what to do

[jrobinson200]

ive been with my boyfriend for 8 years next month, im 23.
we split last year for 8weeks and in that time i kissed two men.
my boyf obviously didnt take this well (even tho i thought we were not getting bk together) and his trust in my is non existant,
becuase of this i do not tend to go out (clubs and pubs) on my own as i know how hard it is for him and want to regain his trust before i do this. now the works xmas do is coming up and its at a posh hotel- and with other work teams including the local firemen!! now he doesnt want me to go and i didnt think he would. but i hate having to pretend im going, as i cant tell them at work y im not, and knowing im going to miss out when i really want to go.

but do i please my work mates and go and risk loosing boyf, or keep our relationship happy and miss out!!

[jaydj]

Cant you take your boyfriend with you to the party
good luck

[pastafreak]

Your bf is going to have to learn to trust you,he cannot keep you under lock and key for the duration of your relationship. If what happened- kissing 2 different men-took place when BOTH of you assumed the relationship was over then there should be no reason for it to affect his perception of you. It could very well be the other way around.......how would YOU cope if HE were the one who had kissed someone else?? If you feel that you would not let it affect your new beginning-then you must get this point across to him.Otherwise you may find that his distrust will grow......nip it in the bud now.

[Panic Button]

Dump him and have a good time

[CheekyChops]

As Rachel in Friends used to say... 'We Were On A Break!!!!...'

Seriously, how long would this go on? At some point he has to trust you and let you out on your own. We don't invite partners where I work, purely due to the numbers involved if we did! Some people say that they can't come if their other half can't and I find that very sad. You weren't together when you kissed other people, I could understand it a bit better if you were.

I once had a boyfriend who told me I couldn't go to a Xmas party with my mate, I just said 'Try and stop me!!' and went anyway. I knew I wasn't going to do anything and he should have trusted me too. We didn't last long after that but it was his problem - I really didn't do anything with anybody else and if he couldn 't believe that, then tough I would rather not be with him.

[jrobinson200]

yes it is rachel and ross!!
i did kiss another boy when we were otgether, but we were 15 at the time!! but that did affect him a lot really, sometimes i thnk we should have split up then.
we cant take partners due to numbers.
he may come round to the idea, but i do understand what he feels, as when i weent to my prom without him, i kissed someone (8 years ago!) and when i went out without him when split up i kissed someone. so i can see his point, but i know i wouldnt do anything.........
if i just go i dont know wot will happen, definitly a lot of horrible arguments... is it really worth it.

[barney1966]

He sounds extremely controlling, immature, possessive and jealous.

He should be able to trust you after all the years you have been together, especially as you just kissed these guys when you had split up. It is not really any of his business what you did at that time.

There's no way he should stop you from going to your Xmas do if you want to go and no way you should have to lie about going. You should be able to have nights/days out without him worrying about what you might be up to and vice versa.

What caused the split? I think you got together at an extremely young age. you've been together an awful long time for your age and probably need to be apart and start living a little.

[dustinmyeye]

define " on a break " please

if you were properly split up then i personally think that it isnt really his business and he has no right to get a strop on over it BUT if it was the case of you guys argued siad the usual " I HATE YOU I DONT WANT TO BE WITH YOU " rigmarol then you went out the next day and snogged someone then i could see where his problem stems from.

i do think he has a trust issue and seems jealous and a bit controlling but tbh thats a few times you have went out and snogged some other guy so i guess he is maybe thinking well next time it may be more than a kiss.

[jkkerr]

DEFINITELY go to your night out, whether he likes it or not. You have to be able to live your life, partner or not!

If you don't go then you can scrap any future nights out without him as well - this is his problem, not yours. If you avoid the night out to keep the peace you are giving him the impression that it is ok to control you. He has to understand that you can be apart from him without cheating.

If he doesn't like it, dump him.

[whiskeysheri]

Those guys you kissed don't count, jrobinson!

You situation is very similar to mine; my boyfriend and I have been together 8 years, I'm also 23 and we broke up for three months two years ago. However, during that three months we both started seeing other people. I don't like the thought of him with anyone else and vice versa, so we have agreed not discuss that period (not that there's any reason to), but we had split up, so we were both free to do as we pleased.

By not going out when you want to, you're acting as though you're guilty of something. You need to sit down and talk to him about this. Go to the party!

Have fun. :)

[skipy]

I think i must be very old fashioned cus i don't understand why people get them selves in such difficulties . your bf I'm sure has kissed and probably done more there is a saying "I think you protest-eth to much" this is what your bf is doing why becouse he is as guilty as you.leave learn your lessons and find someone who loves you for who you are and not what you are.

Good luck and take it slow be sure!!!!