Please help

[BIG DAD]

I am a 37 year old man with a fianc� of 29 and 2 lovely kids, a boy of 7 and a baby girl of 5 months.
I love my family more than anything in the world and am able to provide quite well for them.
My problem is I'm sick of it all, sick of where I live, sick of work, sick of this country, sick of arguing about nothing, sick of the way we live, I am just sick of it.
Ideally I would like to sell up pack up and take my family to start a new life somewhere else, I'd like to live in a village without the hustle and bustle of a town and the worry that if I stay here what are my kids going to end up doing ie drinking, drugs, working in a job they don't enjoy etc.
I know this may not happen but I have this constant feeling that as a family we could be much happier than we are. I feel like I am failing them and me.
I know I am ranting on here but  for the first time in my life I feel I am doing the wrong thing just carrying on and waiting for my kids to grow up.

If I knew what to do or where to go I could raise about 40-50k to help me start somewhere else.

Please has anyone got any suggestions on how to stop feeling like this of where I can go to to live the life I think I want

[ALLO]

sounds to me like you need to talk to the lord. he knows everything about your life. try praying. but remember that things seem worse before they get better. imagine your a flower bed that is over run with weeds. you have to pull all the weeds before your roses will bloom. that's what happens when you walk with jesus. he draws out all your sins and makes you pure again. i'll pray for you! money isn't everything. there's a saying, you might get what you want , but you might not want what you get! good luck with everything!

[hectic]

The Isle of Man is a lovely place to live, very low crime rate and plenty of beautiful countryside, also a bonus is 10% income tax, no inheritance tax etc  Sounds to me that you are in a rut and want a complete change in lifestyle where you do not have to worry about your family as much and I think the island would be ideal for you

[jno]

Most places have pluses and minuses, including drugs and bad jobs. If you do decide to get out, do plenty of research to make sure you aren't just exchanging one trouble spot for another.

I suspect though that it's the job that should be your first priority (especially since you seem to hate it so much you're scared your kids will end up with bad jobs too). Is there anything else you could switch to? Do you have a hobby that you could turn into an income? Or would you be happier with the same work but in different surroundings?

As for the children, you love them and support them, which is a huge start; it's that they'll remember, not the fact that there's too much hustle and bustle outside. You can't keep them from drink and drugs, short of living in the Amazon jungle somewhere; what you can do is instil in them enough common sense and self-confidence to handle these and other challenges when they come.

Good luck

[Emily Ball]

You are not alone in feeling this huge sense of dissatisfaction. My two sons felt the same . One recently left to live in Japan with his girl-friend and the other did a long stint teaching English in Taiwan and plans to return there soon. Their situation was/is different from yours in that they don't have the committments of  children or mortgages. Does your partner know just how unhappy you're feeling with your situation? Maybe you haven't even discussed it with her?  I have always encouraged my children to get out and explore the world before they get stuck with mortgages and committments . If you feel that you could be living a happier life with a better outlook and environment for you and your family then sit down with your partner and work out a positive plan, do your research as jno suggests and go for it.  You are still plenty young enough . 

[flaming]

What about the west coast of Ireland?  I don't think there's any qualifying amount of money you must have Check the Isle of Man re that before you get keen - you can't go just anywhere these days without having a certain amount of dosh - Jersey'sone, Australia another, I think.  

 Say you stay in the UK:  A friend of mine made a leap from a tiny house in Barnes SW London to the Border country, Scotland, having enough money from the house sale for a detached bungalow and a garden we in the south would call 'land',  about 30 miles from Edinburgh.  She doesn't have to work now as her husband secured a good job after doing agency work for a time.  The village is not one of the 'quaint' ones so the property prices were not scandalous.  Have you talked over your feelings with your fiancee?  Getting married could improve your financial allowances.  Does she have any connections with Wales, Scotland or Northernn Ireland? who could scout round for you pair.

The depression andy hughes mentions:  if it is more than just dissatisfaction you would have to have help.

First, smake a list of the pluses and minuses a bout now. You might be letting fear of the future overshadow what you have.  You are not in any war-torn country, not starving, not suffering an endless drought,  cold, heat - all habitat stuff.  Also your partner & the kids might be very happy as they are - it's just you being the unhappy one. is it? You say 'sick of arguing' so there must have been something that has set this off.  Neighbours?  Job?   If you make only small changes, it might suffice until you are in a better position to move to a country area.  If you still feel bad, then you need some counselling.  It can be granted on the NHS through your GP for a limited time so have a chat with him soon.

[smudge]

I was going to suggest that you could be suffering from some kind of depression & see that Andy has expressed the same.

Providing & caring for your family can be very difficult, especially if you are feeling 'down'. Please visit your GP, even if for just a chat & reassurance. Chin up & good luck BIG DAD. 

[indian]

It may seem like moving somewhere else would make you happier, but will this really get to the root of your problems? If there's more to it than just where you live where ever you move the problems will still be with you.

Just because you might not live in the perfect area and have the perfect life, it doesn't mean your failing your family. Why do you feel your failing yourself? Is it because you feel you could do better? I f so I think it might be best to take small steps towards getting where you want to be.

As for your kids, when they grow older they're going to do what they want regardless of where you live. So long as you bring them up to have their head screwed on right, you've not failed as a parent. Once they get older they'l make their own decisions regardless- tyrust me i speak from experience. So try to enjoy them right now.

Good luck, let us know how you get on. x

[BIG DAD]

Thank you all for your advice, i dont feel so down at the moment and have spoke to my fiancee about my feelings, we are making a few changes but staying put for the time being, again thanks for your advice.

[mycatis]

Just do it! I know exactly how you feel and this wont go away I left town and move to country never been happier and my son is now at a tiny village school and doing really well, but in the future I would like to go to abroad, get in touch with companys who help with immagration applications. good luck