Have you ever had a foreign body in your orifice....

[Bbbananas]

.. that really shouldn't ever have got in there?
(And no I don't mean a German or an Aborigine).

We have a patient who "fell" on a hoover nozzle. Not to mention gerbils (isn't that were the Pet Shop Boys got their name?)

Less sexual, my son once got a dried pea stuck up his nose and I accidentally got an earwig in my mouth... that was gross.

[Sqad]

Lofty LOL...."too what?"...........p1ssed?

[LoftyLottie]

Ha ha Sorry Squad. Should have said when I was two (2). LOL

[ChuckFickens]

Eh??

A teacup up your nose????

[Bbbananas]

A teacup? Lottie you must have hellishly big nostrils......

[LoftyLottie]

Well, it was a teacup! It belonged to a very miniature tea set which came with a toy called 'The Teddybears Picnic'. And I actually remember that toy. It wouldn't be sold as suitable for two year olds these days!!

[merciasounds]

My dad had a grass seed in his eye years ago - it was there for for a couple of days and started to germinate because of the moisture - you could actually see the little green radicle shoot. An optician friend removed it .

[LoftyLottie]

That is stuff of horror films Mercia!!!

I have just been making a bird seed cake for my feathered friends. Just hope no seeds got stuck in any orifices!!

[Bbbananas]

Mercia - that's bizarre. A bit like when you're young and people tell you not to swallow apple pips or you'll have an apple tree grow inside your stomach. That used to freak me out....

[ChuckFickens]

How about a fir tree in the lungs...

http://www.healthkick...fter-inhaling-a-seed/

[andy-hughes]

Not an 'orifice' story - but pertinent after the grass seed incident -

a friend of mine went to his GP because of pain in his lower back.

It turned out that a hair had fallen from his scalp - standard hair loss, but this one had gone inside his shirt, and lodged itself between his skin and the waistband of his underpants.

From there, the root burrowed under his skin, and continued to grow - he had to have surgery to have several square inches of surface skin and epidermis removed because the hair and spread so far!

Freaky!

[LoftyLottie]

OMG!!

I know a girl who sucked her hair as a child and ended up with a major op to have a giant hairball removed!!

[Sqad]

Andy ....good story.....it was indeed a hair..........but not from his head, it was in his back to start with.......Pilonidal sinus.

[McMouse]

I received most of my erotic education from a lady in Singapore who had perfected muscular control from advanced Kegel exercises. She had the ability to pick up a quite heavy metal ball and make it disappear. Recovery never needed surgical intervention.

[andy-hughes]

Thanks Sqad - I did wonder as I was typing it, how a 'dead' hair would start to grow - your explanation solves that little mystery.

[Sqad]

The story is better than the explanation ;-)

[Dee Sa]

I have a friend who was a theatre nurse they were operating on an old Scouse lady for "womens problems", the surgeon found an empty salt cellar inside her, whenshe came round and they enquired about it she said "I wondered where that bug**r went it disappeared when the Yanks were around during the war" but never battered an eyelid !

[McMouse]

Sounds like your old scouce lady was well seasoned Dee