ARGH!

[_sophie_]

This guy is honestly doing my head in.
He clearly likes me but I just don't like him back in that way. I'm fine just being friends with him but everytime I talk to him he tries to flirt and keeps asking me to meet him but I don't want to lead him in. He just split up with his girlfriend a couple of weeks ago (so why is he moving on so quickly towards me?) and whenever he tries to flirt and I don't take it he just makes me feel bad and starts talking about how his last relationship ended and how bad he is at relationships and chatting people up. He says his girlfriend left him for a girl so that's why he feels so bad but how can I just keep him as a friend? I feel like he is going to go on and on about his past relationship until I start flirting with him back. I do like him but I don't want to date him and I don't want to fall for the first guy who comes on the market as this is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me. God, now I understand why people moan about guys all the time haha! Just any advice please...!

[karenmac60]

Sophie, just be honest with him. Tell him you really like him as a friend but that is all and he's making you feel uncomfortable by flirting and constantly talking about his ex in the way that he does - like he's fishing for you to compliment him or reassure him that he's attractive. If you fall for his fishing attempts it's only going to give him false hope that you are actually interested. I know it's difficult to broach the subject and you might feel like you're being cruel, but honesty is the only way to go. He may feel he can't continue being your friend, but that's life :) x
ps it's good to see a girl who has enough self worth not to just go along with it cos it's better than being alone! you go girl! ;)

[_sophie_]

Thank you so much! Your right, I should just tell him straight instead of just hinting at it. I'm just not used to all this because it's the first time! Hahah, I feel so young but thankyou :)

[karenmac60]

Now I feel so old! Good luck :) x

[brenda]

Send him round to me I'll sort him out .

[Booldawg]

lol brenda, sounds like thats exactly what he's after!

[rowanwitch]

If his girlfriend left him for another girl he will possibly have extra issues due to that, maybe not feeling he was 'man enough' it will be difficult keepng him as just a friend if he is already developing a dependency on you....be careful

[andy-hughes]

The straight approach is the best - and if your friendship ends because of it, then it was built on sand in the first place.

I sypmpathise with the guy, but my experience with women has taught me one very valuable lession - if a woman wants you to develop a relationship with her - she will let you know. Similarly, if the signs are not there - and in this case they are clearly not! - then simply wishing does not change that.

Guys are very good at seeing something that is not there because they would like it to be - this is clearly the situation here. He needs to be advised what you are, and what you are not, and not going to be - and move on from there.

Good luck.

[_sophie_]

i told him and then he speak to me this morning and is STILL like do you want to do something? and i said no but he just doesn't get it! oh my god WHY ME!

[Old_Geezer]

Why not you ? Are you so appalling ?

From a guy's point of view it is difficult; if he doesn't keep trying for a while then he obviously wasn't that interested. If he does keep trying then he's wrong for not getting the message first time. How to find a balance ?

His big mistake was to develop a strong interest before making a move (for want of a better phrase) and finding out how the ground lies. He obviously has feelings for you, it'll take a while to finally sink in that you are not intending to change your mind and find him suitable relationship material. That'll be a big disappointment to him.

Meanwhile what's the big deal in being politely honest and still remaining a friend ?

[Old_Geezer]

Hinting at it ? Never hint to a guy, they don't do mind-reading, usually. They won't see a hint if it hits them in the face.

[_sophie_]

True
But all that's a shambles now
I was literally just talking to him a few minutes ago and he suddenly gets all weird and is like 'sophie don't talk to me if you don't want to ok? i'm just a depressed bugger' and i said no your not but then he said 'nah im just not going to talk to you for the rest of the summer, im a depressed annoying person and i hate people like that so im going to lay low. bye have a nice summer x' i was like whaaat! your going crazy haha but if thats what you want to do then fine bye and he goes offline
I don't know whats wrong with him but.. it's just so awkward for me when i next see him because we are both in the same class.
Anyway thanks guys i just had to let it out i guess!

[Old_Geezer]

I'd guess a bit of depression, low self image, knows you aren't really interested and has flipped for a moment into the "why would anyone want me I'm so annoying" state of mind. It'll pass. He just needs to get himself on an even keel. Glad you got it off your chest.