Little girl and our pet cat

[ruthandsam]

Hi

My 4 year old daughter is usually well behaved apart from when she's tired. She attends pre-school at her nursery. She's been with the nursery since she was 1 year of age and now attends both the nursery and pre-school at primary school as well.

We've noticed that since she has started at the primary school her behaviour has been very trying. This is especially when she is with our pet cat. Pulling her ears, chasing her until she runs and hides. Tonight she shut the washing machine door on the cat's tail and is trying to hit her with a belt.

I've tried time out on the silly step. Telling her off. Taking away toys that she loves, etc. Even watching programmes about animals and how we must look after them and praising her for when she is good with the cat. My daughter has numerous scratches on her arms as the cat tries to defend herself but my daughter still doesn't stop the behaviour. I'm at a loss what to do next. Any ideas would be most welcome as it feels like the cat is being terrorized and it is very upsetting.

Many thanks

[rowanwitch]

not sure Doc...I took a lot of physical punishment as a kid... went to school with hand marks on my arm and doglead marks too... made me a stroppy defiant moo

[whiskeryron]

pasafreak // As for 'a slap and no supper'...how is punishing violence with violence going to work? //
I agree up to a point but, (& I know you've heard it all before) when I was growing up & at school punishment was dished out for bad behaviour & it was merited & did me no damage. Look at the state of things now with ASBOs etc being handed out which to my mind is no deterrant at all.WR.

[pastafreak]

We are all reading and judging this from the comfort of our armchairs. Only ruth knows what her daughter is like,the full extent of her behaviour,and how she-the mum-is reacting.
I can say that I too am not of the 'never smack' mindset.....lil pasta certainly felt it when she went ott. But I think I still see smacking as a last resort........and again-only ruth can decide whether that point has come.

[pastafreak]

Ooops...didn't see yours ron.....I agree about the lack of over-all discipline in both school and home. It really needs to be in place in both,as discipline in one,that is not followed up in the other, is just a waste.

[ganesh]

At last I think a few people are agreeing with me.I still can't believe that you're talking about re-homing the poor cat or a child tormenting it until it has to stray from it's own home.I don't believe in the 'professional help' approach either.
I am not suggesting we 'bring back the cane days' but parents nowadays seem unable to discipline or punish their children in case it upsets them. They are not willing to show their authority and a lot of them,in fact,seem unable,to say the word NO to their kids!I think it is this mentality of letting kids get away with everything that is causing all the behavioural problems.There's no doubt they do test us,however,wer'e not even trying to discipline a teenage delinquent here,or a toddler that is difficult to communicate with and hard to punish. This child is 4 and should be disciplined now before the cat ends up IN the washing machine!

[tigwig]

Hi ruth I think you have already received some good advice here, well mostly anyway! I am a qualified nursery nurse and I can only agree with what someone else suggested which was to stick to one form of discipline only and if possible the same kind as what is used at her nursery. I would definitely go in and have a word with the staff they may be able to offer some advice and will tell you how they deal with unwanted behaviour like this. Children need structure and routine so it really would help for you both to be doing the same thing. When she is at home are you spending really good quality time with her? She may just need that extra attention at home for now while she adjusts to her different pre school. It may mean you have to leave the chores and focus on her for a bit which is hard I know. I am not really a big fan of smacking children although not totally against it. I think it is ok occasionally but shouldnt be used all the time. I think if you make sure she knows she has done wrong when she hurts your cat, punish her and make sure she gets no attention whatsoever from bad behaviour but lots of love and attention and praise when she is playing nicely you will have this sorted soon. You could always try a reward chart as well for good behaviour. I wouldnt necessarily give stickers for not hurting the cat as that would be drawing attention to the problem but you could have different sections for being kind, helpful etc. I would make a big fuss of the cat too and show her how the cat enjoys being stroked nicely. I do not think you should rehome the cat either but make sure it has somewhere safe to go away from her while she is like this. Good luck and I hope she improves soon for you.