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Can't accept end of relationship
84 Answers
I posted on here a few months ago about the stress and anxiety of my seeing a married man who I stood by despite being let down by him several times.
I told him today that because I'm not a real girlfriend, and because he treats me only as just a friend, I'm happy to be just that - friends, with none of the thwarted expectations that a romantic element has given me (i.e. no getting together, no gifts, no time - just lots of phone calls mainly about him and his woes).
He refuses to accept a friends status and would rather cut all contact, as he said he couldn't bear to hear I'd met another man.
I have tried so many times to end this that this must look to him as just another red herring, but I finally realise I will never, ever, get what I want from him.
I want to end things nicely but he ignores my calls and texts. Is it possible to simply walk away with everything unresolved? I am desperate for him to admit part-responsibility for this mess, but he is wanting to leave it with him as the messed-about victim.
Advice please?
I told him today that because I'm not a real girlfriend, and because he treats me only as just a friend, I'm happy to be just that - friends, with none of the thwarted expectations that a romantic element has given me (i.e. no getting together, no gifts, no time - just lots of phone calls mainly about him and his woes).
He refuses to accept a friends status and would rather cut all contact, as he said he couldn't bear to hear I'd met another man.
I have tried so many times to end this that this must look to him as just another red herring, but I finally realise I will never, ever, get what I want from him.
I want to end things nicely but he ignores my calls and texts. Is it possible to simply walk away with everything unresolved? I am desperate for him to admit part-responsibility for this mess, but he is wanting to leave it with him as the messed-about victim.
Advice please?
Answers
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It's hard isn't it? Like a scabbed over wound that itches and makes you scratch it open again, even though it bleeds and hurts.
Leave it long enough, and scar tissue forms - a reminder, but not accessible any more - and hopefully you are near to that stage.
This man has been nothing but pain, grief and expense for you - time to put him away - for good.
Leave it long enough, and scar tissue forms - a reminder, but not accessible any more - and hopefully you are near to that stage.
This man has been nothing but pain, grief and expense for you - time to put him away - for good.
Maybe I'M the one with the problem, scratching away trying to get the answers I want from him, the explanations, the reasons. But I'm going to have to accept that I will never hear what I want to hear, I will never get what I feel is the truth. Thanks Andy, and everyone else. I will keep you posted.
Sallyann, it is brave of you to put the post on about what has happened recently. You are never going to get what you want to hear from his lips and need to realise that. You have to find someone else and to get out with friends to keep your mind of him. He does not deserve you and to continue to involve yourself in his messy homelife only keeps you from finally getting over the years you have wasted on this cheating married man.
I do have a busy life, with job and friends and interests. My failing was in integrating him into that as well - always letting him know where I was, who I was with, what I was doing, and in doing so it 'normalised' the situation and he almost became part of it. But enough analysis! Action, not words! Thanks Grasscarp, will update you soon and am so grateful for your continued empathy.
