How many does it take to change a lightbulb?

[Maggoty]

How many Beckhams does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to scratch their head and the other to call the plumber

How many Chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?
I'm changing f*ck-all, like. Get on the blower to the council and get them to send some tw*t round to change it. Their responsibility, innit. That's what I get me council tax paid for me for. Get us a Sunny D while you're up.

How many Wigan Athletic fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Both of them.

How many people with Attention Deficit Disorder does it take to change a lightbulb?
Let's go ride our bikes.

How many freudian psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the bulb and one to hold the penis... er, I mean ladder

how many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
a fish.

How many amoeba does it take to change a light bulb?
1... no, 2... wait, 4, 8, 16, 32, 64, 128...

and finally, an oldie but goodie :

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb
only one - but the bulb has to want to change

[squarebear]

How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to screw it in, and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolises a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity, reaching towards the ultimate horror of a maudlin cosmos of bleak, hostile nothingness.