would you be happy?

[Nobodytrue]

if your partner of 11yrs knew he had one last chance to propose and he did it after a crap meal(not his fault),waited till the place was empty,got down on one knee,gave you a tempary ring,put the ring on your finger and had to be prompted 4 the words?

when we got home i gave him back the ring and told him i did'nt want it.He is now going on and on so much that i don't know if i am right or wrong anymore.

[coldMPvictim]

  NO  i would NOT be happpy. this guy obviously has a severe problem with procrastination or makin decisions. wat up wit that??  that is crap. ive wrote a 5 page love letter to my girlfriend in 3 hours before. he had 11 YEARS to prepare for this. he shoulda planned much better for somethin like this.   he would be dust in the wind if it was me. and... a temporary ring??   ughh, i woulda shoved it up his nose. HE's the one who don't know if he's right or wrong!!  this guy needs to be evaluated and heavily medicated.   WOW, this story and intriguing and disgustin all at the same time.       - de nada,  i do what i can do when i can do it.    peace out   ^_^

[woofgang]

well maybe he didn't want to propose..... Never mind the behaviour, sit down and nicely and calmly decide what it is you both want and whether its the same thing

[~Wingnut~]

I'd go with Woofgang's suggestion!
I bet you had an idea of how perfect you wanted it all to be in your mind, and because it didn't turn out like you had hoped your now bitterly disappointed. Woofgang's right, maybe he didn't want to propose or because he knew this was his last chance after 11yrs, his heart maybe wasn't in it because he felt like it was something he was being forced into, hence the temporary ring and the prompted proposal.
My husband proposed to me whilst I was 3 month's pregnant, my Dad was dying of cancer and we were watching The Bill! Hardly how I had pictured it, yet at the same time I certainly wasn't expecting him to get down on one knee at that moment in time, yet we have been married 6 yrs and are very happy because it was what we both wanted and knew it was right for us, I believe that the proposal really doesn't matter it's your life together as man and wife and the vows you take that matter.
Talk it thru and decide whether it is really what you both want.
Good Luck and all the best however this turns out :o)

[Nobodytrue]

The thing is he seems gutted,he keeps saying that nothing he does is good enough.This is not true,but a tempary ring untill he can afford another one is not good enough after 11yrs and 3 kids.The thing is the ring he really wants to get only costs a couple of hundred,we are not rich but we are not that bloody poor!

Thinking about it,he had to be prompted cos he seemed to turn shy and nervous,but we have had to jump over so many hurdles to be together and i just wanted it to be special.For so many years now i felt that he didn't love me enough to marry me,but a few mths ago we sat down and had a really long chat about every thing and he was shocked that i felt that way(even though i told him before)it was like he finaly heard me.So now i feel like im not good enough to make any effort over.

[netibiza]

After 11yrs together you should know him enough to understand what he is like.

[Nobodytrue]

i do know what he is like,and he is full of passion about most things that matter to him usally but this is the one thing i asked him to do,to make it special after all these years.We had a really bad patch a year ago and we both agreed that this was his chance to make things right between us, to prove once and for all that he loves me and wants to marry me.He said that he finally understood how much it hurt me and that he was gunna make it really special/some thing to tell our future grandkids about.He puts more effort into the car,birthday prezzies,having a crap than he did 4 me!!!

[joko]

after 11 years together its pretty obvious he wants to be with you. will a fancy proposal really prove anything? people get married at the drop of a hat sometimes because its so easy to get divorced it doesn't have the same finality any more. stop worrying about his goofy proposal, men are notoriously bad a doing things like that, particulalrly in public and if they feel they are being forced -unless they are acting in a film! you need to work on the real underlying problems in your relationship before using marriage  as a fix all - because it wont. good luck

[netibiza]

Well said joko.  What does a diamond ring show? nothing.  11yrs shows a lot more commitment.

[Shipstabber]

I think you're confusing a wedding with a marriage. All that business about bended knee and 'the big day' is romantic but it doesn't really mean anything. HIs commitment is what's really important.

You wanted it to be special but don't you think that 11 years and 3 kids together is pretty special? You are projecting your ideals onto another person which will always end in disappointment.

[Nobodytrue]

is it really to much to expect?a candlelit dinner and a rose,a little bit of romance?

We talked all our problems throuh we talked 4 hours.

He treated me like crap last year and i forgave him,we have been happy together since.when we talked things through he said he would make it special after everything we had been through.i have a engagement ring in the draw that he gave me 6 yrs ago i don't need another tempory ring.

6 yrs ago he asked me to marry him,we were sat on the doorstep and he gave me a �40 ring and i was so happy.

If you are asking someone to spend the rest of their life with u,the lest u can do is make some effert 

[netibiza]

My husband proposed at the local bus stop sitting by a fountain - I didn't get an engagement ring until 8 yrs later and even then it was for investment. We've been married 30yrs and I feel very lucky.

[clairelb]

What’s so different now to 6 years ago?  Why were you content with a quiet proposal then and want a big song and dance made now?  Surely it’s the sentiment of it all rather than how it’s done?  I have to agree with the others.  The size of the ring means nothing, the size of the diamond does not equate to the amount of love.  My husband proposed to me standing in the front room as we were making the tea, and it was really just how the conversation was flowing - no big event, no pre-arranged things, and no ring.  But I didn’t hesitate because what was important to me was that he wanted to marry me and I him, the proposal itself wasn’t significant.  My husband hasn’t done a ‘romantic’ gesture in years, but I know that has no reflection on how much we mean to each other.  Some people just can’t make great public shows of affection.

If it’s been so important to you to have a big proposal between you, why haven’t you proposed to him?

[Nobodytrue]

i did,he said no, that he wanted to ask me,that he wanted to make it special after everything he said and did to me last year! The issue is not that i am so far stuck up my own bum and what is good enought 4 u is not good enough 4 me.For years we had to hide our relationship cos our familys would not approve(different religons),we have had to struggle for everything we want at every stage,moving intogether,having children....

what is so wrong with having a romantic proposal after everything we have been through?

And i really don't expect much-i don't know why u all think i want some big expensive ring,i just want one that is gunna lead to marriage!

If i had known that u would have all taken this post as a personal atack of how u were asked i would'nt have posted,the point was to put yourselves in my situation-not to look down on anyone else.

[ieatbees]

Did you get this sorted out? i feel sorry for you - i (as a bloke) feel that a wedding proposal should be as romantic as possible - i want the world to know that i want to be with this woman. Unfortunately the best laid plans don't always work out.

but i hope it is sorted out now?

[Dijana]

Interesting! you want a strangers opinion and dont trust your own heart.

Love is not a question.

Love is a feeling.

What you you feel?

[feqit]

yes,thanks we have sorted it out.

I have learnt from this that it does'nt matter what anyone else thinks,if something is important to u and its something u need to happen, then it should.

Noone else can tell you if you r justified in needing what u need...(and it would take an eternity to explain why u need it),just that u need something and that something would make u happy should be enough of a reason for someone who loves u to give it!

I think love is more than just a feeling.

Thanks to those of u that were understanding,and i hope this post makes sense!

[feqit]

lol