Having a wobble...

[CAJ1]

I split up with my ex at the start of August after more than 4 years together. A few days ago was a year until we were due to get married and today is a year since we got engaged. Although I know splitting up was the right thing to do and I know it wouldn't have worked in the long run, I can't help but feel a little bit sad that things didn't work out and I feel guilty for splitting up with him :(

I think I' feeling rubbish just because of the dates and because he emailed me to say he missed me so much. I'm sure in a few days I'll be ok again but please in the meantime...someone cheer me up/give me a kick up the backside!

[Scarlett]

You know you'll be okay, and you know this was the right thing to do. Relationships are SO harsh. You invest so much of your time and energy and love into one person and then all of a sudden the relationship is terminated, and even if you fell out of love, it is still a big deal, a shock and you will probably need to grieve to get over it. August is very recent. In time, you know you'll be fine and move on but for now, it is still weird. He will have been your best friend for some years, and now 'the rules' say that you cannot be in contact anymore. See it as a really positive change though; you knew it wasn't working, it wasn't meant to be- so now you can move on with your life and really plough forward with it. Make sure you see lots of your friends and talk about how you're feeling- grief is grief, the end of a relationship needs counselling as much as the death of a friend. Surround yourself with your pals and do lots of fun things- seize the day! :)

[Mcvj]

I held on to dates for a while after my ex and I split up. The date that we met, our anniversary, the date he cheated on me, the date I found out about the betrayal etc.

You must remember that your decision was right for you at the time and everything else is just a by-product of that important decision (which I'm sure you didn't make lightly). In time you will forget the dates; or stop anticipating their arrival. Thats not to say that you will forget him, but these anniversaries won't seem as important in the long run.

Big hugs to you - do something to concentrate on yourself this evening xxx

[didoatwork]

<<<HUGS>>>

[craft1948]

If I'd stayed with the first Mr Craft today would have been our 42nd wedding anniversary...................but luckily it isn't!!

[andy-hughes]

Dates form an important part of our social fabric, and they come into place when relationships start and plans are made.

When a relationship fails, it would be lovely if we could erase those dates from our minds, but we can't - they are wired in.

The good news is, each 'aniversary' hurts less than the last one, so hang on to that thought.

If you know you did the right thing, ignore the e-mail - he probably feels the same way, but sad nostalgia is not the basis for a re-try, however tempting it may feel when you are low like today.

Tomorrow is another day, so focus on doing something that you like as a treat - and look forweard to it.

The first 'aniversaries' are the worst - they get better - promise!

[CAJ1]

Thanks everyone, sensible advice and you're right, today does seem a little bit better again!

Getting over a break up is so hard and I hate being so miserable, I've not really felt myself since it happened and have not been motivated to do anything. I've had a lot of other crap going on too which hasn't helped. But this week I am making an effort to start eating healthily and I also just brought a new pair of running shoes and an ipod to go out and get some exercise. I've applied for a few new jobs because I hate the one I'm currently in.

I know I'll be ok and come out the other side but until I'm there I really appreciate the AB support xxx

PS: Thanks for making me chuckle Craft! x

[albaqwerty]

{{{{{{hugs}}}}} and a x

You know where we are when you need us to shout at, scream or cry xx

[CAJ1]

((((Hugs)))) and a x back alba :)

I do know where you all are, thats what I love about AB there's always someone about! xx