how can i leave my violent partner?

[lifeb4]

hi i have been with my partner for over 10 years i met him when i was 16 years old and got pregnent very quckly he is 19 years older than me.
we have 2 children now nearly 11 years later and i have put up with being controlled, beaten up, mentally, and physically and im like his personal servent, hes forver calling me stupid thing is i know i am cos im still with him.
i just want to leave but dont know were to start, please help!

[karenmac60]

Phone women's aid now. My friend was in a similar situation a few years ago. She got help and she got out - WA even put in a reference for her with the council for a house, well away from him. She is so much happier now and so are her kids. Be strong and do it, you are worth so much more. Good luck x

[DTCwordfan]

karenmac's spot on here; they will engineer your departure with you and with the due sensitivity, protection and all the advice and support that you need and, lifeb4, this is a male speaking.....

Good luck; if there are specific points you need answering, be they legal, kids, family relationships, yourself, there are folk here to help you.

[Maydup]

Look for your local Women's Aid Service here. http://www.womensaid....=Find+a+local+service

I agree with the others W Aid is a great service and will give you advice and support every step of the way.

[smart1]

Please remember to clear your browsing history though if he uses the same PC or knows your password. Good luck.

[Smowball]

lifeb4 - I dont know if you are still reading replies to this question, but I have been in a similar situation years ago, although not quite as bad as yours. I phoned womens aid, like everybody else has said, and they were brilliant. They found me a B and B for the first night and then moved me to a shelter the next day. The shelters have no name on them, nobody would ever know what they were. PLEASE call them now if you already havent. It took me 5 years to leave my ex and it was the best thing I ever did. x

[atalanta]

Please, I beg you to go. With all my heart I beg you. He may turn on the children. I wished I had gone before I did, but when he turned on the children, at last I found the strength. I know, I absolutely KNOW how you feel, how desperate, how bleak. You could start by packing a small overnight case and leaving it at a friend's house. If he has allowed you to keep any of your friends. Just knowing that when you leave ( NOT if you leave, but when ) you will have the utmost necessities waiting for you. He has made you think that nobody will believe you. They will, honestly they will. I expected people to call me a liar, because he told me he had even got the vicar believing I was hallucinating and that I must be certified mad if ever I told such lies. But they did believe me - I was never so astonished as when people started to support and help me - I had been brainwashed for so long into believing that I was no more than a downtrodden half-wit that I took some time to find myself. I came out the other side - you can too. But see how far away you can get - as far as you can. He will want his punch-bag back, and it will be less trouble for him to make your life a misery , if you stay nearby - than to find another punch-bag. He will promise all sorts of things - to change - to become a new man - it is all lies.
Do you know why a man bashes a woman ?
It is because he enjoys it. Like football and pubs, he ENJOYS bashing women. And he won't stop. Never.
GO NOW.
BE FREE

[maggiebee]

Can only echo what the other posters have said lifeb4, you need to get out of this relationship and quickly. You and your children deserve a life free from this kind of mental and physical abuse. Please do contact your local Women's Aid where you will get all the support and advice you need. Men like this never change no matter what they promise so you need to be strong and make your move. Good luck.

[MustangLady]

I can only repeat what has already been sent. Get away from him now, call the Womens Aid immediately and get the help & support you need. They will give you all the help and advice you need. Please let us know how you get on. You're self esteem and moral is probably quite low, but you are worth a million of him. Do it for you and your kids, they need to get away from this life as you do. Good Luck x

[marden40]

you have made the first step by posting on here and getting some advice from us and well done for that first big step....take action now and do as all the other posters have said by contacting women's aid now....they will help you get your life back together....you owe it to yourself and your kids, please, please don't suffer any longer and never ever feel alone......I wish you the very best of luck

[lifeb4]

Thank you all for your help, I have called their number so many times and have never got through to anyone just stayed on hold for ages then been cut off.
Can only call them at certain times but will keep trying.
I am in uni at the moment in my last year and determined to get my degree something which he was not even really taken to, as he said i would fail. So dont want to do anything till july not making excuses but im determined to get my degree, will keep you all informed and thanks again for your help.

[rowanwitch]

How about mentioning it to the uni welfare officer as well if you run into problems they are more likely to be flexible if they are forewarned

[maggiebee]

Stick in there and get your degree. Of course he would like you to fail then he could tell you just how stupid you are, which you obviously are not! Think he might feel threatened by your success - after all, a degree might put you in a high earning bracket and not be dependent on him. Meanwhile, plan ahead and do try to keep getting in touch with WA.

[Smowball]

If you left now then why could you not complete your degree?

[lifeb4]

@snowball if I left now on my final project it would hard cos kids couldn't go to school and it would be way to much to sort out when I just wann fully focus on finishing my project and if I went to a refuge how would I attend uni if they moved me away far and the clients I'm working with are based around near my uni I have come this far after 3 years just wanna finish it now.

[Smowball]

Having been there myself I was put in a refuge in my home town,in fact I had often driven down the road but would have never had a clue that a refuge was there. Although I do agree its very difficult.What do you intend to do when you leave? stay in the same area?

[cazzz1975]

dont hang around, the kids will be affected by the atmosphere and will be happier when you break away from him, dont make excuses to stop yourself from going. you can go, take the kids, school/uni can wait.

[Davethedog]

lifeb4 - I am about to say something a bit harsh and I really don't want it to be, I have every sympathy for your situatiion., but I can only say it one way.

Your looking for excuses not to do it, understandable given your situatuion today its Uni and kids, tomorrow it will be something else, your scared and who wouldn't be, but if you really want out you have to "grasp the nettle" and do it. As Cazz says surely your kids suffer more if you stay?

Can you not discuss it with women's aid first, to find out your options, I am sure everyone on here wishes you the best, I know I do.

[lifeb4]

hi all!
I have finished uni but have not left him yet! he has calmed slightly,still can flip out on me but im still hanging in there!
Maybe one day ill be free I guess!
I think I just stay for a easier life I dont know what the kids would feel for me if I left him, as my youngest is all for his father.
I still want to I dream of the day im free but I guess it wont be any time soon i just cant find it in me to do it!