Is it acceptable for a ten year old to be sharing parents bed?

[icemaiden]

Just had a work colleague tell me that her Son got into her bed last night because he couldn't get to sleep. Apparently he does it alot!

I have an 11 year old daughter and she has only ever slept with me, and only me, twice in her life. Both times because she was ill.

Is it just me that finds this a little disturbing?

[rockyracoon]

Why less helpful O-G, sometimes kids just need a little bit of TLC and spoiling, it's not at all detrimental to their health, if somethings worrying them then a good night sleep usually helps put things into perspective and the child obviously feels the good night sleep will be had in their parents bed. With the way children are forced to grow up so fast these days I'm glad for the little respite now and then.

[icemaiden]

I think it boils down to me never doing it with my parents when I was young. I never ran to my parents if I just woke up.

My daughter and I have lots of cuddles , she has never felt the urge to come in my bed just because she woke up. If she was worried about anything then she knows I will listen to her, even in the middle of the night, but she still wouldn't expect to stay in my bed, she would much prefer me to sit on her bed and talk.

I know that my work colleague has had him in the bed since he was very young but I guess I thought he may grow out of it by now.

I guess I'm with old_geezer.

[Ankou]

i don't see anything wrong with it, its your problem not theirs.

[rockyracoon]

It's horses for courses really, some parents do it some don't, mine usually get in the bed when they are not well which suits me as one of us is there to keep an eye on them., the other of us usually disappears into the vacant child's bed.

[Old_Geezer]

Less helpful because allowing this retreat to the parents' bed hasn't tackled any underlying problem. And has reinforced the dependence on such a retreat to ignore any possible issue, when the child is supposed to be a, "big boy, or girl, now".

[Ankou]

can't we let children be children ?

[sophie_1003]

Exactly Ankou, many people say that children grow up to quick but a child who is still childish is also moaned about. The boy in question got into bed with his mum, that's all, if he was still breast feeding I would think that a bit strange but having a cuddle not so.

[sophie_1003]

too*

[rockyracoon]

O-G, no issue is ignored in our house, quite the reverse actually, the getting in bed is just comfort, nothing more nothing less, the underlying problem would still be addressed and dealt with, although my kids usually get in the bed because they are ill. Kids don't feel the pressure to be all grown up in front of their parents fortunately, so I still get the babyhood (for want of a better word) for a bit longer. As has been said, is doesn't work for everyone and no one is forced to do it if it makes them feel uncomfortable.

[LoftyLottie]

"Big Boys do Cry" Nothing wrong with children crying to their parents or wanting their support. That's what parents should do naturally. It doesn't stop kids growing up being able to face the world by themselves. Quite the reverse in fact. It can make children grow up into more confident adults.

What is so sacrosanct about a parent's bed anyway?

[gerrywoods39]

He can lie in your bed but I would say you should encourage him to go to his own bed and sleep. He needs your love but you can send him to his own bed when he is about to sleep.

[puddle-duck]

No I don't see anything wrong with this. My little boy who is 8 sleeps in my bed with me. He has learning difficulties & is immature for his age. With him it's a comfort thing. It's just me & him in the household although his older sister does come home to stay from April to October when she's not at uni so she uses the room. The funny thing is he did say to me the other day that he wanted to start sleeping in his own bed when his sister goes back to uni.

[karenmac60]

Every night till my daughter was 10, I'd tuck her up in her own bed and then later when I went to mine, I'd find her sound asleep in it. She just preferred to sleep in my bed, and I didn't have a problem with it. When I remarried, she stopped. It was never an issue, she was not a worried, bullied or insecure child. It was just the 2 of us and she just wanted to spend more time with her mum, even if she was asleep. I miss it now sometimes - she was like a wee hot water bottle :)

[sherrardk]

Thing 1 and thing 2 are always in our bed when we wake up (never wake us up getting in though). All of our children would sleep in our bed until their younger sibling(s) arrived. Don't know how I am going to get them to stop as the others just did it by themselves when the new baby(or babies) arrived. (Yes, I know that this sounds like something from the Waltons.)

[welshlibranr]

can't see a problem with this, ne needed comfort from his parents, and he got it!............he'll get older and more confident, and then won't need this comfort!...........

[scraggy55]

I think it is you that has the problem, my Son who is 23 used to regularly get into my bed occasionally. Kids of that age boy or girl are children! It concerns me that you find it so strange! Loosen up, I can assure you there is absolutely nothing 'weird' about that.

[mrs.chappie]

It gets the thumbs up from me.