Free For All

marval | 17:22 Fri 22nd Mar 2013 | Jokes

6 Answers

Finally my coffee has arrived, despite not being what I ordered.
Still... better latte than never.

Mon, Tues, Wednes, Thurs, Fri, Satur, Sun.
I'm taking the day off.

Apple is bringing out a new phone for less appealing people.
It's called the iSore

Took my dog to the vets this morning and he told me it's in heat.
I didn't even realise it was a celebrity.

Received an invite to a party today, written on a bottle of Ribena...
Seems I was cordially invited

Came downstairs Sunday morning and the wife was doing breakfast in her slippers
I thought, must save up and get a pan

I went to a forger's house the other day. Everything he had was fake.
Not even the Werther's were original.

Just been to Tesco and swapped 50 raisins for 100 sultanas. Can't believe the currant exchange rate.

I don't mean to be big headed but I was great in bed last night.
I slept for 18 hours.

Just saw an advert for Tesco's, offering free home delivery.
So I ordered a bungalow.

I just hosted the worst orgy ever. No one came

I'm surrounded by preserved vegetables in jars.
It's like Piccalilli Circus round here.

I got attacked by a swarm of bees.
They stole my Nectar card.

A lot of people think I make up all my wordplay jokes myself but I actually have a team of comedians, writers and researchers helping me out.
Oh yes, I have a punning clan.