Terrible 3's?

[shanilisa]

My son has been a pretty happy go lucky child until recently. He is about to turn 3 and the tantrums and pig headedness has started. This morning he had huge tantrum (out of control) about getting dressed for school to the point where I had to stand him in the bath and pour a jug of cold water on him to stop him screaming. This is not the parent I want to be - please I need advice on how to deal with this. (I am a single parent, so there is no partner to assist with this)

[warpig3]

Morning Shansili, sorry to hear that you are having trouble and unfortunately I am probably unable to help as my little one is not quite at that stage yet. However I dont think the 'cold water treatment' is the way to go. I understand it can be very difficult especially when you are on your own and you have no back up. Is there anyone you can speak to, a health visitor perhaps or someone you know who has children who have gone through this stage?

I am tempted to say perhaps you should just let his tantrum run its course until he has stopped or is exhausted (whichever comes first) but I dont know how I would react to such a situation.

I do hope you can get some advice either on here or from someone you know as it is not easy.

Best of luck

warpig xx

[shanilisa]

thanks warpig - the cold water thing is not a solution I know, but he was so out of control. I had to get him dressed and leave for work in 5 minutes - that was the problem. I did not have the time to let him cry it out. I also live in SA, so we don't have health visitors etc...

My colleague offered me some advice - he says in the mornings he spends some quiet time with his kids before he tells them to get dressed etc. It has changed his life, so I am going to give that a try tomorrow....

[redcrx]

why would pouring cold water over a child help in any way??

Many kids go through the "threenage" stage, its normal. He is trying to be more independant and is seeing how far he can push his boundaries. And you are obviously finding it hard to cope with him.

Speak to your HV or nursery head to see if there are any parent and child groups you could go to for advice but in the meantime try to reward his good behaviour. When he behaves in this manner, calmly walk away and ignore him, then return and ask him again to do what it is youd like done.

[shanilisa]

well it helped in the way that it stopped the uncontrollable screaming - In my post I said that this is not the parent I want to be. His good behaviour does get rewarded and we have a star chart system. I did not have the luxury of time on my side this morning.

[redcrx]

none of us do.

when my son gets into a cycle of crying and cant stop himself i find that blowing in his face can help (in fact he asks me to do it if hes upset). Maybe give that a go as its not so harsh (and doesnt cause more work) as the water.

maybe try and get him dressed first and then have his breakfast in the morning. you may find that you need to wake earlier at first to get it done in a calm manner.

[warpig3]

I understand how difficult it can be when you are on your own as I am in the same position at the moment.

What I do is (please bear in mind that my one is not at your sons stage yet ie full blown tantrums): I get up at 6am, have a cup of coffee then she will get up between 6.15 and 6.30 (this is the time she wakes at). I give her her breakfast and a bottle, change her and dress her and play with her until 730.am. The I plonk her in the cot with some toys while I have a shower. After this I get dressed with her still in the cot, talking and playing at the same time and then out the door at 8.10am.

It seems to be working fine for now, fingers crossed, and I think that is because I have allowed so much time that nothing has to be rushed, that said I do go to bed at 9pm in order to get up at 6!!!!

[shanilisa]

thanks warpig. I am going to try to get going a little earlier in the morning to allow more time to chill with my son before the rush. At present I get up at 5:30am and have to be out of the house by 7am in order to get him to school and then to work by 8am. Fun living in South Africa hey! lol

[warpig3]

At least the weather is better in SA!

I can see the problem, to have him sorted and ready, and be out of the house for 7am does mean an early start for everyone and if he decides to sleep in or have a tantrum it can b*gger everything up.

I do hope you get it sorted, I never realised how difficult it is to 'try' and control a youngster until now - how can something so tiny be so demanding/frustrating and push you to the limits?????? Its not easy for anyone but more so if you are on you own. Am sure all will be fine.

[redcrx]

these tantrums could also be because of his early start. Is there no way that you can wake him later and school give him breakfast and dress him?

[Allykitten]

Hope you get it sorted - very difficult early starts. Maybe you could prepare more stuff the night before. Perhaps he sees you in a panic and plays on it knowing you will have to give him attention?

Sure the methods suggested will prove useful - mine liked blowing on their faces too!!!

[shanilisa]

hi there

thank you all for your posts - much appreciated. This morning went much better - I got things ready the night before so we spent a bit of cuddle time together before he had to get dressed.