coping with death

[TheOtherHalf]

We`ve just heard of another death in our family. This is the 6th since last December. 2 were very unexpected. Everyone in our family is getting really depressed especially my mum aged 87 and mother in law aged 94 as they both know their time is coming soon. My mum is getting very weepy and says shes fed up with going to funerals and isnt going to this one. I can understand and feel she doesnt have to go if she doesnt want to but my sister thinks she should. Im finding hard myself and wish we didnt have to go. All these funerals have been a fair distance away which always means we have to pay to stay overnight somewhere too but feel Im being selfish as I know if I dont go some of the people there I might never even see again

[brenda]

A really hard situation , but if Mum doesn't want to go , then let her be.Travelling , staying overnight and so on can be taxing at any age ,but even more so if you are elderly.At Mums age a funeral is perhaps even more upsetting than for a younger person , she may be all too aware that her own mortality could end sooner rather than later.She may have some real anxieties about this and a funeral would re-inforce these especially as you have had a number of these to contend with.
Is it possible for you to go , and represent Mum , having arranged for her to be kept an eye on whilst you are away.
Think the wishes of your mum are paramount in this issue , she should not be pressured into doing something she doesn't want to do .Hope things work out for you all.

[rowanwitch]

Horrible when deaths all come together like that, we had a lot over a couple of years a few years back, and it was exhausting It got to the stage where the older relations stopped attending or only went to those people they especially cared about and left it to the next generation, the upside was we all got to know one another a lot better and now keep in touch after years when we would not have recognised each other in the street. I used to take photos of the ceremony and copy them so the older rels could see who was there and if it was 'a good do' as that was important to them, and meant they didn't feel guilty about not attending

[TheOtherHalf]

Thank you for your lovely comments. I think also that my mum should be able to stay home. We always take photos even though some family disapprove. We then have memories of some who are now gone also

[tingly]

i'm so sorry to hear about all the deaths in your family. You must be under enormous pressure, and what a lucky mum and mum in law you have to have someone to care about their feelings the way you do.
Please do not go - you are not being selfish, you are being self less-- you are thinking about the people dear to you. Don't break the hearts of those who are alive,in order to pay tribute to those who have already gone.
Please dont forget yourself in all this, you have a right to your own decisions to, regardless of your sister.
Take Care of yourself.xxxx