ChatterBank19 mins ago
WHAT DO TO
8 Answers
My ex partner of 18 years got involved with a work collegue after I told him to leave our home after our relationship problems( the lady was not an issue then) After a few weeks I found out he was seeing this work friend and confronted him, he said it was more platonic and as she was a widow she was fragile and vulnerable and it even though he did not want to be with her, it had escalated out of control and she had read too much into the relationship, but it was not as simple as ending it as his work friends and her family were so overjoyed she had met someone after losing her husband, that he felt too bad to end it straight away as he would have to see her at work. I believe my ex partner 100% that he as got into a situation that is hard to get out of and I have been really suffering as I still worry about him being out there all alone. We have a teenage son and a home and he now says he can never forgive himself for what he has done (but stresses he did nothing whilst with me only when he left) We have since met a few times and discussed about our relationship was not right, and we had been having problems for the past two years. I have asked him to tell me to move on if he wants to start a new life with this woman and he tells me the easiest option would be to move back home but he says maybe time apart will do our relationship good. He insists he is not going to say with this woman he just needs time to sort that side out. My head is telling me to move on but my heart wants to have the family unit back and try to save 18 years, he as said he does not want to give me false hope and let me astray but he says he as a conscience and he thinks about me everyday. Not sure what to do. I turn 40 soon and he as asked to take me out for a meal and my head is wondering am I fixing myself up for a huge fall. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
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After the success of my last personal problem answer:
First though, even if his explanation is true, he let it get to the stage where it was a problem, I don't think he has much of a case in keeping the relationship at a stage here "she has read too much into it" and "her family are overjoyed she has met him" going any longer than necessary. I'd have thought a frank talk would not take too long. Whenever it ended, the fact that he'd have to see her at work isn't going to change is it ?
I suspect you are a little more trusting than you could be in the circumstances you describe, what with the reluctance to do something about it, but who knows, maybe your relationship is the exception.
Indeed being apart may help clarify things. But I'm more suspicious that the suggestion it is being used to put off having to do anything. I'd suggest putting a time limit on it. Or getting an understanding that a split is only going to help once he has sorted this other relationship.
If I am honest the situation does not sound good, and maybe heading for a clear break, but in any case it is presently his responsibility to move things on, and if he doesn't, then take the lead yourself and move on.
First though, even if his explanation is true, he let it get to the stage where it was a problem, I don't think he has much of a case in keeping the relationship at a stage here "she has read too much into it" and "her family are overjoyed she has met him" going any longer than necessary. I'd have thought a frank talk would not take too long. Whenever it ended, the fact that he'd have to see her at work isn't going to change is it ?
I suspect you are a little more trusting than you could be in the circumstances you describe, what with the reluctance to do something about it, but who knows, maybe your relationship is the exception.
Indeed being apart may help clarify things. But I'm more suspicious that the suggestion it is being used to put off having to do anything. I'd suggest putting a time limit on it. Or getting an understanding that a split is only going to help once he has sorted this other relationship.
If I am honest the situation does not sound good, and maybe heading for a clear break, but in any case it is presently his responsibility to move things on, and if he doesn't, then take the lead yourself and move on.
i think you need to move on, he's made his bed now he needs to lie in it, the fact is that he's still living with her, still sleeping with her and still going on with the pretence to all their family and friends that they are a happy couple. To use the '' i cant leave her'' excuse is guttless, if he really wants to be with you and your son he would be. Sorry to sound harsh, but ive been there and wore the t-shirt.
if it was me .... I would find out a bit more about this "vulnerable widow", you only have his word for it that she is too "fragile" to be told the truth, looks like he is keeping all his options open at the moment. Enjoy your 40th birthday meal you deserve that and another time after that suggest you meet this lady with him there maybe for a drink or something you will soon suss out whats going on, then you can decide whether to walk away or not, but you decide not him.Good luck.
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