Please help

[ataloss]

Hi, could someone please help me? I fell pregnant within weeks of a new relationship but we split up when i was about 3 months because i found out he liked his drink to much and i found him aggressive and didnt like his attitude towards my other kids (my kids never took to him because of this). Anyway when we split up suddenly people were coming up to me and warning me about him about his violence and agression, i know of at least 1 charge he has for violence towards a woman. Ive been told all theses horror stories about him but i decided(or hoped) he would be fine towards me because of the unborn baby but within weeks he was giving me abuse about his and his families rights and telling me what i will be doing and not doing even though i never once said i wouldnt involve him in the babys life. Since last week i have been becoming a little worried and having panic attacks and crying all the time because i really dont know what to do, part of me knows it is the right thing to let the baby know his father but a big part of me is wondering if a man like that should be part of the babys life. Im so scared about him always being around when the baby is born and trying to take over. Does anyone know what rights he has exactly(i live in Scotland) and if i can make him have supervised visits if any at all? I really dont trust him with the baby, its tearing me appart please help....

[rd14962]

I am not too sure where you stand legally in Scotland, however he has no rights seeing YOU or the baby. It sounds to me as though he is full of hot air. If he has been in trouble previously on an assault charge against his partner, chances are there will be conditions he needs to adhere to, they would include verbal or physical abuse, threatening behaviour etc. Have a chat with a solicitor, if you can't afford one you will be able to get help from Legal Aid or the equivalent.

Dont let this bully or his family dictate to you in any way

Hope all ends well

Rupert

[andy hughes]

Hi ataloss, I'm really sorry to read of your situation.

I am unsure of your legal position, but the law will certainly put baby first, and ensure her safety and wellbeing.

You need to get some advice - have a chat with your GP, and see if they can refer you for some profedssional help, or have a chat with your local Citizens Advice Bureau who can point you in the right diredtion.

With your hormones all over the place, this must feel like a nightmare, but it can be sorted - you don't have to live in fear of this man.

Good luck, try not to worry, and enjoy your pregnancy and new baby.

[loopyc]

i had the same problem as you 13 years ago when i had my daughter only i didnt have the guts to get out until he beat me up in front of my daughter first thing you need to do is get an injunction (you can get legal aid for this if intilted) this will give you breathing space and time to think and if he breaks it the police will deal with it. i know its scary now but i found it helped. also contact citizens advice as abusive fathers were not aloud to see their children unsupervised but alot has changed in 13 years. keep your chin up honey things do get better in time im proof of this x

[Sweet Pea]

Nobody can tell you what to do, but it might be worth getting some professional by checking out the internet.

In the mean time, it might be best to let the dad prove that he wants contact with the child by showing you he can stop drinking, if this is a no, no.

Then as a mother of three children, 14 12 and 5.

Children need a good role model, but please do speak to someone, try your local council who can put you intouch with the right groups.

All the best

Sweet Pea.

[nfn]

I'm not sure about Scotland but in England the official advice from a Women's Refuge is to report ALL threatening or abusive behaviour to the police immediately. If he rings you or visits you or just stops you in the street and is aggressive in any way physically or verbally then report it immediately. Each report is logged and there will come a time when the police will have to intervene. Incidentally in England the victim of abuse doesn't need to press the charges any more. ANYONE can press charges on the victim's behalf. The law has only recently changed on this and it is not yet widely known. Very very good luck, a close friend is going through a similar situation at the moment and the above advice was given to her only last month.

[woofgang]

This says that if he is not married to you, he has no rights over the child unless you permit it.

http://www.scotland.gov.uk/library/documents-w8/isfl-06.htm

he cannot register the child or be declared the father on the birth certificate unless you agree.

You will need some support to get this enforced, my best suggestion would be the children and families department at your local social services. If he has a record of abuse, it should be easy to prove.

Best wishes to you and your family

[ataloss]

Thanks for all ur advice and kind thoughts, it made me feel a little less anxious but i think the main thing is to go and seek legal advice and then i may be able to put my mind at rest and start to enjoy my pregnancy. Thanx again x