Cancer

[The Tiggster]

My dear friend's Mum has been diagnosed with secondary bone cancer that has spread to her liver. This has shattered my friend's family & they are not really wanting to (understandably) talk about it.

I am clueless about illnesses like this & I would like to understand a little more so I can support my friend rather than clucthing at straws when she does want to speak about it.

Can anyone tell me what secondary cancer is & can anything be done when it is in her bones or point me to a website that speaks in layman's terms?

Thanks x

[depressedmgl]

I am truly sorry to hear about your friend's mum.  There are a lot of sites which will give you information about this awful disease.  Here is one which you might find helpful

http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/aboutcancer/?version=1

[hopalong]

As for as I know secondary cancer means that the cancer started somewhere else in the body.  You shoud type secondary cancer in any search engine and see what it brings up.  Sorry I cant be more helpful but I dont wnat to give you the wrong info.

[Robinia]

So sorry to hear about your friend's mum.  The best site for information I've ever found is the cancer bacup site here .  However, please don't feel that you need to have an abundance of information about cancer to support your friend.  (I speak as someone who's had cancer & had family members with cancer). To just be there for her, (she might not want to talk about the cancer anyway), will be an enormous help.  I've found that the emotions of seriously ill people & their families are pretty much the same whatever the actual illness. 

All the best, you're obviously a good friend to have.

[lindapinda]

Having been in a similar position to your friend,I would say that the best thing you can be to your friend,is just be yourself.Don't be afraid to ask her if she wants to talk about whats happening,or it may be that because the situation is so intense,she might just want to talk about something else to get away from it for a while.You know your friend well,and just try and take your lead from her.

[ursula62]

Hi Tiggster

Sorry to hear about your friend's mum. It must be a shock for everyone who knows her. 

To deal with your questions - secondary cancer is cancer that has developed following an initial cancer growth somewhere else in the body. As far as whether anything can be done - an oncologist would need to answer that, after gathering a full medical history from your friend's mum. But there is always hope - medicine is making advances all the time, and cancer research is one of the more successful fields of medicine these days.

Your friend already knows she has your support and I doubt she would want technical medical advice from you anyway. She needs someone to listen when she pours out her heart, and she needs someone to give her a hug when things seem too bad to bear, and she needs someone to take her out on silly trips occasionally to give her a break from the hard slog of keeping up a brave face. Oh and don't forget the practicalities. People who are visiting hospitals most nights often forget to shop for the basics or pay the bills, so you might want to offer to pick up some groceries or take some cheques to the bank for her.

Relatives of people with cancer often put on a brave face to family and friends - feeling they have to be strong for the person who is ill - when in reality sometimes they just want to cry and scream out that it's all so unfair.  Other times the relatives can get fed up with people who pussyfoot around the subject, never mentioning the "C word". People do this because they are scared - scared of upsetting you or appearing ignorant and insensitive.

The best thing to do  is let your friend decide the subject matter for your talks. If she wants to talk about cancer then listen and learn from her - she is at the cave face at the moment.

[butter1]

Hello, I am also sorry to hear about your friend and her mum. 

My mum and dad had cancer although sadly my mum passed away from it.  All I can say (and agree with the other posts) is that just be yourself and listen to your friend if she wants to talk.  When I found out about my mum I just tried to pretend that it wasn't happening and I just bottled my feelings up, everyone reacts differently.  But I wish you and your friend and her family all the best. x

[The Tiggster]

Thank you all very much, you're kindness has overwhelmed me. Your suggestions are very sensible & helpful also & I will simply be there for my friend (and her Mum) when she/they need me.

My friends Mum is seeing a consultant this week (3 days after being diagnosed) so we are all preparing for the worst as it seems to be very rushed. I wanted to be as up to speed with what the ilness is going to mean to them all as I do not want to ask dumb questions.

Thank you again. x

[depressedmgl]

You ask as many "dumb" questions as you want Tiggster, just don't be afraid to ask.

[The Tiggster]

Thank you depressedmgl, I appreciate your support which makes me feel stronger for my friend & her Mum.

Tomorrow will be a bad day as they go to see the Consultant. x

[butter1]

Tiggster, how did the consultation go?

[The Tiggster]

Hi butter1, unfortunately they went to the consultant who was very non committal & is sending her for more tests. I think they are so careful now giving out info/diagnosis in case they are wrong so I think they are waiting until further results are in before they say anything.

The wait is awful for them, they are just wanting to know what they are facing. My friend & her Mum are holding it together quite well (my friend has a young child who thay have to keep a normal life for) it's her Dad who's in bits.

Thank you for asking about them I will update if & when I have news.

Tiggs x

[The Tiggster]

My friends Mum is still undergoing tests & the Dr's are not ready to tell her the diagnosis. She may have to go into hospital this week as her blood platelettes (sp?) are being destroyed by the cancer. As a result she is brusing all over & may need a transfusion.

Meeting my friend today.