Ill F I L who won't do as he is told.

[HJT40]

My father in law is diabetic, with urinary problems and now problems with his other bodily function.

He wonders why his blood sugar level is high, even though we know he eats chocolate and anything else sweet he can get his hands on. He chooses not to add this as a fact.

They cannot operate on his water works until they get his blood sugar level down, so he wears a cathetar (sp?)

Today they had to do a colonoscopy, he chose not to use his enema before he went and so they could not take a proper look. They give him pill to stop him being constipated, he doesn't take them, they give him pills to stop diorreah, he doesn't take them. He has spent a fortune on incontinence pants.

My poor MIL has Parkinsons, and is doing quite well, but she is becoming exhausted with the running around for him and I am worried for her.

In my position would you speak to his GP about it? Or what would you do?

[HJT40]

and looking at the previous question in this section, he smokes like a trouper. Even after his triple heart bypass.

[ummmm]

Yep...talk to the GP.

But to be frank...he doesn't care. How old is he?

[Sqad]

Let him well alone......he has already wasted time and NHS resources.

"You can take a horse to water, but................"

Other people will be glad to step into his place for medical care.

[sandyRoe]

Maybe somewhere in the back of his mind he's decided that he's had enough. It must be very stressful for him wife. But, as others have said, he is an adult and can live and end his life however he wants to.

[HJT40]

Umm - he is 72. Always been active, but totally blinkered to what anyone tells him.

Redhelen - if only I had the guts to! I think I may have to get my husband to say it. I know he walked away from him to day when his father was explaining why he wouldn't take the tablets he was given.

It does make my blood boil. I am trying to look after my lovely MIL who is shattered from all the washing etc. So 3 loads at home waiting for me. If I could I would pick her up and bring her to live with us!

[murraymints]

back from lunch..and for those of you who were on earlier ...I did not have fish and chips of any kind !!! My dad has diabetes and he neither will behave accordingly and makes jokes about it while devouring jaffa cakes etc.. my mum is at her wits end trying to get it into him that it is no joke and I have lost count of the late night dashes to hospital becausehe has become very ill. I dont know what the answer is as even being warned by docs about the severity of his hypos it is in one ear and out the other

[HJT40]

Thank you all for your answers and letting me say how I feel! Shame I am not brave enough to say it to his face - today.

Redhelen, if I got her I may not take her back, she is so lovely. I think I done well getting a MIL like her - 1 in a million with the patients of a saint!

[ummmm]

HJ....you'd be surprised at what you can say to them. We worry for nothing. I give my Grandad dogs abuse now I know he doesn't take it to heart....I think he loves me more for it :-)

[woofgang]

Talk to the GP,but he/she may not be able to respond, patient confidentiality may mean that he/she will listen to you but can't discuss your Fil with you. He/she may also say that in order to do anything, he/she will have to tell your Fil what you said.
Why don't you ask your Mil what she wants you to do?
Bottom line is they are both adults and you are not the boss of them, sorry i know you are upset and mean well.

[HJT40]

Ummm. my FIL has stopped speaking to people for less and once he gets the hump that is it. But I think something must be said. My poor hubbie wasted a whole days holiday to take him to the hospital today.

Woofgang, I already spoke to his/my gp sometime ago about him eating chocolate, he smiled at me, the biggest smile and said I am glad someone told me!

[HJT40]

Murraymints, if I find the answer I will let you know!

[milly143]

Sadly some people are just like this. My Dad is the most stubborn person (apart from myself) that I have ever known.

He was very unwell last year to the point where it was a struggle to breathe. I asked him nicely to go to the docs, he wouldn't, I told him firmly to go to the docs, I told him I would call an ambulance if he didn't go to the doc (although he knew I wouldn't). Eventually it took for me to break down in tears and tell him I thought he was going to die before he finally went. A daughter can always pull on a fathers heart strings eventually. It seems to have got through to him now thankfully as a few months ago I came down in the morning and he asked me to take him to A&E as there was something wrong with his arm. It turned out he had had a stroke and if it had gone untreated, could have resulted in a much mor serious one.

So my advice, cry until he does what you tell him.

[boxtops]

As others have said, he is a grown man and people do have to take responsibility for their own health. He's no age, he could have years to live if he looks after himself, it's a shame. You can't be responsible and nor can your husband, if your FIL is of sound mind. By all means go see the GP for a chat to convey your side of the story, but he may not be able to discuss it with you, but at least you will have said your bit and asked him to note it.
Unfortunately some people are the authors of their own misfortune - do you think he's afraid, do you think that asking the GP to make a (rare) home visit and talk to him straight might help?

[Hopkirk]

Somebody needs to go into a room with him, shut the door, and read him the riot act in no uncertain terms.

Sod what he thinks, he needs to be told what he is doing to his family.

[joko]

does he just like the attention? like a kind of munchausens...but not by proxy....

i have known numerous people fake fits, illnesses, allergies etc etc just for a bit of drama...just look at gillian mckeith!

it ensures he has to hae people around him all the time checkinn on him...

perhaps in fact he takes just enough pills to manage on...and its all deliberate as opposed to being lax...??