I want children and my partner's unsure, what should I do?

[sparks_5]

Hi, I have been with my partner for 9 years, I'm 29 and he's 30. We've recently bought a house together and in decent jobs so I am now thinking about starting a family. However he's not keen to have children yet and when I ask him if he actually does want to have children at all he's vague and says 'probably, I don't know' or 'maybe one day'. His cousin had her first child in her forties so he doesn't see the problem in waiting that long despite me pointing out all the health risks. I love him to bits and I don't want to put preassure on him but I need to know if he definitely wants children or whether he's just going to keep putting it off for so long that in the end it'll be too late. I don't want to end up resenting him and I'd like to think that I love him enough to give up the chance of being a mum but to be honest I'm not sure I can. I don't want to give him an ultimatum as it seems unfair but I don't know how else to overcome this

[Beanmistriss]

I'm the same, I just kind of mentioned it now and again but didn't ever say, right we really need to talk about this. Because of that I'm not sure he ever realised that it was ever a really big issue while I felt like he was just avoiding it. When I sat him down and said "we need to talk about this.." I think thats when he actually realised there was a problem atall. If hes not good at talking then maybe hes got some concerns that you can lay to rest if you get them out of him. Just try to stay calm and not make him feel guilty or bad about his feelings. God I sound like Claire Raynor!

[pinkflamingo]

Hi, sparks.

I've just been reading your thread, and I'm really interested to know how things have turned out.. Have you spoken to your partner yet?

I'm a great believer in having kids while you are young. You say your partner's cousin has her first child in her forties. Nothing wrong with that. But maybe you would not want to be sixty when you are sending you child off to university.

Anyway, please post your update and let us know how things are going, and I wish you all the best.

[WendyS]

Please don't take any notice of Claire's very foolish and immature advice. Cheating in this way on somebody with whom you are in a long term relationship is neither clever nor honourable, and there is no guarantee that your man would stand by you if you became pregnant. It is just selfish and you could end up with a child with no long term father. Far better to sort the situation out amicably and if necessary, move on and get another partner who feels the same way as you do about childre.

[rothycat]

Good luck! I'm in this exact same situation myself (only he owns the house we live in, I don't).

[rothycat]

Good luck! I'm in this same situation myself and I'm really unsure of what to do (only he owns the house we live in, I don't).