seriously though go to the police station and request a crb check,it used to be a tenner and you need photograph id and something with your address on it!
The rules may have change now but it occurs to me that anyone is entitled to information about themselves held on computer under the Data Protection Act (or the |Human Rights Act) and it should cost nothing.
If you are self emoployed and need it for a job application that does not need a CRB check how do you get the information?
A friend of mine had to get their record from the police to take to the US embassy to get a visa to travel there. Don't know how much it costs. Might be a way to go about it, sure the police don't care if you're going to the States or not.