Not sure what to do

[lil123]

I have been seeing my current boyfriend for about 3 mths and have developed strong feelings for him. The problem is he hadn't been totally honest with me and yesterday he told me that 5 years ago he had a major gambling problem where he lost everything and now can't obtain any credit or get a mortgage etc.
Last week he mentioned that his ex got a car out for him on finance in her name and I said on the lines of I would never do anything that stupid. Since then he had been a bit funny with me and I really thought he was going to end it yesterday when he told me that.
I am really on my guard now as I have been taken for a ride before with men. Ten years ago a boyfriend I had then stole a vast amount out of my bank by taking my bank card.
I am now thinking do I end the relationship now or wait and see if he thinks I am that gullible I will do this for him too.
I am mad cos he has let me build these feelings for him as if I had known in the start I don't think I would have continued our relationship.

[jack daniels]

Hi lil, follow your instincts - if you feel you won't be able to trust him at all then end it now, what else is there that you don't know about him? He could drop another bombshell and then what? will it be too late down the relationship to end it because your feelings are even stronger?
Then again he has told you about it - does that mean he has feelings for you and felt he could tell you about his problem?
I would feel the same as you and wouldn't take out anything in my name for him - that could be a very stupid error in the future, that would effect your credit rating. 'Once bitten twice shy' and I wouldn't want that risk back in my life either. You would be thinking twice whenever it came to money matters and you can do without that being an unnecessary burden.
The last thing you want is the line of ' if you love me you'd take it out in your name for me'

good luck x

[lil123]

Thanks Jack daniels
It was funny cos last week he sent me a text saying he loved me that much he would do anything for me and he put 'I mean anything'
so maybe that was what he was getting at.
I will always be one step ahead so if he is thinking that he is in for a massive shock lol x

[jack daniels]

Is there a hint of emotional blackmail type of thing???!!!!
Have you decided what you're going to do?

[lil123]

I think there could be the possibilty of that happening but I will be very aware of it. I will also tell him I know what he is doing then if he ends it I will suspect what I thinkI have known all along.
I will eventually meet the right man for me but I am not in no rush and doing very well on my own. I start a new job on the 2nd June have my own house that is nicely done out, lots of friends and am back into my fitness and healthy living again so I have everything going for me.
I am giving him the benefit of the doubt for now anyway but I am preparing myself for what I think he is after.

[jack daniels]

you go girl - Enjoy your life to the fullest without the threat of the wrong man! Like you said I'm sure Mr right is out there somewhere - no need to settle for 2nd best!
You're worth more then that.
You be on your guard and I wish you luck in whatever you decide.

JD

[bednobs]

blimey, anyone can have a past! it was probably when he was young and stupid and he's learned from his mistakes. its how we become better people. If he had tld you immediately you got together, it wouldn;t have gone any further. it can be a very big, embarrassing thing to admit that one has had problems in the past, and so he was probably waiting till he felt secure before telling you

You could do worse that TALK TO HIM about what you are feeling rather than tryng to guess what his motives are

[SRH]

I wouldn't jump to any conclusions just yet. Men are funny creatures. Most are uncomfortable with admitting their feelings and talking about their past. Clamming up after opening up to you is pretty much the norm, from my exerience. He's probably feeling a bit vulnerable after confiding in you. Rather than doing the sensible thing and seeing it as good that he's talked to you he's probably just trying to readjust his defences a little.

Give him time, let him know you care and don't push it. Obviously, if you think he still has a problem and it might affect you, that's one thing, but if he's being totally honest then it's taken courage to tell you. If you really feel strongly for him and think he's telling the truth, give him time. In the long run, him being honest is a good thing.

[emma301]

i was with a fella who had a gambling problem after many years he finally got helpwith this and went to g.a....... he stayed away from gambling for almost 2yrs but sad to say he went back to gabling altho he says he has this under control this time round i dont believe he does....... with a compulsive gamberler comes lies and believe me they are good at it..... i ened the realtionship with him in the end and his family now blame me for him going bk to this......but gowith ur gut feling feeling i did

[lil123]

Thanks emma 301
My gut feeling is to end it as he has already told me a few lies that I have brushed off really. I am going to toughen up with him and have a plan that will test what is really with me for.
I have my own house about 50miles away from him as he still lives at home although he has a son but theres no wonder with the problem he had or still has.
My ex husband was a drinker, took drugs and gambled but his main problem was drugs in the end.
I am not prepared to go through all that again for no one.
x

[itsmeron]

dont trust a gambler its highs and lows and dont get involved with n e thing to do with money with him.

[liquidspace]

Run as fast as you can.
Speaking as someone who has been totally manipulated by a gambler - run like hell.
I fell in love with a guy (am still with him at moment) and he has taken about �50,000 (all my money) from me and used it for gambling basically. I had my own house which he pursuaded me to sell. I now have nothing.
I wish someone had told me this when I first met him.