Other people's kids

[New Seeker]

I have a problem and can't work out if I am to blame or not.

I have fallen out with my closest friend (and former partner) Claire (a mother of two children - a boy aged 20, a girl aged 18).

I have no children myself.

Claire and I did not/do not live together.

Over the past 18 months, I have regularly visited Claire's home where I have always been warmly welcomed and treated nicely by her and her son.

However, Claire's daughter, Naomi, has always gone out of her way to be rude to me, humiliating me in front of others, shouting in my face, mimicking my manner of talking, picking me up on any remark I would make about a TV show we were watching, or life in general, and generally being hostile.

I put up with this behaviour from Naomi for 18 months, and tried to laugh it off, because I was anxious not to upset Claire, or cast her in the role of 'referee' in the house etc. every time I visited. I also tried to take into account Naomi's age.

However, on Friday night, I e-mailed Claire and explained that I was beginning to wonder if I should have a break from visiting her house for a while, unless Naomi's behaviour towards me changed.

Claire seemed to go berserk and e-mailed me back telling me that it was I that was in the wrong, as I should be taking into account Naomi's age, and the fact that she was only 'bantering' with an older male figure due to the absence of her natural father from whom Claire is separated. (I did not meet Claire and begin a relationship until six months after her marriage break-up and was not instrumental in the break up. Our relationship did not really work out, but we remained close friends.)

What I feel is that Claire has not been prepared to take into account my feelings in the whole matter, and when I eventually said I needed her to do something about it, i.e. have a quiet word with Naomi, she press

[happyone2]

i think this whole situation is confusing for naomi, you are not a partner to her mum, so in her eyes perhaps not the "supportive person " of her mother, but JUST a friend..............so you are fair game, she can use you to take our the anger she feels at the situation ie mum not with dad.......................................

claire doesnt want to support you against naomi, cos again you are ONLY a friend........................

you had an opportunity to be able to influence the family dynamics but as you say " our relationship did not really work out, but we remained close friends " therefore you are ONLY a close friend, nothing more nothing less...................................

dont over step the mark, naomi was there before you and will clearly be there when you have gone

[New Seeker]

Thank you for your response, happyone2. Will give the matter further thought.
New Seeker