Trust Issues

[8myusername8]

Do any of you have bad bad trust issues? I seem to be losing control of my life. Im destroying every relationship I have ever had because I am so untrusting. Of every guy I have ever dated, even when I was a younger girl. They all start the same and end the same because I have issues. Them going out to hotspot places like Newcastle or Manchester is a complete drama with me. Me and my OH fight constantly. Hes not the best looking guy in the world, but I love him & I mk his life hell. Other day he announced hes booked a lads holiday away & had it booked since January for Ibiza. I got that upset I was sick. havent slept in two days. Rarely eating well either. Im lost. I dont know what to do. It hurts so bad. I know I am wrong. I know you need trust & he should be able to live his life but I cant seem to change(have been to docs over this). Last time he went away abroad with the lads I made myself v ill. Lost so much weight, hardly ate & he knew how bad id be so he turned his phone off the whole time he was away as he didnt want hassel from me. Im ruining my life :(

[8myusername8]

p.s I have also ended it with him over this holiday...its that bad

[roxie_09]

To be honest i'm probably not the best to give any advice as i know i am exactly the same. i always have peope telling me ive got to trust people etc, but i never seem able to. what sort of things did the doc try and do to help?? My best friends mother is a hypnotherapist and apparently this works really well, but you need to want to change (if that makes sense) xx

[ummmm]

Do you have any idea why you're like this? Has someone cheated on you in the past?

How old are you?

[boxtops]

Have you been let down very badly in the past? It sounds to me (and I'm no expert) as if your problem is low self-esteem, that if your chap is away from you for a minute he will be up to no good. You need to get to the bottom of this, otherwise all your relationships will be destructive - why do you mistrust everyone so much? Do you have faith in yourself?

[8myusername8]

I dont have any conidence & I dont know how to even get it. I do have a low self esteem. I have been let down soo many times, but I cant help think my ways have caused ex's to cheat. One ex was just a serial player and i fell into that one. Some guys have been nice & I even didnt trust my ex (who was a hermit). I check phones, If a hot girl goes past I'll check to see if he looks I am so bad. :( I love him though. A lot and I know I want to spend my life with him but I cant see any future if I am this way. Loads of girls can do it, why cant I? why cant I be normal? He even said, If a guy wants to cheat, no matter how hard you try control him, he'll cheat and says im dumping him for no reason cause he wouldnt cheat. I feel when he is away, full of drnk, with hot girls around him...he'll cheat. It makes me feel so so sick. How can I ever settle with a guy when at any oppertunity (stag do's, friends stag do's I become a monster). I am 25 years old. Old enough to know better.

[AlBags]

First step is recognising a problem .... OK so far.
Second is getting help with it .. I bet your doc would help to start with.

[joeluke]

Your paranoia will have a negative effect on your relationships and will scare men away

Blokes go on nights out/holidays without their women - deal with it

[boxtops]

You sound as if you are very dependent on having a man about you - if I were you, and this split is permanent, I would spend a bit of time on your own or with your girlfriends, just having fun and finding out who YOU are and what is important to you. Life is not all about being half of a couple (although that's a bonus), it's about liking yourself and setting your own values and standards. You're going to keep frightening people away if you are so possessive. You're an adult, he's an adult, each of you is entitled to your own space, you can't chain people to you just in case they stray.

[roxie_09]

haha, this sounds like im reading an autobiography (haha meant as irony on my part not as abuse :) ) maybe your doctor could refer you to some counselling?? they would be able to try and help get to the core reason to what makes you feel like this. and help you find ways of distracting yourself. I've tried to things by myself, for example really fighting the urge to check if he's eyeing someone up, as soon as the moment passes and the girl has gone, i feel so much better at not checking. if i had checked and i had caught him looking (sometimes just imagining that i caught him) that would have played on my mind and a big argument would have taken place. XX

[ummmm]

You're going to have find some way of changing your thought process. You're also going to have to change your attitude towards yourself.

It's a known saying...something like 'you can't love until you love yourself'

When you can look in the mirror and love, or at least like, the person looking back at you....you can then start to see what people love about you. It's like you're expecting the worse because you're not worthy.

The fact is...you are worthy....start acting like you are worthy....and you'll start to feel it.

[ummmm]

Roxie_09 - everyone looks. It doesn't mean they are leering...just looking.

[roxie_09]

Yeah i know that deep down, and im sure *myusername8 does too. like someone had pointed out earlier it is changing the though pattern. :) xx

[8myusername8]

i hate it if he looks at girls. I feel if i have insecurities he shouldnt be so careless to check out women beside me.

[roxie_09]

have a chat with your doctor again, and see if he can refer you to someone that can help properly. because if your anything like me, it doesnt matter how many people tell you that just because they're looking doesn't mean they are eyeing them up, and that you NEED to learn to trust, doesnt matter how many times you are told and advised its still wont go in and nothing changes. its only when you properly sit down, think through what has happened and properly make an action plan etc. I hope things work out for you :) and good luck xx

[Nay35]

At the end of the day you have to trust them. If there is no trust there is no relationship. I was like you with my ex and he ran off with someone else. He probably thought "she thinks Im gonna cheat so I might aswell do it". Its hard I know (been there) but you have to learn to trust em and if they cheat then you were better off without them in the 1st place and move onto the next.

[Dee Sa]

I know this sounds cruel but perhaps he booked this holiday without you to get away from you and your paranoia ?and you probably would have ruined his holiday if he had left his phone on.You know what your problem is and thats very brave of you to admit it, but now comes the hard part - you have to deal with it.