Why do some good guys have to go through so much?

[Cockney_si]

Ok, so I've had 2 serious relationships. I've always been faithful and loving kind and caring and a counsellor to their woes.

I'm charming and witty to their humour and still not a boring person just in case you were wondering.

Why do they always seem to leave me for the first guy that shows a little interest in them?

Why do some women go for the rouge type of guy that cheats on them and lies and then tells them what not to wear and which mates they should see?

[OBonio]

Good guys always come last goes the cliche.  Alas, it seems as though this is true sometimes.  Most women don't know what they want I've decided.  They like a bit of rough, but want to be treated well... Can't have it both ways in my book.  That is unless you can do both.  I do well by upsetting the good wife once or twice a month (guess which week) by generally being a slob, going out with the lads and basically being selfish.  We have a bit of a row and make up.  Seems to work.

[willowherb]

some women do tend to go for the bad guys..its a fact it must make them feel good to have someone tell them what to wear and where they can or can not go..by some control freak as though they hadnt got a mind of their own..if i had a man telling me what i could or could not go i would tell him to get lost..some one will come along for you eventually..someone that appreciates you..do you think that maybe you are to easy going? as some women will walk all over you if thats the case..the man that is dommineering and a cheat to boot allways looks exciting ..like the rogues you see on tv programmes..the relationships with them rarely last long unless the woman is a complete doormat..its also a fact that if a woman has an abusive partner and leaves in a lot of cases they go out and get another one..some people never learn..next time someone comes along play a bit hard to get..and keep them guessing..it doesnt mean you have to turn into a control freak..just add a bit of mystery..best of luck..

[hectic]

Being a woman myself, I tend to always go for a rouge, tried the nice type a couple of times but it was never my cup of tea because they were always so predictable and no challenge, a challenge keeps a relationship healthy as do occasional arguements

[Englishbird]

I like confident men. I'm pretty bolshy myself, so need someone that can handle me.  However in the past i have confused confidence with control and therefore ended up with a bad boy.

I still want confidence in a man, but i now know the difference and do not under any circumstance want control, lies and someone who will sap me of the will to live!!!

Be yourself - you will end up finding someone who does appreciate you.  Us girls just take a long time working this out sometimes.  I think you have to have been treated like ***** in order to appreciate the nice guys xx

[Scarlett]

I think all relationships need some kind of energy and challenge to keep them interesting. What makes a character popular in a soap? It is nearly always because they are feisty, confrontational, dangerous, unpredictable etc. Not to say that's what all women want- I certainly don't. I like nice smiley men! But in many ways that is unrealistic. Maybe you should allow your demons to show rather than covering them up. The women you date may just find you a bit dull....?

[dirtyharriet]

I think it's a mistake to look at that way. From what you are saying you are the perfect male and women treat you like dirt by dumping you. Let me rephrase your question and ask you why do you always go for women who treat you badly?

[El D]

self esteem issues. some people like a little drama to tide them over.

[Clare A]

i think Englishbird comes closest to my own reaction. By no means would I want a control freak - had two who tried, one physically and one manipulatively, both were ousted - but  neither could I be with someone who's an absolute 'yes-man', either. The happy medium is a partnership of equals, I reckon, where you can be honest and fair with each other. Can take a lot of finding.

Cockney_si doesn't say how old he is, or how old the past girlfriends were, but this can matter, because people change what they want as their lives and priorities move on. It could be that you've been a bit too anxious to please and therefore came across as a bit 'needy', Cockney_si.

[jimmer]

now i only say this because i've done it, but many of us keep falling for the same type of person each time we embark on  a new relationship. there are complex underlying reasons why we are attracted to certain people which do not necessarily square with what is best for us.All i can promise you is that it is not your fault that they are leaving and there are loads of lovely women out there who are not like that. In the long run it is better that you found out what these women were really like. you can now concentrate on finding a partner who is a bit more comfortable in their own skin.

 

jim

[Cockney_si]

Thanks peeps, glad to see most people know of people that are good people too.

I think I just have bad luck with the people I go for.

Sure people change but the women I have had relationships with seemed to have abandoned the whole thing for something with someone else.

Seems some people would take the gamble of leaving a good, solid relationship for one that could be unpredicatble and get into building up the whole trust thing again.

Don't get me wrong, I don't hate women because of these issues, if anything I'm looking forward to the challenge of a new relationship.

[5029]

you're singing your own praises too much - women dont like that!

[Englishbird]

no he's not. ?

think dirtyharriet had a fair point though - maybe you should look at why you pick women like this.  i look at some of my male friends and the women they go out with and think - you're just asking for trouble.

good luck x

[dmsjps]

They go for those guys because they're too young or just not ready to be settling down, that's all. Therefore, if you're serious about them and they're not about you, then it's best that they leave before the relationship gets too deep, isn't it? Once a girl is ready for a proper relationship, she will look for a guy who offers everything you say you do and she will blank the bolshers; but if she's just looking for fun, she'll go the other way.

 

Are you coming over too strong before they're ready? I know the age-old joke is that women tie men down, but it happens just as much the other way you know.

 

If you're sincere, then don't worry, when you meet the right person and she's ready to settle, then it will happen. In the meantime, chill a bit and have some fun while you can!