Leaving the nest

[chongalolo]

When your children leave home as young adults, should they hand over their house keys?

[tigilou]

I am 22 and left home at 20 but still have a key to my mums if she asked for her key back i would be a little upset i think id feel a bit rejected or can't think of the right word but definatly hurt after all i still class my mums house as home even though i love my house

[Lonnie]

That would all depend on the relationship you have with your children, I and my brothers and sister always kept ours, because even though we had left home, made our own lives, had families, our parents place was still home, one thing though, we always telephoned first, maybe you could implement that bit.

[bob57]

no in case of emergency it might benefit you if they kept a key.

but as lonnie say's it would be best if they phoned first

p.s. I'm still waiting for my two fly coop

[Liza B]

Yes I think they should have a key, but I do think they should phone ahead when possible, my eldest left last year and she has a key and I have one for her house, though I make sure I phone first, nothing worse than mum turning up unannounced. I left home 20 years ago and I have always had a key to my mums, though my husband does not have one for his mums her daughter does but not her two sons , not sure why never thought about it until now. I think it is a way of letting them know that you still want them to be part of the family.

[kazza12345]

i keep a key, but would never dream of using it, except in an emergency. It seems polite to knock/ring first. as its not my home anymore

[woofgang]

Practically, it makes sense to control your housekeys.

I had one till I went to live abroad for a short while so gave it back and have never had it back again. My sister still has one because she is single and retired (I still work) so is the one most likely to go to mum if she (Mum) is unwell. My other sister doesn't have a key either. It really not a big deal.

I think "hand over" sounds a bit formal and kicking out but if they don't need to keep a key then it doesn't make practical sense for them to do so.

[Bohne]

Not a general answer for your question, but this is my case:

When I was around 25 (I left home at 20) I had a row with my dad, and he suggested I give back my keys.

I wouldn't have cared too much, since I always ring the doorbell anyway, but my mum insisted, I kept the key, and today at age 34 I still have it.

I still ring the doorbell, though, it simply seems the right thing to do, I guess the key is just for when they are on holidays or emergencies.

[o8sp]

i am 30 andleft home at 19 and i still have a key. i use mine all the time as my dad never hears the door bell and my mum is always on the phone! my hsband has also been given a key by my parents.

[deemartin]

To be totally sure a neighbour advises immediately downsizing house so there is no where for them to come back to!

[campbellking]

I have a key to Mum's and she has a key to mine. Very useful as my housemate is always locking herself out when I'm not around, so she can nip up there and borrow it!

[jas1002]

I left home 12 years ago. Perhaps I should rephrase it. I got my own house 12 years ago. I still have my key to my Mum's, never phone to say I'm on my way and if mum's not in make myself tea and get comfy 'till she comes back.

It is still my home. Why should I feel like a visitor? My three brothers are the same.

[chongalolo]

Hmmmm interesting..... I love my son to bits - he is a fantastic person in so many ways, but he has a habit of freeloading when he can get away with it. He left home once before, only to come back when his money ran out. While he lived away, he wouldn't bother with shopping, he would just come over and help himself to stuff in my kitchen etc. Now he is leaving again I don't want a repeat performance! We are a very close family but he does need to grow up where money is concerned. On balance, I think we'll let him keep his key (softies that we are!) and we will just have to see how things pan out. Thank you to everyone who replied. PS Loved the idea of downsizing - where do I sign?

[veritymoon]

im 27 and have lived away from home for 11 years and i still have keys to my mum and dad house

[NerdyGeek]

I have no intention of ever going to my parents house so take them off them.

[stanleyman]

I'd let them keep the key but consider changing the locks!

[nrober]

I left home at age 19 and moved into my own home with my baby daughter. I gave my dad a key to my flat and kept my keys to the house. He never asked for the keys back and althougth I had moved out, I still regarded his house as home. I didn't have to knock first and saw my dad on a daily basis. I had a really good relationship with my dad and that key was really valuable when his health started to detiorate. He passed away in 04 but I always kept a key. Funnily enough it was different with my brother as they didn't have a good relationship and his key was taken away years ago.