Expensive hen do. Do i go?

[strawberryfields]

My cousin and his partner of 15 years are getting married. His partners bridesmaid has invited me to the hen do-which costs £100. I feel like its a bit much to ask somebody to pay £100 for a do that i have no control over-it seems like its going to be a nice night, with drinks, dinner and stripper included, and value for money compared to some other hens ive heard of-but i think £100 is quite steep for my circumstances at the mo, and plus i dont really drink. Am i being tight? money is really short for me at the moment and the dilemma is i am the godmother of one of their children and i feel obliged to go. I haven't got back to the organiser yet about but i did let on that i was in a bit of financial difficulty and i would see-this was about a month ago. Tonight my cousin sent a round robin email stating how he was dissapointed that were are not participating in the hen night and how important it was for them to include us in their wedding when other people were cut out, and that they wanted us to represent him and the family at the hen night." I thought that email was a little pressurising and innappropiate, as i didnt think going to hen do was mandatory. I am now going-but £100 lighter with no idea of where im going or what im eating. Am i right or wrong to be upset?

[chi-chi66]

No you're not wrong to be upset...they are wrong in their approach to the hen night, but there again you have said you think it value for money compared to other hen nights you've heard of.
Say if you go, you will not be forking out for wedding present, as the £100
is more than you can afford at the minute, so it's either hen night or wedding
present.
I would have said no, given their attitude, even if it is my cousin..speak up!!

[naomi24]

I'm with Boxy here. I've no objection to paying whatever something costs - but I wouldn't go to a party like that if they paid me to go!

[DTCwordfan]

Don't go - say to your cousin that you are are hard up and would rather put some of the money by not going to their wedding present (and if they are foregoing that, then something for your god-daughter to mark the occasion). If he offers to cover your £100, well ok but, as others have said, that may be the thin edge of the wedge ré other evening expenses.

[joggerjayne]

"I wouldn't go to a party like that if they paid me to go!"

I'll have naomi's place, please.

[B00]

im with naomi.

Really really hate raucous gangs of women out of the lash, throw in a stripper too, it sounds like a nightmare.

[DTCwordfan]

One has to ask whether the stripper will be male of female (or both)

[B00]

Either would be horrendous DT.

The only time I went to see a stripper, the oily git rubbed up against the back of me and ruined my favourite dress, I was furious.

[chi-chi66]

I've been to a few hen nights, with meal, drinks and MALE stripper..good nights, very enjoyable, but certainly did'nt pay £100.
I'm saying straw should speak up if she can't afford it.

[chi-chi66]

BOO.....you should have taken it off and joined in! lol x

[B00]

Urgh no ta. I hate owt like that.

I won't even go to Anne Summers parties, they make me cringe. Groups of drunk women cackling about sex, it's just so cringe worthy.

[joko]

there is only one person whose hen party i would - and did - go to because i HAD to ... and that is my brothers wife - i didnt want to as i dont like her - but he is immediate family, so i went

any cousin etc i'd only go if i could afford it

100 is a lot - but i know a lot of people now have 2 hen do's - usually a more expensive do, maybe a weekend away for close pals and family - and another, quieter one for older family and wider friends, like just a meal out etc

if i was the OP i would not go.

[Lore]

I wouldn't be happy about paying that much for a hen night. If I spend that much whilst I'm out, that's fine, but I wouldn't start off with an initial outlay.
(that's without shoes, bag, dress.... :p)

You don't even need to give a reason as to why you're not going. Just a simple, 'sorry I can't make it' is enough. Maybe you could suggest another little get together before the wedding if you feel really bad about it.

[Smowball]

Say you would love to go but you just dont have the money and see what he says

[Eve]

Each to their own in what they organise but it's very unfair to expect people to want to do whatever they are doing and at an expensive price and be difficult or exert pressure if they don't.

I've had a hard time financially the last few years and in that time my brother and one of my oldest and best friends from home got married (one here, one abroad - similarly the hen dos). I had to forgo both hen dos and neither of them had any problem and completely understood - the important thing was for me to be at the wedding. Similarly with wedding presents, they understood I couldn't splash out.

I of course felt bad about not going but it was the responsible and right decision to make financially.

£100 is a lot for a night out (for me anyway) - it would have to be something pretty special/important for me to think about spending that much. I've been on a few pricier hen dos in the past but they were in Ireland and Italy and done on a very good budget with no pressure to go and we got a mini holiday out of it too so actually very good value for money. I've never really got the whole stripper thing either and don't drink a huge amount.

[katdarn79]

I got invited to a hen do in Marbella, i said i couldnt afford it and my friend, now ex friend hasnt spoke to me since! It wasnt just the trip to Marbella which she wanted me to pay for, myself and my daughter was supposed to be bridesmaids so had 2 dress to pay for, shoes etc.