terminal illness.

[audandjohn12]

My husband has just been diagnosed with mesothelioma and is in a lot of pain. He is my soul mate and I cant face the future without him. I am trying to be cheerful to his face, but I cant bear to see him in so much pain. What can I do

[lady_p_gold]

Oh I am so sorry and I know words cannot really help. All you can do is just be there to help him through it all and I do not think he would expect you to hide all your distress. Together you can talk about all you have shared and I know some people in this situation actually find some comfort in planning their funeral and things although that does sound a difficult thing to do. Is there a hospice near you - they may have some advice. Some people never find their soulmate, so although that makes it a lot harder, in a way that may be of comfort in the years ahead as he will always be in your heart.

[jake-the-peg]

I'm so sorry to hear that - did he work in the building industry? I believe this is often associated with asbestos.

It sounds as if you have two fears firstly in finding the courage to help him through his last days and enjoying those days together and secondly in facing the future without him.

I must admit I'd be totally devastated in your position.

Have you contacted macmillian? http://www.macmillan.org.uk/

They have a fabulous reputation for helping those with such conditions

[littlemissx]

i am sooo sorry for you... unfortunatly i havent been in this situation so cant empathise but have you ever read the book ps i love you?? try reading it x

[WaldoMcFroog]

I can barely begin to imagine how you must be feeling, and you have my every sympathy.

There are support groups for mesothelioma about. You can find some details here:

http://www.cancerhelp.org.uk/help/default.asp?page=4600

I hope this may be of some help.

[{Dakota}]

I am soooo soryy to hear that.

The above answers are brilliant but can I also add by suggesting that both of you start to put together a memory book or box containing snippets of the life you have shared together? It will be good fun to take a trip down memory lane together and will be somewhat comforting to you when he has passed.

I am so sorry, sending you my love xxx

[andy hughes]

This must be so distressing for you, and although you want to offer your husband all your help and support, you mustn't neglect yourself in the process.

Lean on as many friends and family for support as you can. The traditional 'stiff upper lip' attitude leads to bottling things up, which is bad for you. Tell as many people close to you how you feel, and give yourself time to grieve and cry for your husband, both now and in the future.

If we can offer any support here, hit the 'Chartterbank' section, and my colleagues and I will be there to support you.

[copippin]

I am so sorry about your news but I can only echo the sentiments of all the other people who have answered you;take their advice especially regarding the Macmillan nurses who can do so much to help and support you.Please don't ever feel alone,you have taken the first step by posting on AB which is brave of you and there are plenty of people who will help you through what lies ahead. Hopefully you also have some good friends who will also help you.

Thinking of you.

[LindaBon]

So sorry for what you are going through. My husband died suddenly last year of a heart attack. He had been away and I saw him two days before. I never got a chance to tell him how much I loved him and to say goodbye.

Give your husband a million hugs and tell him you love him and I hope you manage to get through this difficult time.

Some of my friends have been a great support, others don't know what to say. I hope you have a good family and network of friends to see you through it. xxx

[fairycakes]

Talk. Let him decide how he wants to play it and remember he'll be worrying about you too - maybe he's holding back because he doesn't want to upset you. Talk.

And God help you. You both have all my sumpathy.