Just askin...

[razmataz]

If a man says he misses you when not with you /thinks about you all the time, says he feels warm around you, loves holding you, but won't admit he is in love with you? Is it an excuse to keep you interested in sex? It's advice for a friend..

[razmataz]

Yes, especially as she is in an LTR herself. They seem absolutely nuts about each other though-her and the affair person. He calls her all the time.

[Barmaid]

OK, granted Logic, she knew he is married. But I have lost count of the women (and men) I have known who have got involved with someone who is married and been told the above only to be left. Boils down to the same thing. He wants his cake and to eat it. Wants the bit on the side, keeps her sweet with "I miss you, I love you, my wife doesn't understand me". Some women are stupid enough to believe it (I have been there, although wasn't stupid enough to believe it and there were enough warning signs for me to know that I was being used so bailed out).

Sounds to me like he wants his fun with his mistress but will NEVER leave his wife.

[Barmaid]

See what you mean - both equally stupid. They are both kidding themselves.

[razmataz]

Yes, but she tells me the guy says 'why woud I lie' when she challenges him on some of the sweet stuff he says. I feel he is a bad egg but I know she just cannot get rid of him. Both have tried but always go back to each other.

[logic]

absolutely, if he can get away with it, who can blame him, ?
the boot could have been on the other foot,
as i said Iv'e been there and done that.

many many years ago I might add but the rules have never changed, as far as I'm aware.

[razmataz]

Go on logic, what are your experiences. My friend is very close to me and yesterday I drove round to see her and she just sat and cried -used to be such a light and happy person and I hate that she is doing this to herself and that this man (who is twenty years older than she) is doing it to her. I despise him in a way , because he is old enough to be her father!

[Barmaid]

"why would I lie?" "cos you are getting it regular you twit".

razmataz - you have the situation down to a tee. They are no good for each other. It will never work. She would be better to address the problems in her own ltr than put her faith in this man. And if she can't solve the problems, she would probably be better off alone (this sounds so unlike my own situation a few years ago, it is uncanny, but I made the right decisions all round).

[razmataz]

How do I advise her and explain the lies? She believes his feelings are genuine. It's tough for me to try and get her off this man.

[logic]

Well razmataz, I'm not going to relate my experiences on here , i'm bad enough by everybody allready,
all I will say is what barmaid has said, there is no easy way out for her, but I think it will mean very little for him.
that's my opinion any way.

[razmataz]

Still think he has feelings for her. He went on holiday and came back crying because he missed her so much.

[logic]

I can think of an answer for that and it starts with B and ends with X.

[razmataz]

I am sure one cannot fake crying! Are men capable of being so cold and calculating? Does he know exactly what he is doing? I am not cynical enough to believe this man would pursue my friend like this if he didn't care. I think he is torn between his family and his mistress. She tells me he just forgets everything when with her, then when he leaves reality hits. I don't want her to harm herself. She is on the phone to me just now.