Been arguing for a few days

[rozia]

now, really feel low, today it was bad, he just said leave, or im leaving!! i feel its my fault, im down, hate myself, put on nearly 3 stone in weight (was 9st and now 11st5) cant lose it, too tired all the time to exercise and cant control my eating, he on the other hand, is a fitness healthy eating freak, looks good for his age, but always puts me down for being fat. I don't want to leave him, it would get too complicated, we have 2 children, who think the world of him, i couldn't do that to them. Im really unhappy, with my life, and my looks - i am tanned skinned, and he is pale, we argued today, and he goes to me 'go wash your face' i find that really insulting, especially when we are the same race, and i had this bullying at school as a kid.......hate it, i always wear makeup and do my hair nice, people compliment me on how well groomed i look, its just my weight thats gone up.

[NOX]

Rozia, no-one has the right to make you feel like that- least of all the person you have chosen as your partner. I know that you think staying together because you have children is the right thing, but if it is making you this unhappy and they are seeing you upset and degraded in the way you have just described then it would be seriously better for them to have two parents who lived apart but who were pleasant to each other when they did meet. I'm not surprised you feel too low and tired given the circumstances. My advice is to stay put but tell him of he wishes to leave he knows where the door is because you are pretty sick of his appalling behaviour. You only have one life, don't waste it on soemone patently unworthy of you.

[steve_mcewan]

If your unhappy then your children are unhappy. You say you don't want to leave him because it would be "too complicated", but is it not better to risk that and be happier than to go on hating yourself.

I personally would not tolerate any mental abuse from my partner. You need to let him know that you are are very unhappy about the way he treats you and it has to end.

Why allow yourself to a live a life which makes you so unhappy?

[beso]

You need to have been working as a team. Your weight is an issue for both of you but instead of working togther you have let it become a source of conflict. You should have already engaged in counselling.

However a lot of damage has been done and your man has stooped very low indeed. It is like he is trying to destroy you. I think he is very immature and probably somewhat conceited.

I agree with NOX. Let him leave if that is what he wants. You shouldn't cater to his refusal to accept responsibility for the separation. But make it clear that you want the issues sorted. You need to see a counseller ASAP if you have any hope of saving your marriage.

[gossipgirl]

agree with the above postsd rozia, no man should ever put you down like that, if anything he should be doing all he can to boost your confidence. Let this pig of a man leave if thats what he wants, you deserve better.

[mrsweasley]

I have been in similar position,in dating situation-being belittled all the time-it can turn to violence. Ok, you have kids, i didn't, but you should listen to answers above.Also, one more thing to think about-PLEASE-if either of your kids are boys, and thry have witnessed his comments,they WILL copy him in future-don't let this happen. Good luck