is this the end?

[suagrtits]

well, i popped the question to my partner as its a leap year,and he turned me down. We've been together for 6 years and i figured well he hasn't asked me so i will ask him, . Infact he was really annoyed that i asked him as he feels that it was ''his'' job and im left feeling hurt,embarrased and thinking is this the end of us. Ive always told him that i wanted marriage and kids and though he felt the same, apparently not. We argued and i left to go stay with my parents for a bit to sort my head out. Im thinking what is the point of us at all? ok we have a lovely home, drive nice cars and are doing ok for ourselves but this is not how i planned things to turn out, i said to him that i dont feel hes committed to me but he feels that buying a house together is the biggest committal of all besides having kids. Weve talked about trying for a baby soon and i honestly though that marriage would definalty be on the cards but theres no way im going to go ahead with this now. I feel like hes ripped my heart out and tore my dreams apart. Can i really leave him because of this, am i being selfish?

[LoftyLottie]

Nice post from Tinkerbell, who is probably right.

[murraymints]

how's your wedding plans going Rowan ?

[joeluke]

If he truly loved you and wanted to spend the rest of his life with you he'd want to marry you

[tinkerbell23]

Awe thank u lottie!x

[rowanwitch]

Not the right thread...

[Kristal53]

'Just a peice of paper and not important' - read: no thanks want to keep my options open just in case...dump the loser and find someone who wants to commit to a relationship.

[Prudie]

Although I personally believe in marriage, especially if children are part of the picture, I totally disagree that just because he doesn't want to get married means he's not committed or doesn't love you. I've met many men who feel strongly against the actual marriage bit, often based on watching parents divorce or having been divorced already themselves. They still feel just as deeply about their partners.
You need to determine if he's committed to you and just anti-marriage or has he implied he doesn't see your relationship as permanent?

[China Doll]

I agree with the sentiments around marriage, I would like to get married one day as to me it's a contract of love. I want no massive ceremony, no guests and preferably abroad. For me it would be a day about two people and how they feel about each other and I've no interest in anyone else being a part of it. That said, if my partner really did not want to get married and we had a good relationship and life together then I would have to seriously think about how much the marriage part meant to me; there's no point in putting so much importance on marriage if ultimatley the person you want to spend your life with is dead against it. I would be very disappointed though.

[suagrtits]

thanks for all your replies, much appreciated.

[quincydavis]

give him the elbow and keep him away from those sweet tits

[Kristal53]

he just wants to keep his options open without any ' tricky' divorce should things go wrong - he's probably thinking or the financial implications too - are you 're sure he's not playing away anyway? Men who don't want to commit to a relationship ALWAYS have a plan b

[cathfromsaron]

it may be a case of 'why buy the cow if you get the milk for free'! (ie. he may perceive you as a wife already!)

explain how important it is but you can't force his hand!

cath x

[Old_Geezer]

I find it difficult to believe a lot of what I've read on this thread. Folk coming up with weird and totally unjustified explanations of what is in another person's mind. Wouldn't matter so much if they weren't so outlandish, and dangerous to suagrtits relationship. I appreciate everyone has different opinions, but some of this looks like deliberate troublemaking to me. Sometimes it's not useful to canvas opinion it seems, best talk things over with your partner, communicate, listen, understand, and try to move things forward.

[lcg]

you obviously want marriage house babies (not necessarily in that order!) but his reaction is surprising. you can do it in a registry office or a castle, depending on your wants and needs, but it's more than a piece of paper. if you feel that strongly, give him the ultimatum. he says he feels hurt...but what does he think he's done to you? imho, he's got a lot of explaining to do and a lot of grovelling. he sounds a bit of a macho pig to be honest and he certainly needs to let you know what his plans are....and you need to decide whether yours are compatible. if not....you're worth more than that. x