Crosswords0 min ago
Just have to get this out of my system
5 Answers
About a year ago I moved out of my hometown to go to university, just at the peak time where I was falling in love with my best friend (me female, him male).
Now I'm back for the summer and have been seeing a lot of him, and things are exactly the way they were before I left last year.
I just feel like he's the ONE, who I'm meant to marry and have children with. I can't imagine anyone else ever being as amazing as he is, and I'm scared that I never will.
Everyone thinks we should be going out, but I'm the only one who knows that he is gay. I am making myself ill with worry over the fact that I might never meet anyone like him. I'm losing sleep, have lost my appetite and he's basically starting to become my life.
It just feels like such a waste that we are so good together. This is exactly the sort of thing I would usually talk to him about, but I can't because it's about him. I just needed to share that.
Now I'm back for the summer and have been seeing a lot of him, and things are exactly the way they were before I left last year.
I just feel like he's the ONE, who I'm meant to marry and have children with. I can't imagine anyone else ever being as amazing as he is, and I'm scared that I never will.
Everyone thinks we should be going out, but I'm the only one who knows that he is gay. I am making myself ill with worry over the fact that I might never meet anyone like him. I'm losing sleep, have lost my appetite and he's basically starting to become my life.
It just feels like such a waste that we are so good together. This is exactly the sort of thing I would usually talk to him about, but I can't because it's about him. I just needed to share that.
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Well Jenny, you probably get along so well because he is Gay and Gay men do tend to be more open with feelings, no need for macho behaviour, he probably wears his heart on his sleeve, so you can talk, confide and interact with him more easily than a Hetro man.
The long and the short of it, is that he IS Gay and you can never have the kind of relationship either of you would probably like. It would never work and neither of you would be happy. Try to be grateful and satisfied that you have such a wonderful friend and don't spoil things by admitting your true feelings to him.
As you are at University, I'm guessing you're still quite young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You will meet that special person, who you'll settle with and have a family, but understand your best friend is not that person.
The long and the short of it, is that he IS Gay and you can never have the kind of relationship either of you would probably like. It would never work and neither of you would be happy. Try to be grateful and satisfied that you have such a wonderful friend and don't spoil things by admitting your true feelings to him.
As you are at University, I'm guessing you're still quite young and you have your whole life ahead of you. You will meet that special person, who you'll settle with and have a family, but understand your best friend is not that person.
He is NOT the one who you are meant to marry and have children with, he is gay and doesn't fancy women. You will meet someone who is as amazing as he is, even though you don't think at the moment that you ever will.
There is no point making yourself ill and worrying, losing sleep or not eating. It is never going to become any more than it is at the moment, best friends. If he is starting to become your life then you need to step back a little and find other things / people to occupy some of your time so that you don't become completely reliant on him.
I don't mean to sound harsh but I have been in exactly the same position as you and you do get over it eventually. I know you think that you can somehow 'change' them and if only you could get together they would realise what they were missing but trust me, it doesn't happen.
It does get easier once you accept that he is gay and nothing and nobody is ever going to change that.
There is no point making yourself ill and worrying, losing sleep or not eating. It is never going to become any more than it is at the moment, best friends. If he is starting to become your life then you need to step back a little and find other things / people to occupy some of your time so that you don't become completely reliant on him.
I don't mean to sound harsh but I have been in exactly the same position as you and you do get over it eventually. I know you think that you can somehow 'change' them and if only you could get together they would realise what they were missing but trust me, it doesn't happen.
It does get easier once you accept that he is gay and nothing and nobody is ever going to change that.
I find it interesting that you are ignoring what is a fundamental truth of life, that is that gay men can not be THE ONE for a woman, they just cant - it is an immutable fact of life.....................
So why do you bother to continue with this what could be seen as a ridiculous desire to make it into something that it clearly can never be.
Why not accept you will have a friend for life, someone who will give depth and strength to your life, but will never totally share it...........hey !! your lucky !!! you have a friendship that could last forever.
Let him go as a potential lover/partner and accept him as a life long friend........... and stop being so pathetic and start looking for THE ONE properly
So why do you bother to continue with this what could be seen as a ridiculous desire to make it into something that it clearly can never be.
Why not accept you will have a friend for life, someone who will give depth and strength to your life, but will never totally share it...........hey !! your lucky !!! you have a friendship that could last forever.
Let him go as a potential lover/partner and accept him as a life long friend........... and stop being so pathetic and start looking for THE ONE properly
Yes, you obviously have to move on, as most of the above suggest. But the advice about "you WILL meet someone who is just as amazing" is a little simplistic. You may not. Life's not a fairytale. This may well be the most ideal man for you in your mind, ever - but it happens, and people just have to get over it. Put yourself in a gay man's shoes: it's bound to happen a lot more to a gay man than vice versa.
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