I love him so much, but .....

[JanineG]

Everything about our relationship is great, apart from his friendship with his ex.We’ve argued about it,and he’s told me that they’re friends.e even told her we argued about it, She asks him things like “will you get in trouble for being here?”A few months ago he said he wouldn’t go down there anymore.I told him that I didn’t want to stop him being friends with her, and we could all meet He agreed. a week later he picked me up from work and told me he’d been to her house,and that she had work to be done so he’d be going back. Again, we argued, but I said that if she had work to be done in the house, that was different.I’m being paranoid and jealous, but I just can’t help those feelings. A couple of weeks ago They sat and watched a film together. When he picked me up from work that night he couldn’t understand why I was upset. He said he wouldn’t go there again, and we agreed (again) that the three of us would meet up, though no arrangements made.Last Tuesday he confessed he’d been back since that argument, but had decided not to tell me about it because of what reaction he might get. I was devastated that he lied to me. He even told me that when he was there she’d asked about more work she needed done and he told her that he wasn’t supposed to be there and that he’d get in trouble. This made me look like a fool– she knew he was sneaking around to see her, and knows that I’m jealous of their relationship.He’s said that he won’t go back there again now – but I just can’t help wondering if he’s going there without telling me just to keep the peace – He was off work again yesterday, and I didn’t even bother to ask him if he’d been there, because I don’t know if I’d believe him if he said no. How can we move on from this?

[TTG]

Unless there are children involved or he needs to pick stuff up why would he want to see his ex? He can telephone her if he wants to check she is ok. Tell him to stop seeing her otherwise it's over.

[zzxxee]

i agree with ttg unless kids are involved he shouldnt be there
it sounds like he hasnt really got over her
have a break and tell him unless he can commit to you fully you are not prepared to put up with the lies and find someone who can give you the total respect you deserve x

[redcrx]

is he allowed friends? male friends? female friends?

is it just the fact that she is his ex that youve got the problem with? or do you think theres something going on?

If you give him the ultimatum, are you prepared to lose him if he refuses to give up a friendship?

[ummmm]

How long have you been together?

How long have they been separated?

I'm mates with a couple of my ex's but not to that extent. I might go and meet them for a beer or something but my BF is always welcome to come. He hasn't lied to you though, he just didn't tell you at the time. I'd avoid telling someone something if I knew it would cause an argument.

[Androcles]

Ex what, partner, girlfriend, wife?

Why did the relationship end? Does he have any responsibilities towards her despite the breach. If not, his continual need to keep seeing her seems strange, unless he did not really want to break up with her and she with him - in which case why is he putting you through this, since it obviously upsets you.

One might also ask if he gave his side of the story, are you are making more of this than it deserves because of jealousy?

[jackthehat]

What are the circumstances behind their break-up ?
This may give some clue as to his behaviour................

[ummmm]

You can be friends with ex's. Just because the relationship didn't work doesn't mean a friendship can't.

[JanineG]

I've never said he shouldn't be friends with her, but that I'd rather he did it out with other people, and me, not on their own at the house they used to share. I know i'm jealous and paranoid - but i can't help those feelings. I'm trying so hard not to be unreasonable. I would never ever give him an ultimatum.

In answer to your questions, we've been together about a year. They were together for a few years before that. No children between them. Yes, it is the fact that she's an ex that's the problem, although i'm not sure how i'd feel if he went sneaking around to see any of his female friends when i was in work. i understand why he didn't tell me that he'd been there again, but he still SHOULD have told me. I've asked him to put himself in my shoes and he says he'd hate hit and be filled with jealousy - but then, when it comes down to it, he disregards my feelings again.

He gets jealous that i have male friends, but i only ever see them when i'm out with my boyf. i would never dream of going to visit one of them at their house when he's in work, as i know how that would hurt him.

I love him very much and don't want to think about this being the end - i just need to know how to fix this. I can't carry on worrying all day when i know he's not in work - is he there? are they laughing at my paranoia? will he tell me he's there or lie?

Thanks for your help guys x

[ummmm]

Do you trust him?

I went round my Ex's for a bath (bathroom being ripped out) and he took me to lunch. I asked my BF if he minded and he said no, have a nice day but don't forget my dinner.....

He knows me and trusts me.

[tamborine]

He comes with baggage - like it or not. Get rid if its too painful to accept.

[katerich48]

My ex husband always came back to do jobs for me... as it saved me having to pay to get someone in to do it.. His new wife always was and still is absolutley fine with it...We have a daughter who is grown up now and because of her I always tried to keep our divorce amicable - In fact when my daughter got married the three of us did all the wedding arrangements between us.. and we have all been on holiday togenther...Most people found it weird but it worked for us.,,.I have to say once our relationship brokeup I had no interest in him romantically or otherwise - I just needed his plumbing/decorating/electrical skills..

[JanineG]

..