life or love

[victoriaplum]

my daughter is self harming,today i took her to the doctors and i was told she has clinical depression,this is all new to me ,why should a child of 13 have this...her dad who still is at home with us did not listen when i was telling him what the doctor said he is worried that his job is finishing very soon,his daughters life or his job????god why is it the mother who deals with it all the time??

[rojash]

"why should a child of 13 have this"
Clinical depression is a medical condition caused by an imbalance of chemicals in the brain. It is not caused by external influences such as home life, etc. You are not to blame for this, and neither is her father, any more than you would be to blame if she had diabetes or a kidney infection.

Of course it's difficult for you having to deal with it, and you have my deepest sympathy. It is a very difficult condition for both the sufferer and those around them, and if your husband already has other worries about the future, he will find it hard to support you in this.

Remember these points:

The prognosis is generally good, and the depression will get better eventually

It may well recur, but each bout usually lasts slightly less than the previous one.

In the middle of the depressive phase, it always feels (to both the sufferer and their loved ones) that it has been going on for ever and that it will last for ever - but it's not true: there IS a light at the end of the tunnel.

IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!

[noxlumos]

Really sorry to hear about your daughter's depression Victoria.All of what rojash said, I totally agree with if it is clinical depression, but please get a good diagnosis preferably not from your gp, as clinical depression in teenagers is actually quite unusual.

"Twenty years ago depression in children was almost unknown. Now the fastest rate of increase in depression is among young people. Again, this backs up the fact that most depression is not caused by chemical imbalances, whether in adolescents, teenagers or adults."

http://www.clinical-depression.co.uk/Depression_Informat ion/teen.htm

Self harming is addictive,it makes you feel better. I self harmed as a teenager and young man due to childhood abuse and self harming became really compelling for me, so get some specialist help with assisting her to find another outlet for her feelings.

Her depression however is not your fault, there are untold peer pressures and other contributory factors that will be causing her to feel this way and rojash is right it won't last forever.

I hope your situation soon improves and wish you well.

[Bob A Job]

I am not a psycologist, nor claim to be. But in my experience nearly all people who suffer from depression are very intelligent, and very often in need of a stimulation and communication with others in the same situation. Maybe you could incourage her interests and get her involved in outside school activities and clubs. The internet is full of challenges and groups. let her set her mind free!

[mycatis]

I've had clinical depression since i was 13, please dont think it's anything you have done, I had a lot of bad times, I'm afraid but am now 28 and haven't had a bad episode for a couple of years. If you or she need to talk, just give me a shout on here.
Best of luck to you both
Cat x

[snook]

Clinical depression, as rojash says, is a treatable medical condition and is caused by a chemical imbalance, whereas reactive depression is caused by outside influences (e.g., an accident or trauma, a sad event, a personal loss). Although your GP (I assume) told you it�s clinical depression, it might not be. If it is, treatment is available for it. If it�s reactive, you need to support her (which I�m sure you are doing) and help her get to the root of it (not to dwell on the causes, that won�t help, but just to recognise them � that in itself can constitute a big breakthrough).

Here�s one of many articles on the internet explaining about depression: http://www.drhallowell.com/resources/articles/depression.html

If you search using Google, you�ll find many more.

This one gives a general overview of depression: http://www.aware.ie/online%20books/notes.html

Maybe, once you�ve read through a few articles and familiarised yourself with the facts, you should sit down and have a chat with your doctor again. If he (or she) has diagnosed depression and just left it at that, I think you need to stress the importance of discussing possible treatments with him/her.

As for your husband, I�m sure he cares, but obviously his mind is troubled with other things. Just explain your daughter is ill and really needs the support of you both at the moment. Don�t be hard on him, just try to put things in perspective, calmly.

I hope things work out well for you.

[joko]

the fact that she's 13 is irrelevent. Its a case of perspective. Her feelings & emotions are just as strong & important as an adults, they're just usually about different things

an adult may be worrying about big things like illness, paying the mortgage, losing their job etc, but the child worries about what peter thinks of her in maths or that she loves take that so much she could explode,

the level of emotion & heartache is the same- just as adults we have the capacity to realise that those things don't matter in the grand scheme & that the child will have forget soon- however it is all the child has, it's their only point of reference, it's the most important thing to them because they have never had to worry about anything more serious.

so many adults sneers & smirk when a child gets depressed or miserable & belittle their emotions & take away their right to have them, they ignore them because they think it doesn't really matter- & as i say, it doesn't, not to you, or anyone- other than the child- who doesnt understand that your problems are much worse.

my parents used to do this to me & it infuriated me, saying things like 'what have you got to be miserable about? - just wait until you've got my problems!' & 'don't be silly' & brushed them off as nothing. he still does it now - & im 34! he still can't understand me being down about something, can't believe my life has any woes at all becasue his are worse - despite the fact that i have been diagnosed with depression due to a hormone imbalance i had as a kid.

I'm not meaning to sound like i'm having a go at anyone- you're obviously a caring mother, but i just feel like people don't get that have powerful emotions too and even though the cause may be nothing much, the feelings they have are just the same as us & they hurt just as much

[mimififi]

I suffer with depression and have recently really battled with it after the quite violent birth of my 5th baby. I am feeling much better now. I have manic depression and the downers are easier than the manic episodes where no-one even the children can keep up with me.

One thing that has really helped me has been a dramatic increase in my levels of exercise (we have a German Shepherd Dog who requires lots of walking, and doing it with a baby on your back is quite a work out.) and also I take a high dose of good quality Omega 3 everyday. I have really begun to feel the difference and my moods are beginning to even out. I feel the best I have for years and years. Much more clear headed, less 'underwater' like, just more connected with everyone around me. It is so good.

It might not work in all cases, but you could try something similar to this. It is totally holistic and you can do these things aswell as any meds the docs might give you. It may even make it possible to avoid meds (but don't purposely avoid meds if they are recommended.)

Check your daughter's diet, make sure she eats really healthily, try to cut out all junk, processed foods, take outs etc, and additives, preservatives and the like. Eat regularly too. Take a multi Vitimin and some omega 3 and 6 (I tihnk, there is a big omega website) and encourage her to take alot more exercise. It does really increase your feel good chemicals.

COunselling might be best too for her given her age, she might be more responsive to counselling than an adult. And don't forget to tell her head of year so the teachers are aware that she is poorly.
Good luck, and I'm thinking of you both.

[mimififi]

www.highernature.co.uk are a really good online vitimin shop. there products are excellent. They are pricey, but they are very good quality. You can also speak to a nutritionist there too who may be able to suggest to other supplements that help with depression. They are experts.

(sorry about the ad......)

[KT84]

I was diagnosed with depression a couple of months before i was 13, actually spent my 13th birthday in hospital being treated for depression and panic attacks.

If it was only your gp who diagnosed her i would sugest asking to see either a phyciatrist or a phycologyst, not only to get a proper diagnosis, but also to help her get the correct treatment.

It always the mother cos ur the person she knows best, my mum was the person that noticed my depression the second time i had a bout, she noticed before i even knew, she could see changes in me that i didnt notice.

Ive never self halmed, but have frends who have and i would just like to mention a few tips that friends have used that might help reduce her self harming:

Using a red pen to draw on the body

spraying the arms (or whereever the self harming is usually done) with water from a spray water bottle

Putting a elastic band around the wrist and "snapping" (pulling it then letting it go) it when theres thoughts of self harm

[bryadelle]

A child of any age can suffer from clinical depression, 13 is certainly a vulnerable age. I guess from your question that you actually know the reason why yourself, self harming is a cry for help and attention. doesnt sound like she is getting too much of this from her father, especially considering his response. i do not mean to cause offence here and this is purely my opinion, but i think you only need to look at the problem from her point of view to see whats going on. all the best and hope things work out!

[boobesque]

i must point out that clinical depression is not 'an imbalance of chemicals in the brain'. clinical depression is a disorder that follows several symptoms laid out in DSM IV (psychiatrists handbook) as opposed to non clinical depression, where you may just feel sad. a chemical imbalance is one theory of many, but other opposing theories claim that the chemical changes in the brain are an effect of the depression and not a cause. chemo therapy is one of many forms of treatment. works fast which is a plus but i have known people who have needed to take drugs for 30+ years. antidepressants can be good for controling the symptoms during the time when a doctor or therapist treats the cause, without which the drugs will remain treating the symptoms until the drug is stopped. when the drug is stopped the depression usually comes back unless the cause has been eliminated or dealt with. if your doctor only prescribes your daughter some drugs and no other support then i would go to another doctor. her cutting could be a way of dealing with her depression or indeed a way of dealing with the cause of the depression whatever that may be.

lastly all of the answers here (including my own) are based on 7 lines from a worried mother. no conclusions can be drawn from 7 lines and i hope that however helpful any answers may be that you do not draw any concrete solutions from them. continue to consult with your gp who is in a better position to assess your daughters health both mental and physical. hope it all goes well