Any ideas what I should do? im a bit lost!

[Finance Guy]

If anybody asked me a month ago how my Marriage was, I would say it was solid but could do with a bit of a break from stress. I work too much, trying to overcome some big financial issues that arose after our business collapsed a few months after the onset of the credit crunch, three years ago. I am not a violent man or a cheater, but do openly admit that the stress of it all got to me and became all consuming, leading me to be snappy sometimes and perhaps not as relaxed or nice as I used to be. My wife has always been the rock behind my work, without her constant encouragement and support, there is no way I could have got through it without collapsing into a nervous heap somewhere and praying for it all to end.

Four weeks ago, my wife started two weeks of Jury duty. She was enthusiastic about it as she is a full time Mum and this was a great break for her. For the first few days, all was good and we spoke a lot about it, by phone during the day and together in the evening, she seemed happy. We had a nice weekend, just relaxing and doing the usual sort of stuff, then, without warning, in the second week she became quite quiet and started to get withdrawn. She went to see her best friend for the weekend (pre arranged) and ignored me calls and texts all weekend. When she got back, she told me she was unsure about our relationship and was not happy. She said she wanted a couple of weeks to get back to normal and I suggested (trying to be caring) that maybe a few days apart might help and clear her head a bit. She agreed to this, but then over the next few days packed ALL of her belongings while I was at work and moved out, taking our 3 yr old son with her! For the last couple of days before she went, the mood in the house sank and I was being told how crap I was and that I was not a good person, etc, etc.

continued in thread below...

[Finance Guy]

Boxtops, Its hard to be 'cool' when im panicking like mad about all this, but I know you are right. I've said pretty much all I can say and I know that I am an excellent Dad to our son (Mrs FG agrees with this), I just have not been so great, of late, as a Husband.

Fingers crossed eh!

[boxtops]

FG - you may feel out of control of this situation, but in fact you are, for the time being. If I can offer a friendly hint - keep yourself in good order, look after yourself, keep the house respectable for when your son comes over - that will show your wife that you are being responsible about yourself and not giving up (which is so easy when everything falls apart). Little things like keep getting your hair cut, doing the ironing, maintaining some sense of self-worth. You know what went wrong, and that is a huge part of the steps to recovery, whichever way that may go. Do feel that you can come on here if you want a chat or to bounce something off us - we do understand.

[brenda]

I'm not very good at solving problems-- but I think you realise that you have been a neglectful pr*t . However your diligence to provide is understandable in these economic times.
All I can suggest is that you give your wife time, to think things through -- no pressure , no anger.
Maintain even calm relationships with your son , tell your wife that you love her and let time be the key.
Hope things sort themselves out for you --all the best Brenda.

[Finance Guy]

Boxtops - while there has been a lot of good answers, it is probably somebody like you I was really seeking to hear from - who seems to have lived a similar situation to my wife. Everything you say makes perfect sense, thankyou very much.

I hear you loud and clear and, thankfully, I do look after myself and would not dream of letting Mrs FG, or my Son, see me falling apart at the seams in that way. There is no reason for me to be anything but nice and patient with her and just hope it all turns in the right direction. I understand what she has done and why and change was needed - just not this change (from my perspective at least!)