Friendship??

[hazel999]

Just wanted some advice and people's opinions really.

One of my best friend's who I have known for 12yrs now is starting to really irritate me lately and I don't know how to discuss this with her as she's very emotional and when I have bought it up I find myself appolgising.

I organise a girly night every month with my other close friend and always make sure she is invited but yet I'm never invited to anything else she does.
I don't know any of her friends and she's always going out drinking, meals, cinema and I'm never asked along.
One of my other friends has just had a baby and my ''best friend'' text me yesterday and said she had arranged to go over there for the afternoon (today), now she has only met her twice over a period of about 2 yrs, both times are through me.
I feel like she is trying to issolate me, how do I tell her this without jeapordising our friendship???

[rowanwitch]

What friendship?

All a bit one sided to me.... I'd try easing back a bit it might make her appreciate you a bit more if not doesn't sound like any great loss if you have other real friends

[smart1]

Why bother? What are you gaining from this 'friendship' to make it worthwhile continuing?

[tiggerblue10]

Don't invite her to your girly nights anymore.

[hazel999]

I'm feeling like I shoudn't bother anymore tbh.
Last month I tried to organise a night out without her and my bf slipped up when she popped in for a cup of tea and she threw her toys out the pram for not being invited and we ended up inviting her.
I feel like her fallback friend, for when he has nothing else to do but don't know how to tell her this in the nicest way, I don't want to have a huge row but can't let it continue.

[smart1]

No need for a row - next time you are together just say that you think your friendship has gone as far as it can. If she asks why, say it doesn't make you happy. If she gets a strop on, just walk away.

[hazel999]

I don't feel I'm gaining anything.
I tried telling my 'best friend' how I felt about her contacting my friend and she couldn't see the problem. I have only met up with my friend once since she has had the little one and haven't been to her new house. I don't want it to sound immature and be a case of she's my friend not your's,
My friend with the new baby rang me last night to see if I could come today and said she felt awkward that my 'best friend' had contacted her without me, but didn't know how to say no to her.

[milly143]

Just stop inviting her to do things. Make your own plans.

I think for some reason babies attract friends. When a woman gets pregnant suddenly everyone wants to be their best friend. It's odd. But she'll get bored soon.

[smart1]

You sound quite intimidated by this 'friend'. Time to be assertive, and leave her no 'wiggle room'. It's a bit like ripping a plaster off - unpleasant, but when it's done, it is done. Good luck.

[hazel999]

@ pixi : I think the reason I'm having the problem with her contacting my friend is because a) there not friends, have briefly met whilst in my company and b) because she doesn't incude me in her social life.
I think my friend with the baby was under the impression I was coming along today so she agreed to have her round.

Yep, I will rip the plaster off later :o)

[hazel999]

Thank you, I hope so to...I'm not very social either but a invite just to be thought of wouldn't go a miss ;o)

[Canary42]

Dump her

[LDC134]

Hi hazel, I had a similar situation with a close friend who moved to the area I live and then started to (it felt) take over my friends, popping in on them with out me and starting exercise classes etc without me. I had a really hard time dealing with it, and it's still not fully resolved, but it felt to me like she had to 'better' me - and do something first, so (for example) with your friend, she would need to see the house / baby before you so she could tell you all about it, and you'd be on a back foot. Good luck with whatever you do.

[whiskeryron]

It's possibly too late now for this advice but i'll give it anyway. Go to see the friend with the new baby & show surprise that the other one is there & say something like what a surprise to see you here I was going to ring you & suggest we both go to see the new arrival but you obviously beat me to it & laugh out loud.Ron.

[shabill]

hi hazel999
don't you think if your friend really was a good friend she would be able to sit down and chat with you about things that are concerning you?

[supersuezy24]

This sounds just like a situation I am in also with a friend I have known since I was 12.
The friendship is completely one sided, i am the one who always organises to meet up and stuff, and even then she never has the time due to work and her boyfriend and lack of money..which is complete bullsh!t as she posts up pics on facebook from recent nights out with her other friends and boyfriend. I decided to just leave things up to her, I am not bothering making an effort with someone who doesn't have the maturity to just be honest with me and tell me she doesn't wanna be magtes with me.

Maybe you should just say it to her straight out if you want to sort things out in regards your friendship..She might be like my friend and wants to cut ties, if so her loss xxx