mad with you if you don't get your child baptised.

People have weird views and superstitions about baptisms. One of them, as Fakeplastic, points out is the view that children need to be baptised young in case anything happens to them. I agree with Fakeplastic, that if this was what God was like then I would want nothing to do with God whatsoever.

I tend to view Christening/Baptism as a sign of welcome into the Christian community/the church. It is not something that should be done to keep the grandparents happy etc.

A few years ago I was absolutely livid when a woman came to my church and asked if I would baptise her grandchild. I said that she should get the baby's parents to come and chat to me. She said: "Oh I don't want them to know about it. They don't want her to be christened. I'm looking after the wee one when they are on holiday and I thought I'd get the wee one 'done' while they were away!" aaaaarrrgggghh

I couldn't believe it! I told the woman in no uncertain terms that this was not her decision and that she should respect her son and daughter-in-law tin whatever they decided.

 

[flanker]

Hear Hear RevShirls, good for you - I'm a lapsed Catholic: my parents bordered on being fanatical Catholics, and as a result throughout my childhood and early teens I had catholic dogma shoved down my throat all the time, and then they were killed: It is, I think, for these reasons that I have rejected religion completely.

 

But, that said, I do respect peoples beliefs, and have been to a number of christenings and baptisms lately as a result of making friends with other parents at the ante-natal classes, and have enjoyed every one of them.

 

People (my in laws) should just respect the fact that me and my partner choose to live secular lives. 

[Greedyfly]

I think it is - they are older therefor they know better?