Do all guys.......?

[Leapers]

Hi

Just wondering if all guys go through the whole.... is she more experienced then me, what if i am not any good at it, what if i fall flat half way through, what does she really think of me etc etc before having sex for the first time or any time after that??

Thanks

[boxtops]

...and you think women don't have the same thoughts - about themselves, not about their blokes...?

[joggerjayne]

if she is more experienced, then he's lucky !

if you ... i mean "he" ... does "fall flat" half way through, she will know what to do

[Leapers]

Its not that women don't also just my boyfriend and i were talking the other day after watching this film in which it came up (human traffic- complete rubbish and not worth watching btw) and i was just curious as it has never crossed my mind before but now you have enlightened me that women probably also have the same!

[Eve]

I think people have all kinds of neuroses about being with a new partner in general.

Getting to that stage may well be wishful thinking in general for me with the current guy I like but some of my current ones involve my weight (my ex had an issue with it), the fact that the current object of affection has a very slim ex and a more random one in that ex told me I snored a couple of times!

To be fair, he didn't have an issue with the latter, would have been a bit hypocritical lol, but I know have a complex about snoring!

[Leapers]

MY boyfriend has a thing about his snoring as well but i don't think i helped with that one as i told him that i hadn't slept well as he kept me awake snoring all night very early on in the relationship but it turned out that it had been the first night he had felt comfortable going to sleep when i did rather than waiting for me to go to sleep which he had previously done of which i had not known about so i felt extremely guilty about that one! And with weight and stuff i am a little like that his ex is very very pretty but i just keep telling myself that an ex is an ex for a reason!

[andy-hughes]

Couples are just two people, so yes, everyone has issues the first few times.

We all learn quickly that adult film actors are just that - actors - professionals, and it's never how they make it appear!

As a married man, my memories of 'first times' are hazy, but i was always blessed with a degree of confidence, because any sexual contact i ever had happened on Day One, or not at all, so i didn;t havr much time to build up any complexes.

I am a confident person anyway, I know very well what i am, and what I am not, what I can do, and what i can offer, and i think if you concentrate on that, it makes things easier.

I lost my virginity to a seriously beautiful woman, and i recall thinking that she must have had dozens of offers, regardless of whether or not she acted on them. Then I thought - well, she is here with me now, so let's concentrate on us, and never mind whom she may or not have been with before - it's not important.

Half-way through (I was a nightclub DJ at the time) she told me i must have been with dozens of girls, and when i advised her that she was the first, she was really surprised! From then on, I ceased worrying about other guys!

[Leapers]

Thanks andy you have really opened my mind a bit, my boyfriend always seems really confident in everything he does and when he is around loads of people and everything except then in the bedroom he becomes quite shy we have talked about it a few times now about the 'complexes' we both have but whereas i try and get rid of mine i think he dwells on them more and more so i thought it would be surely better if we didn't talk about them as they bring them to the front of the mind but he insists on it so i don't know anymore!

[andy-hughes]

Hi Leapers,

the way to overcome your boyfriend's confidence issues is for you to be encouraging.

When he does something you like, make sure you let him know. everyone develops their own communication - some are verbal, some are with body language, what ever works for you. Afterwards, when you have a little chat, you can say "I really enjoyed it when you ..., and my favourite thing is ..." which helps a lot.

We are all lousy communicators, especially where it really matters, so sometimes it does help to spell things out in a nice way, and if you are confident in telling him he pleases you, he will gain confidence in doing the pleasing!

But, you must be honest. Trying to mak ehim 'feel better' if he doesn;t satisfy you will help no-one, so concentrate on playing up his good points, and playing down the bad ones. he will soon get the mesage, and that communication will bring you closer.

[Leapers]

I think i will have to communicate better then with what i enjoy most etc because he always pleases me its just i don't think he believes that i am telling the truth or that he doesnt think he can. I think we will just have to work on it a bit more! Thank you!

[andy-hughes]

You are very welcome.

Even as an aetheist, i always find a few moaned or shouted "Oh my god!!!!"s to be extremely gratifying!!!

[thetruthhurts]

What the hell has experience got to with it? If you're happy with your partner and comfortable with them then experience is unimportant. If you're not happy or comfortable with a person, then, you really shouldn't be having sex with them.

[andy-hughes]

thetruthurts - experience matters because we are human, and experience is what makes us - and our partners - what we are.

Wondering about aspects of a partners' experience in an area where we feel insecure is fundamentally human, and something we all suffer from by degrees.

In an ideal world, experience should be irrelavent, and we should all be able to start from Page One in all apsects of our relationships.

But this is not an ideal world - it's this one, and we have to deal with these issues and and when they affect us.

[thetruthhurts]

andy, I know what you're saying, I'm just answering for me. I don't worry about it.

[andy-hughes]

Cool.

[beryl100able]

Look into her eyes. If she loves you, you'll know. And if you love her and she loves you, and simple love if what your every act is based on, it won't matter if you do fall flat, nothing at all will matter, she'll just want you and no one else. Sex isn't a plumbing job. If you don't love each other, then fine, size and everything else matters and you're most welcome to the probs!

[Leapers]

Hi Beryl, I am the she and i do love him even if occasionally things do not go to plan i might get a little frustrated but i would never let it show to him as i think that is a little harsh and demanding. My question was mainly if all guys get those feelings in my question as my boyfriend mentioned it to me that was what he was feeling sometimes even though we talk about evertything alot of the time. I just want a way to reassure him sometimes!

[andy-hughes]

I think over time, couples get to know each other via signals, or even spoken words - each finds a way to communicate. If he is aproaching orgasm, and you want to continue, try a gentle push on his shoulders, and something like "Mmm, i want this to go on ..." and he'll pick up the message. If you think his control is a little hair-trigger, move him onto another technique, again, asking is fine - we guys love some simple instructions - or show him if that's more comfortable.

When you want him to continue, let him know you like what he is doing - murmer, push against him, say something - as before, you will learn you rown methods, but the golden rule is - communicate!

We men are lousy at it in all circumstances, not just sex, and are appreciative of some help along the way to ensure we are making our ladies happy.