What do i do?

[lourules]

Ive been with my partner for 5 years and for the past few months ive felt unhappy. I love him and want to spend my life with him but he shows no enthusiasum - never makes suggestions, always looks miserable, not really bothered about much, comes home from work late and does what he wants. He tells me he loves me - hes got a good life a nice job, lives virtually rent free with me and my mum and has money, a car etc. so no reason to be down? Im nice to him, treat him to things, plan weeks away, cook and show him affection.

Now we had words and he hasnt come home for 2 days - ive threatened to pack his bags because of this because he wont come home like a man and talk things through ( hes 28 )

I want to be with him but he has to change! i cant live with someone who doesnt want to do anything, get happy at planning weeks away or spending time together. Its like hes stuck in a rut!

Do i kick our 5 year relationship to the kurb or carry on trying to make it work? HELP!

[ummmm]

Maybe he feels he's under too much pressure.

[lourules]

well i havent texted him or made him feel like that so i dont see why? He ought to be a man and sort his self out and his relationship out because leaving it like this will end in tears

[ummmm]

I don't mean by you. Maybe he feels under pressure with the amount he's trying to fit in. He's got two jobs, you, family and friends...and he's trying to fit them all in. Just not enough hours in the day.

[lourules]

just wanted to update you - he wanted to pick up some clothes for tomorrow night hes going out drinking so it pushed me over the edge and ive packed the lot. ive told him its all in bags neatly in the kitchen and that ill be at work tomorrow when he collects. he hasnt texted back so i think its over

[boxtops]

Lou, it's sad for you but it sounds like a good thing. He's treating your place like a hotel whilst just being one of the lads. I'm sure you can do better than this, if you have a separation go out and do new things, things you want to do. Some people just don't change, so you could well be wasting your time hoping he will.

[lourules]

i think you are totally right - i cant believe he hasnt come home for 3 days and then has the cheek to want to ONLY pick clothes up for a night out! Disgusting

[DosAmigos]

I agree with old geezer. I think he's depressed. Try and get him to talk to someone neutral. The weed don't help, just exaggerates.

[Purple_Popple]

Men behave 'odd' and out of character when they are stressed/depressed and tend to 'retreat' away from those they love/care for....there is not much you can do right now other than be there for him when he is ready to come back to you....perhaps he doesnt want to bother you with what's on his mind, but seems like you have already decided its over....i hope this situation turns around for the better...so sad when people break up.

[jno]

I don't know what's up with him, but something clearly is. At any rate, you love the man he was, not the man he is now. Your call whether to wait it out or quit and start over; but since his response to the problem is to stick with the friends and the weed and the drink, but not with you, I can only say I think you've made the right decision.

[puddle-duck]

It sounds like his hearts not really in it. That's not necessarily a reflection on you or the relationship, it could be as others have pointed out that he's depressed and is struggling to find some sort of balance with you, work, friends etc.

You've made your feelings clear to him, if he cares anything for you or the relationship then he'll want to sort things out. If he doesn't then you know where you stand & it's time to move on. It's a cruel way to find out the truth , believe me I've been there but it's better to know, than to waste any more of your time & love on a relationship that's not going anywhere.
Hope it all goes well for you Lou.

[lourules]

Hes left. He texted me saying it was over but that he was in pieces and it was killing him - i want him back so bad because i love him and want to make things right and work things out - he said to stop ringing him because hes so hurt - i spoke to his parents and they said to just give him time - that he will soon realise what he has lost - ???

Today i found out he went to Alton Towers after a night number 2 out with mates - is he doing this do you think to try and keep his mind ticking over or surely he hasnt moved on in 4 days :S im so hurt - he hasnt texted me at all today - everyone keeps saying to leave it and see if he comes back? He said to my mum through tears he loves me to bits - to me if someone loves you to bits they would want to make it work?

[ummmm]

Sorry Lou but it does sound as if he's trying to soften the blow.

[Mcvj]

How are you Lou?