A delicate matter

[Goodsoulette]

I have a 6 year old son, and someone else in my family has a son of nearly the exact same age. So these two lads have been growing up together, having sleep overs etc etc.

Well, a few months ago they were both sleeping at my house and I crept up the stairs to check they were asleep and they weren't. I asked them what they were up to and they both gave me different answers. SO I asked my son and he informed that the other kid was showing him how to have sex. I asked how, and he said by cuddling really tight. I gave them the sex is for grown ups speech and thought no more of it.

Anyway after they got together recently, the other lad again tried to show my son a little more graphically what to do. I wont go into to details but to it's just getting too much for me to brush aside.

So do I just make sure he doesn't sleep in the same room as my kids. Or do I just approach his mum (we are extremely close) and tell her what he's doing.

I know this sounds like I am entirely blaming the other kid because 'im favouring my boy, but its really not like that. The other lad could easily be my son too as we are so close.

I don't understand where a 6 year old boy is getting this much information about sex, or is so keen on it.

[Goodsoulette]

Get over yourself trebor, the reason i am worried about this is because the other lad is my brother. I meant nothing by going along for the ride, you read in that yourself. Your answers make no sense. As I have said before, I had words with them about it before, and it did nothing to stop it. I cant continue to ignore this. My brother or my son may go and stay at others houses, and whilst I have told them not to do this they have continued to do so.

Ive not suggested I think he is being abused. I was asking advice on how to stop this from continuing. There is exploration and there is taking it too far. As I have said before, I had words with them about it before, and it did nothing to stop it. I cant continue to ignore this. My brother or my son may go and stay at others houses, and whilst I have told them not to do this they have continued to do so. I dont want either of them to be confronted with a situation where either of them continue to explore with someone elses child, someone out of the family might not be so understanding and may see it as a more serious issue.

If you have children and you would be happy for them to try and practice to have sex at the age of 6 I would think there was something wrong in your house.

[Goodsoulette]

actually, because of the way this has gone I am going to ask the Ed to remove this. I have already spoken with my mum about this, so there is no need for any further help. Certainly not rants from you!

[jno]

I hope you get this sorted out, Goodsoulette - as you say, it's a delicate matter. It's unlikely to involve abuse anywhere along the line, but as tigwig says it is a faint possibility. As the kids are only 6 I think they might tell you the truth if you ask them gently and don't make a big thing of it; and hopefully the truth will be nothing more than doctors and doctors. If by a faint chance it is anything worse, then it's better that parents know than not know. Best of luck.

[treborrobert]

tigwig ...if you will not go into detail ???

are you forgeting were we are ??? in a internet advice site !
think you nead more training...
to talk about 2 young boys doing something.as she put it..YES 2 BOYS !. not one boy..
and asking advice on a internet advice site ... and she neads to talk to the other boys parents first not ..do gooders...
how would you like it if someone turned up at your door saying things about your son ..and its a family member that reported it ...but didnt tell her first ????

that family would be ript apart........

she neads to tell the mother first...but as she put it " gah dont realy want to tell the mother "...and there is no way porn is in the home ..i can tell you that ...

sounds like other boys mother is a very strong minded and probly strict mother...and she is going to go mad when you tell her .....

BUT YOU HAVE TOO.....but if as i think you got it wrong and nothing happened to the other boy

its just something he has seen or heared...by the way has he got a tv in his room your son or her son ???

i still say its of the tv !!!!!!! after 9pm when you thought they was asleep

[Goodsoulette]

Trebor if you had bothered to read the posts above, you will have discovered that I have already talked to her about it.


Neither of them have a tv, as I already mentioned. I thought it might be coming from a slightly older sister. Turns out that was the case, she had been passing on slightly dodgy, very innaccurate information

[treborrobert]

ok am sorry ! ansew to your question is ..... you have to be more strict ...tell them both together ..it is wrong what you are doing and it has to stop ..if it continues i will have no choice but to stop the stopovers...

and as its your brother ????
i find that very strange...if you are a mother then your mother has teenage girls in the home and he has pickt something up from there ...sure off it ....tv ..internet ...egc

just tell your mother check the internet what girls are looking at egc...sure you know what i mean ok

like i said am sorry ..just this convo was geting a bit over the top.. and i was worried about the other boy being branded something he is not !......as you said he is your brother so i can rest on that matter he will not be branded or called...and am realy glad you told your mother...with the 2 of you awair...it will probly stop.....

if you read between the lines you will see i was only worried the boys were going to be branded pervs or gay

they are only 6 year old ..end of convo no more on this matter ok ..AND SORRY OK !!!

[treborrobert]

then am realy glad you sorted it out.......

goodbye ......and still sorry for going over the top !

[Goodsoulette]

Right, it is my brother. HE is my half brother and the teenage girls (my step sisters) are only there every other weekend. The internet is restricted and trust me my mum is tough on what telly can be watched. I know this as I was afforded the exact same upbringing myself.

They have been told they wont be allowed to share a room if it was to continue.

[tigwig]

treborrobert I think you owe me an apology as well. What right do you have to say I need more training? You may well be only joking but I don't think that comment is necessary, I was only repeating what I have been taught by 2 very experienced child protection nurses so I suppose they are wrong too? The reason I asked for more detail was because the comments were so vague it could have been anything, when you have just heard horror stories of child abuse like I had anything can go through your mind. I am just glad the situation has been sorted out and for your information I have done lots and lots of training and have 12 years experience in looking after children

[jno]

glad it's all sorted, GS, and there was nothing too unpleasant behind it. And I think you're responding in the right way. Tough being a parent sometimes, as I well know, but if a mother doesn't worry about her child, who will?.

[Goodsoulette]

Thanks JNO, people tell you lots about parenting but in the real world no one talks about this sort of stuff do they? Need better kid manuals lol

[Ice.Maiden]

Good heavens treborrobert - please read my answer more carefully next time - if you have to at all. i think you misinterpreted what I was saying.

[Goodsoulette]

I wouldn't worry about it Icey, I think your answer was perfect to be honest. It's our chosen solution anyways.

[treborrobert]

why am i made out to be th bad one lol ...is it coz i am a man ? ...i am a one parent with 5 children so i think i am awair of child care ...to me the subject was going from 2... 6 year olds ..messing about....YES wrongly ...to child abuse to gay and pedo ..i was only saying that children pick up things quick and will experement what they hear or see ....

after all they are only 6 year old ...as the lady said her son was just going along with it ....so was the other boy...boys will be boys ..lol always doing stupid things...
but i still say askn for details what happened was wrong ! on a internet site ...you agree ?...

anyway as the mother said its all sorted out.....

i was only thinkin of the lads thats all ...as i brought 3 boys up and 2 daughter ..now i have the pleasure of seing my grankids ...at least i can pass them back lol lol....

am not all bad i may be blunt..but i try my best to help ...and as i said if you read all my comments i was only thinking of the boys...as some can jump to all sorts of reasons why it went on ....and in the end it was .....ear say...from older sister...bye bye ......

[thebrainy123]

contact child services re other child, you dont know what is going on

is a clear sign of abuse at his home----

you owe it to the child to do this, even if you are wrong this is something you must do you can do it annomysly i think

or sit the child down and ask him why he is doing it where did he see it etc,

look him straight in the eye and ask him

if his eyes go to the top right hes remembering and telling the truth, if to the left he is making it up

either way his reaction will say it all

[treborrobert]

another do gooder who reads book and probly never had kids ...as for your stupid remark about look up to the left .its true ..and right its a lie ... lol who told you that your granmother olds wife tale lol lol ...
now thats got to be the most stupid of answers...

love to know what books thats in ...no wonder all them kids went into care with that child abuse scam years ago ... was you head of welfare in that city back then lol lol

read more books think you nead it lol lol..

one more thing ..if his eyes are roleing from side to side is he a good lier lol lol

[Maby8]

Some of the attitudes on this thread strike me as alarmist, to say the least....Time to take a deep breath n' get some perspective. It is natural to for kids to explore their budding sexuallity in one way or another. Instead of viewing it as sex, it may be more helpful to see it as a foray into sensuality, ie, pursuits that bring physical pleasure, or gratifification. The enjoyment of food can be regarded in the same light. Children are inately innocent. you are projecting an adult agenda onto these boys exploits. They don't see it as u do. Sure, discuss it gently with the mother, n' the boys....but try to tread lightly. Since neither child is damaged by the experience, it would do no good to instill a sense of shame. I'm sure the little boy in question, means no harm to your son. Sex is every where in the media.....We become what we see!
I don't know the full details, but i think it would be significantly jumping the gun to suggest this child has been abused. We all develop at different rates. It's just as likely that this boy is more advanced than you are used to.
I know of many incidents where such behaviour is exhibited as a natural progression in our personal awareness and development.....I'm sure it is pretty 'normal'.