Problem with sis

[Lil H]

I have fallen out with my sister, big time. We had a fight about 4 months ago, it turned physical and I have scarred her arm. Now this fight was six of one half a dozen of the other but I am being made to feel like a violent bully because of the mark on her arm. She hasn't spoken to me for about 2 months now (this seems strange to me as she still spoke to me straight after), we live near each other and she totally ignores me in the street. We grew up together and have lots of mutual friends but it is getting to the stage where they are going to choose between us as the atmosphere is so bad when we're out together (I usually leave early, I am more sensitive than she is). I just don't know where to turn, friends and family don't want to get involved as they don't want it to look like they're taking sides but it is making me depressed. Any advice?

[tictactoe]

Hello Lil,

You poor thing. It sounds terrible, and you must really be desperate to resolve this.

It looks like the reason your sister has now become more distant, is because she has perhaps allowed the fight memory to fester. It starts off as a little sore, then gets worse.

Is there know way that you cannot go and discuss all this with her - lay your cards on the table - let her see how distressed you are, and that you desperately want and need to resolve it all?

Families and friends are staying well clear (which is the best thing really), so you do need to tackle the situation on a one to one basis.

Both of you have to listen to what the other one feels about it all, and the only way foreward is by you both meeting up and discussing it.

Hope this helps,
take care and try not to let it eat you up inside,

n00dles xXx

[tictactoe]

oops *no way* n00dles not *know way*

[ChuffingHell]

From what you've said, the fight wasn't about much so that issue in itself probably isn't the cause of her silence. Sounds like it's purely due to the fact that you left a physical mark.

I must say if I were in that situation and my sibling (or indeed anyone) did that to me, I'd be rather ****** off too. But I think you ought to try and build some bridges because it's starting to divide your friends and family.

So perhaps you approach her and apologise and see how she takes it. But if she's not ready to speak to you yet, you can't make her and I wonder if you might just have to leave it be and try and move on from it by socialising where you won't see her. Easier said than done I know but seeing her out and being ignored will only make you feel more depressed.

[Lil H]

Thanks tictactoe, I think part of the problem is that I have no one to talk to about it. I tried to speak to her last week, I phoned to ask if she was home and she didn't answer (caller ID) so I walked round there, she didn't answer the door (I knew she was in, I could see through the window). Maybe I'm just going to have to resign myself to the fact that I have lost her, it's going to be hard as for the next 4 weeks I have lots of weddings and other family functions which she will be at. I was thinking of maybe writing her a letter, I will probably feel better for writing it even if she doesn't read it. What do you think?

[4getmenot]

You can have my sister :-)

[Lil H]

Thanks 4getmenot! She's very lucky to have you

[redcrx]

yeah, I'll be your sister, was getting bored with 4getmenot anyway.
Id take a step back for a while and perhaps just be civil at the weddings and functions. Dont force her to talk to you but acknowledge her presense and keep conversation light. being surrounded by family and others may make it easier to break the ice.

[JOEYGREEN]

My best friend and her sister had a massive fall out and didn't speak to each other for a couple of years. They too had the same circle of friends and things got so bad that my friend felt she had to move away. She did do and only recently came back. I met her for a drink and it was the day of her sister's birthday. I asked if she had sent a card and she said no. She said she really wanted to wish her a Happy Birthday but it had been so long and blah blah blah. I suggested to my friend that she texted her just to let her know she is thinking about her. She did do and got a lovely message back which absolutely surprised us both. They are now friends which is absolutely brilliant. The main issue why they had fallen out is still there but they are working to get over it. I think what I am saying is, just contact her. You might be surprised of her reaction. You can't do any more than make the effort and try to resolve things. If she throws it back in your face then that's her problem really. I do really hope you make things up. My sisters both mean the world to me so I can understand how you must be feeling. Good luck X

[4getmenot]

Yep thats what I keep telling her :-) How I'm that nice I'd give redcrx away :-)

[JOEYGREEN]

Ok, I've just read your other post. So you have tried to contact her. Maybe it's just time that she needs then. Like I say, it took my friends over two years to finally get talking again. As long as she knows that you are there. Keep sending her messages every few weeks or so. One day she's bound to reply.

[mazie]

if it was me, I'd be inclined to send some flowers with a card just saying "sorry "and wait and see what happens.

[kate1976]

I punched my sister 3 years ago and things are still tense now, only because she acts like she did nothing wrong and acts high and mighty!

We're fine if we talk on the phone but if she visits my parents and I'm there you could cut the atmosphere with a knife!!

Shame really as we were so close but these things happen and you can't rewind time no matter how much you'd like to!

I wish you all the very best in getting back to the way things used to be, just keep in touch with her and try to explain your feelings!

Good luck!

[claireyfairy]

me and my sister were best friends until a few months ago when we fell out after she started trying to work her way through my exes (including my ex-finance - he didn't bite though thankfully). I didn't speak to her for a week after it all kicked off then I tried to get things back to normal, we went out shopping, for lunch etc. but then she seemed to slip into it so easily that it annoyed me because i felt (and still feel) like she still couldn't see what she had done wrong and thought that she was getting away with it. We barely speak now because I can hardly stand to look at her most of the time. If your sister believes that you are in the wrong then this could be partly how she is feeling aswel.

[myword]

Sorry to hear about your falling out with your sister Lil H. However, it is not the end of the world. I have two sisters who constantly fight verbally and physically. Like you two they have crossed each other's paths in the street and looked the other way. They also have friends who choose sides which only serves to keep the beef going. I will suggest to you what I suggest to them; keep your distance, keep the love, but keep it moving. Sometimes the thought of being close to your sibling is nothing more than a fantasy because personality clashes prevent that from ever happening. So, for you to keep the peace you need to avoid unnessary contact with your sister. However, when in her presence give a brief greeting and keep it moving until you both feel it in your hearts to make up. You may not ever know the true meaning of your sibling rivalry, life is too short to try to figure it out. Don't discuss your sibling drama with everyone; the less you speak of it the more peace you sustain. If the only thing that you and your sister share right now is drama, then keep it you alls drama. Trust me I have seen my sisters make up just to end up into a bigger fight next time and then we all realize that they should have just kept doing their own thing. Lastly, don't beat yourself up over the scar on the arm, you probably sustained an even bigger scar on your heart.