ChatterBank3 mins ago
Couples who refuse to get married
97 Answers
Why is it there are some couple who refuse point blank to get married? I have nothing against unmarried couples, I just don't understand their reasoning. They live together for years but don't make the commitment to each other by getting married. The usual line is that they don't need a piece of paper to be committed to each other. Why not just do it, especially if they have children? It's not difficult. What is the problem?
It strikes me that the real reason is they are not 100% sure and want to leave the door ajar just in case it all goes wrong and if they are not married it will be easier to escape. The fact that they have had children which most people would think is the ultimate commitment seems not to have any bearing on the matter.
It strikes me that the real reason is they are not 100% sure and want to leave the door ajar just in case it all goes wrong and if they are not married it will be easier to escape. The fact that they have had children which most people would think is the ultimate commitment seems not to have any bearing on the matter.
Answers
The one thing I don't understand is couples who have children together but claim they are 'not ready' to get married. It's as if they are saying having children is less of a commitment then marriage. I think I have old fashioned views on this but I don't understand why you have children with someone who you don't intend on spending the rest of your life with.
13:30 Tue 08th Feb 2011
i had no intention of taking a moral stance, it is everyones choice whether they marry or not, although the financial penalties are very real as others have pointed out on this thread. I wanted to show that it seems to be a generational thing. Religion does not play a large part in our lives now, we attended church, assemblies were held every morning at school with hymns and prayers, and I think the departure from religion has brought about much of what ails us now. Some of the younger members of our family are now 'living over the brush' and having children, and they are happy, for now. It seems so easy for someone to walk away from a partner and children, whereas a marriage has to be dissolved and effects shared out legally, which gives pause for thought.
It makes it more stressful and drawn out perhaps. I'm not sure many people find it "easy" to walk away from their partner and children. Also, more couples who do, offind it easier to reconcile after. Once the divorce process starts, people are much less likely to remarry each other due to the bitterness caused. I think the whole proceedings of divorce pit people (parents?) against each other and so actually makes it harder to be civil. I'm not divorced, never married, but my parents are.
Ask your gran - You are right, marriage does give you pause for thought. Unfortunately, we tend to live in a throw away society these days. Life years ago was more permanent, homes didn't change hands so often, furniture lasted for generations, people stayed in jobs and people were more commited to relationships. No moral issues for me either and I don't come from a religious family. I think I preferred the comfortable feelings that permanent things brought.
Marriage to me still seems to be a very fine institution. I can see the point of it.
No disrespect to people that don't agree.
Marriage to me still seems to be a very fine institution. I can see the point of it.
No disrespect to people that don't agree.
what ridiculous assumptions you make david...
did it ever occur to you that other people ARENT YOU...and they dont think like you, dont have the same beliefs as you...basically are nothing like you...
so why do you assume that everyone should feel exactly as you do about marriage?
i could not care less about marriage...i am not remotely religious and have never in my life dreamed of a meringue dress etc - it is meaningless to me...so why should i be bothered whether i do it or not?
there is no elaborate charde of selfishness or hifing my true feelings or doubt etc ...i just have no interest in it...
we do not all have rose tinted old fashioned view of whats 'right' you know...
and its a sorry reason to get wed if its just to save yourself a few quid in the future.
the only reason this problem with 'life partners' having no rights in law will only change if more people confront and oppose it...
did it ever occur to you that other people ARENT YOU...and they dont think like you, dont have the same beliefs as you...basically are nothing like you...
so why do you assume that everyone should feel exactly as you do about marriage?
i could not care less about marriage...i am not remotely religious and have never in my life dreamed of a meringue dress etc - it is meaningless to me...so why should i be bothered whether i do it or not?
there is no elaborate charde of selfishness or hifing my true feelings or doubt etc ...i just have no interest in it...
we do not all have rose tinted old fashioned view of whats 'right' you know...
and its a sorry reason to get wed if its just to save yourself a few quid in the future.
the only reason this problem with 'life partners' having no rights in law will only change if more people confront and oppose it...
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You say "refuse to get married" as if it's the be all and end all answer to all partnerships.
AFAIC "marriage" is in itself a phoney 'manacling' that indicates insecurity.
*That's* the "problem".
If a couple are happily coupled, they don't need some 'signed/sealed/delivered' bogus ceremony to authenticate it ...IMO.
AFAIC "marriage" is in itself a phoney 'manacling' that indicates insecurity.
*That's* the "problem".
If a couple are happily coupled, they don't need some 'signed/sealed/delivered' bogus ceremony to authenticate it ...IMO.
Eddie-Its funny how is a 'legally recognised union' when it suits the goverment.i.e if trying to claim certain benefits,student grants,etc or an awful lot of things which are based on household income, and then doesn't count when you inherit money re inheritance tax and pensions.The whole ethos is ridiculous and there are a lot of people like me who just don't want to do it.I must say if we split up it would be just as long and painful re mortgages,accounts,posessions,children,pets etc as any 'divorce'and the assumption that we can just walk away (or leave the door ajar) because wer'e not officially married is crazy.
We got married when we felt we wanted to - any amount of pressure from anyone else would have made us more determined NOT to!
My friends who live together unmarried have said that it takes more effort to stay together unmarried then when you have a legal tie. I see their point - staying together unmarried is a choice, if you only see marriage as a tie then you could be resentful (if you were that way inclined!).
My friends who live together unmarried have said that it takes more effort to stay together unmarried then when you have a legal tie. I see their point - staying together unmarried is a choice, if you only see marriage as a tie then you could be resentful (if you were that way inclined!).
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