Boyfriends Ex

[Smooser]

I have been going out with my boyfriend for a few months now, we are both really happy and everything is going well.
Except there is one thing bothering me and that is his ex girlfriend. They were in a long term relationship which ended on good terms last year, they are still friends and keep in contact. They also have the same cirlcle of friends so I know she will always be in his life.
I have met her and it was polite and friendly, I knew about her before me and my boyfriend got together as we were friends first, I just wasn't expecting them to be on such good terms as they are.
I have expressed my feelings basically saying I feel quite uncomfortable being around her as they were together a long time and know each other so well.

I know everybody has a past but its hard when the past is going to be around all the time. Should I talk to my boyfriend about it again or just try to deal with it?

[Sqad]

Yes lofty.....quite true.

[LoftyLottie]

Hi Red x

[redcrx]

Hello lofty! xx

[Smooser]

Thanks all,

Its good to get outsiders opionions, deep down I think I know the answer to my own question, just good to hear what others think.
I'm happier than I have been in a long time, this is just an obstacle I need to get over.
She is not going anywhere so I need to deal with that fact, and I'm sure it will get better with time.

[LoftyLottie]

You sound like Mr LL Sqad. 'Yes Dear' He knows he can't win!!

[Sqad]

Lofty...absolutely.

[SazzyC0]

I am in the same situation. My BF is still close with his ex. It bothers me a bit but they were also together for years. She has moved on now and has a baby with someone else but she comes round and brings the baby sometimes.
It did bother me a bit at first but they are just friends, if they wanted to be together then they still would be, his ex is a nice enough girl and we get on. You can't dictate who he can and can't be friends with, you are likely to scare him off.

[Smooser]

Sazzy - How long have you and your bfriend been together now? Can I assume it just gets easier with time? Did you talk about it much in the beginning?

[lil75]

If im honest, I dont think I would be comfortable with it at all, if it was someone hed had a quick smooch with yeah, but not an intimate relationship, pretty hard to have to face!

Its a tricky one, but you shouldnt ignore your own feelings, they are obviously very real to you....you should ask your fella how he would feel if he had to share the same room as someone who you had been intimate with, I dont think he would be too comfortable about it do you?!!!

[lil75]

Forgot to add, as difficult as it is, she is obviously his ex for a reason, but the past is in the past, it shouldnt be following you arond like a bad smell

[Rollo]

The bottom line is trust. Do you have the necessary trust in him or not? If you do then you should not have a problem.

[Sqad]

Quickest way to direct him back into his ex's arms is to make a "big deal of it"

[Seadragon]

It is a very difficult situation you're in and I think I'am more of Lil's view. One of my friends kept in touch with her ex-partner and they were 'considered' to be friends. But her ex would make suggestive comments when his partner was not around to my friend and most of all, my friend loved it. Even though their relationship had ended, my friend loved the fact that she was 'unattainable and desired' by him and it would make her day.

If it bothers you that much, I would personally ask him for clarification. I would say that this is the LAST time I am going to ask you, but to please consider my feelings (as some of the other posters have said) but where do I stand with you? - If he answers quite convincingly that he IS with you and you matter the most, in whatever words, then you have to accept the relationship as it is.

But you are in stronger position to tell him that you can deal with the social gatherings but are not comfortable with her contacting you through facebook and the rest of it. Then it is his decision and responsibility in controlling his relationship with his ex, however that relationship is now or in the future.

I don't know whether I am giving you good advice, everybody is different. But there is a variety of opinions on here to draw from.