Are stepdads better than real dads

[champipple]

My children never had a stepdad

[bestmum]

Yes. My real dad was and is a womanising bully who beat my mum up. On the other hand my stepfather is fantastic he never shouted at us unless it was something mum could'nt cope with. He fed clothed and housed us for lots of years when my mum couldnt get any money out of my real dad. I dont call my stepdad dad i have always called him by his name and he is fine with that. He is so special he gave me away when i got married and he adores all of his grandchildren because to them he is and will always be their only grandad!!

[andy-hughes]

I am a dad and stepdad, and i think how you are in either role depends on who you are.

My step-daughters have always called me by my name, my daughter, obviously calls me Dad, but to their four children, I am Grandad.

I have given away two daughters in marriage, and will the third in a couple of years.

I make no distinction between them, and they never have with each other - and i get seriously annoyed with anyone who tries to infer that they are different in any way.

Of course they are - but not in any way that matters at all.

[ummmm]

I hated my step Dad...horrible man. My Dad was a lovely person who made me what I am.

[Snafu03]

Not only does it depend on the behaviour of the stepdad to the stepchild it also depends if the stepchild is willing/ready to accept someone into their life for the role of a father.

I'm a step-dad and a dad even though my step-daughters material needs are catered for she has never accepted me as anything other than her mums boyfriend (now husband)

Its quite sad really as her dad (who she looks to take that role) decided to up sticks and move back up North where he was able to sit on the dole, get a council house and sponge of his family. This happened 5 years ago and he see's his daughter maybe once/twice a year as long as it doesnt cost him money.

But he's Dad. Despite his failings in life, he the one that gets the 'I love you's' and he's the one she rather be living with, even though she knows he can't support himself let only anyone else.

I blame myself for part in this as I've not done enough maybe to build that relationship. The walls were put up from day one and I've not experienced enough or got the skills to get round that - so I gave up. We dont row as such, we dont see eye to eye but she's 15 now and doubt I'll see eye to eye with my daughter when she gets to that age.

I'm very conscious of not trying to give my daughter any more that my step-daughter. That works fine with gifts etc but when it comes to giving emotionally its so natural with my daughter as she wants that from me and gives it back. My step-daughter has never wanted that from me but it must be hard for her to see our loving relationship everyday when its something she wants so badly from her own Dad.

Its a minefield it really is. I know a few step-fathers who go through similar struggles, but then again it works out well for some.

My step-daughter was 9 when I came into their lifes, maybe if she was younger it'd be better today. My wife said that step-daughter Dad often brainwashed her into not acce

[Snafu03]

^ the missing bit!

Not accepting anyone but him into her life long before I came onto the scene

[Snafu03]

When you have polarity like in Redhelens case its easy to make a distinction as theres no comparison.

[mccfluff]

i have both and i'm lucky they are great guy's.